On The Seventh day of Christmas . . .

Knee-how shumdee (你好兄弟). I don't know how to spell that in English.

Yes kids, who doesn't love that perennial and ubiquitous recording of those wondrous dogs who bark out the tune of "Jingle Bells?"  Today's quite fab offering gives equal time to our four footed flea infested feline friends.   The phone ringing in the background is a nice surprise.  BTW, this recording was made in China.  Despite the cats singing in Chinese, I think you'll understand them.  Be not afraid, none of these cats fell victim to the Ford Sportka.  However, they are in China . . . Mmmm, cat, gurgle, drool (my Homer Simpson impersonation).

http://youtu.be/bNhjElUwJa8

Since this is technically the last day of the bird gifts, I thought this photo was apropos:
http://www.poddys.com/jokes/xmas_011.htm

-Malcolm.
Waíse heill!

On The Sixth day of Christmas . . .

. . . we meet Harold Rippy: Baby, What Kind of Christmas Tree You Want?

In my search for a smattering of well-known Christmas wackiness, I have unearthed a few obscure tunes.  The next time someone brags to you that their song is available on iTunes, tell them about Harold Rippy.  Ol' Harold has FIFTEEN albums online, and every one of them sounds pretty much like this toe-tapper from his smash album, "Christmas Specials." 

http://youtu.be/X69vR5_NTuE

***BONUS TRACK***

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oIEiIO-NreQ

From The Messiah; Honest, this has never happened to me before.  Every organist knows that this was a technical error due to forgetting the transpose button was on.  Here is another Christmas mishap thus answering the age old question:  Boxers or Briefs?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sAPKepDA50k

-Malcolm.
Unu bieron, mi petas

Have you ever wondered about the origins our our 12 Day song?  In the words of Stephen Fry, "Nobody knows."  It is most likely an offshoot of a song called "A New Dial."  I've heard in many homilies stating that it was written as a secret code written when one group of Jesus' followers had to hide their beliefs in order to avoid being tortured and killed by another group of Jesus' followers.  Of all the riches of Christianity to celebrate at the time of Jesus' birth, give or take six months, that doesn't sound like an outstandingly good one to spotlight.
A partridge in a pear tree - Jesus
Two turtle doves - The Old and New Testaments
Three French hens - The three kings bearing gifts
Four calling [sic] birds - The four Gospels
Five gold rings - Torah or Pentateuch, the first five books of the Old Testament
Six geese a-laying - The six days of Creation
Seven swans a-swimming - Seven gifts of the Holy Spirit
Eight maids a-milking - The eight Beatitudes
Nine ladies dancing - Nine fruits of the Holy Spirit
Ten lords a-leaping - The Ten Commandments
Eleven pipers piping - The eleven faithful Apostles
Twelve drummers drumming - The twelve points of the Apostles' Creed

Do you want to see 100 priests fighting over a building ravaged by rust and moth?  Too funny.  I bet my priest can take your priest.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=daO5MjwIW_E

On the Fifth day of Christmas . . .

Today's artist is Bob Gerard performing Liddle Snow Man (have a kerchief ready, this is really sad).  Try to listen to this gem with quality head phones or on a system with a decent sub woofer.

http://youtu.be/6GMSOGdD4tQ

Five amazing things about really awful records:
1. the writers thought they'd really come up with something great;
2. the people who played and sang on them were happy with their performances;
3.they listened to the studio playback and approved what they heard;
4. they agreed the recordings were of quality to press and distribute; and,
5. they honestly believed their records had hit potential.

Bob Gerard's "Snow Man" Leaves me pondering these five and about thirty other head-scratchers, not the least of which is "who gave that guy a bass?"

We struck gold on this fifth day.  There is a bonus track, obviously a home recording, of a tempo - and pitch - challenged "ain't my kid cute" masterpiece.  O Little Town of Beth-lee-ham.

http://youtu.be/ZPzGLrvOazM

BTW, the "five gold rings" refers not to five pieces of jewelry, but to five ring-necked birds such as pheasants.  Stay with the bird motif, folks.

There are seven days of this madness left.

-Malcolm.
Mabaj nar armauk

On The Fourth day of Christmas . . .

http://youtu.be/hnrUlG1zRRk

No kids, that is not a theremin, nor is it from the soundtrack of "The Day The Earth Stood Still."  The hand we've been dealt today involves the unfortunate head on collision of "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" with the musical saw.  Just when you thought it was over - verse two.  Oh, then verse three, false alarm.  Best to clear the dogs out of the room before you hit play.

BTW, in the original song of the twelve days, the fourth day's gift is actually four "Colly Birds" not "calling birds."  The word "colly" means "black as coal."  Four black birds is today's gift.

-Malcolm Kogut.
Aa' lasser en lle coia orn n' omenta gurtha

On The Third day of Christmas . . .

. . .  my true love gave to me.

Dear true loves,

I hope you are being nice to these artists and not judging them.  So with that in mind, for today I chose a song by someone with a great deal of skill and talent.  Every time I hear this poignant and porcine version of "Blue Christmas" it brings tears to my eyes.   I'm sure it will have the same effect on you.  The woman in the background is certainly enjoying herself.

http://youtu.be/a5UHeF3ND5w

Bonus Track:  http://youtu.be/NGwFOho1oVg

You all know who Squeaky is.  She lives about one hour from me in the town of Marcy.  She was  in the news quite often as her neighbors were trying to run her out of town.  So, today's twofer comes from the Reverend Armstrong. 

I LOVE the "I've got [Christmas] on my fingers." reference.  Does anyone get it?  I wonder if Glen knew it's true meaning.

-Malcolm.
Oel ngati kameie

On The Second day of Christmas . . .

Can you ever get enough of "Sleigh Ride?"   Here is another rendition.  I believe this woman has performed in every church talent show I've ever played.  In this musical offering she gives her all.  Good for her.

http://youtu.be/5xI1uPeAi_Q

How about those rabid, foaming at the mouth people in the mall protesting to "Keep Christ in Christmas" or, to take Him out?  The war on Christmas.  Even when people write "Xmas," they are keeping Christ in Christmas because the first letter in the Greek word for 'Christ' is 'chi,' and the Greek letter 'chi' is represented by a symbol similar to the letter 'X' in the modern Roman alphabet. Hence "Xmas" is indeed perfectly legitimate abbreviation for the word "Christmas."  And those "Happy Holiday" people, the word comes from Old English hāligdæg, from hālig holy + dæg day.  "Holiday" means "Holy Day" so they are still wishing you a holy day.  These are just very old artifacts of different languages and if anyone wants to get religion out of their language, good luck with that.

These attempts at non-denominational holiday tidings come as younger Americans seem to be shrugging their shoulders at going to church, at organized religion and hypocritical philosophies.   But, you know, like, I mean, I resonate with them for I am sick and tired of every week when Thursday comes around; There are people who want to take Thor out of Thursday because it might offend someone.  Well, how about all of the pagans?  What out offending them because you are taking Thor out of Thursday?  Thursday is "Thor's" - day!  If you aren't recognizing Thor then who are you recognizing?  Thursday is recognizing the Son of Odin!  Thursday is one of the few days left that we can recognize Thor!  Leave that day alone and tell everyone "Blithe Thor's day," not "Happy Thursday."

If you find yourself surfing the net and are in the market for a new car, check out this commercial:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hLIkjWFNAKI

-Malcolm.
nuqDaq 'oH puchpa''e'

On The First Day Of Christmas . . .

Merry Christmas friends, loved ones, total strangers, and those affectionately known as "other."  My twelve day gift to you is a song.  Twelve of them.  They come from all over the internet.  Two years ago I gifted copies of a CD featuring 48 renditions of "The Star Spangled Banner."  How could I top that, you're thinking?  (looks left, looks right, whispers) buckle your seat belts . . .

As with so much of what's found online, the origins of today's "Sleigh Ride" offering are shrouded in mystery.  To be honest, this trumpet player is too bad to be this bad.  Someone this bad wouldn't have his degree of confidence.  I like him.  Very much like the famed "Jonathan and Darlene," I think we've been had.

http://youtu.be/_ZH6VzrHORA

Because today is the first day of Christmas, I am going to proffer upon you a twofer.  Jimmied into this sprawling collection is this tribute to every Karaoke bar singer, "Feliz Navidad." 

http://youtu.be/laEQAW3_Sjs

If you have time, check out Henrietta and Merna:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gg7uGL6Ku20

Dry or Beware

About ten years ago I went into a liquor store to get a bottle of something for a party.  There was a wine on sale with a ten dollar rebate on it so I picked that one out.   After paying, I noted that I wasn't handed a receipt.  The cashier threw it behind the counter, so I asked for one.  The cashier acted dumb and fished it out for me.  When I got home, the rebate required both my original receipt and the UPC sticker on the bottle.  It was then that I noticed that the label was taped on.  I sent everything in anyway.  I got a letter back saying that the bar code did not correspond with the bottle I purchased and thus it was not elibible for a rebate. 

Piecing everything together, I surmised that the liquor store was swapping UPC codes on the bottles, not giving receipts to the customers and cashing them in for themselves.  I called the police to report this but they said that this was small potatoes and not worth their time pursuing. 

Just today, my friend Kathy went into a different liquor store to purchase a bottle of wine and like me, she chose a bottle which offered a rebate.  She too wasn't offered a receipt and had to ask for it.  The cashier yelled something in another language to a co-worker and he replied in that language, then the cashier printed out the receipt and gave it to Kathy.  When Kathy got home, she read the instructions for the rebate and it said that the receipt had to be original and not a duplicate.  Kathy looked at her receipt and at the top it said "Duplicate Copy."  She is gong to try to send it in anyway.   Most likely she is out of luck and the liquor store is going to use the receipt to get the rebate. 

I wonder how many liquor stores have been ripping off customers of their rebates and if anyone will ever do anything about it.

Ligaments, Tendons and Bumps, Oh My!

A 20 year old piano major approached me about two months ago because she was experiencing some disturbing symptoms and was wondering if I could help her.  Amy wasn't having any discernible problem playing but her plaint was when she woke up in the morning or in the middle of the night, her three middle fingers were stiff, almost locked and painful.  After she slowly flexed them a few times they were fine and they didn't give her any problems until the next morning.  Her teacher was assigning several difficult works for her to study and forcing her to play with flat fingers so I took about ten minutes to feel her hands and fingers and immediately knew what her problem was. 

Our tendons are made up of thousands of fibers all neatly bundled together, those bundles are bundled, then those bundles are bundled several times over and finally the entire massed bundle makes up a tendon about the size of a linguini and the tendon as a whole is protected in a lubricated sheath where it can glide back and forth effortlessly. 

Think of the tendon as a plastic, polypropylene, polyester or nylon braided rope.  The single rope as a whole is actually made up of thousands of smaller fibers making the whole greater than the individual parts.  Every hiker, camper or construction worker knows that when you cut one of these ropes you need to finish off the ends by melting or burning it.  This creates a little knot of melted materiel and prevents the rope from fraying.  Likewise, as the rope is used, stretched, dragged over edges and exposed to friction, along the path of the rope there will be fraying.  Shakespeare said it nicely, "Take but degree away, untune that string, And, hark, what discord follows!"  Conversely, allow a rope to constantly fray, And hark, what discord follows. 

The body repairs frayed tendons much the same, by putting little knots of scar tissue where damage has occurred.  Doctors often refer to these knots as nodules.  They can be quite painful and can eventually cause the finger to lock up.  Laymen will refer this symptom as "trigger finger."  Picture a sweater with a hole in it.  If you were to sew up the hole, there would be a little knot there.  Although the hole is now healed, the sweater won't wear as effortless as it used to.  Every thread in a sweater is connected to every other thread and every movement will pull on that knot.  That is why diagnosing hand issues is so difficult.  The pain may be in the forearm but that is where the tissue is giving way because there is a knot in the palm.

When you flex your flexor muscles in your forearm, your muscles pull your long flexor tendon which is attached all the way to the tip of your finger and your finger bends.  If there is a little knot or nodule anywhere in the sheath, usually near a joint or in the palm, the nodule can get snagged in the sheath and lock the finger.  Forcing it open can cause more tearing and the build up of even more scar tissue.  A downward spiral begins;  Hark, what discord follows.  As I felt Amy's hand, I could feel the little nodule bumps of scar tissue gliding back and forth. 

Have you ever heard about the legend of the Gordian Knot?  It was a knot so complicated that it was impossible to solve or unravel.  Thousands tried but none were successful until Alexander the Great attempted to untie the knot. When he could not find the end to the knot to unbind it, he sliced it in half with a stroke of his sword.  This technique of problem solving was called the "Alexandrian solution."  A technique many doctors use today. 

If Amy were to go see a doctor, the first thing he may suggest is to stop playing the piano for weeks or months, rest and wear a brace.  Rest in these situations is not going to help.  The body's defense against this kind of damage is to create scar tissue which is not flexible and will lock the tissue in place much like a spider web can entomb and insect.  Scar tissue is what caused her problem in the first place.  If you were to take an unraveled rope and just throw it in a pile, it would be in a tangled mess of a knot.  Letting it sit there for six months will not untangle it.  You need to slowly and patiently unravel it and straighten it out and then roll it back up neatly.  That is what our bodies want us to do.  When it comes to scar tissue, proper movement promotes healing, not rest.

A second treatment a doctor may prescribe Amy is physical therapy.  This is close to the solution because as I said, proper movement promotes healing but PT most likely will not solve her problem.  She will receive massage therapy, contrast baths, working with weights and pulleys, molding clay, wax and other muscle building techniques, but, when Amy goes home to her piano, all the physical therapy in the world won't be able to counteract the damage she will do in the privacy of her own home or practice room.  Like the Battle of Thermopylae, it doesn't matter how many Persians march through the pass, the Greeks had the upper hand.

A third treatment option will most likely be a cortisone shot.  Cortisone melts tissue.  If the doctor can inject the cortisone directly into the nodule he can melt it away, along with anything else which comes in contact with the cortisone.  No thank you.

A final treatment will be surgery where they will cut the sheath or scrape the nodule off the tendon and of course, the body will respond to the surgery by creating - say it with me - "scar tissue."  The good news is during the several months it takes to fully heal, with PT, you will have full control over your fingers again.  This may be a solution for the average person, however, for a concert pianist, the result could be devastating. 

So what was Amy's problem causing her symptoms?  It was simply her flat finger technique.  Now, I'm not a university piano professor so I don't want to comment on his desire for Amy to play with flat fingers.  What I do know is that the finger is made up of several bones which neatly line up and are held together by ligaments, pulled by tendons and controlled by muscle.  If I were to poke you in the eye, I would align my fingers so all the bones were in a straight line for maximum eye poking jabs.  A curved finger would not do the job as effectively.  When playing the piano, the opposite is true. 

There are two ways I teach my students to find their optimal finger alignment or kinetic chain.  The first is to lay on the floor, flat on their backs with bended knee.  With their arm to their side, gently isolate one finger and lightly press it to the floor while lifting the whole arm off the floor.  Then gently rotate, swivel and explore a circle with the finger touching one spot on the floor.  Not to get all Zen here, but as in everything in life, it is in the imbalance where we can find the balance.  If you shift too far forward you will feel the tension in the front joint of the finger, too far back you will feel the tension in the tendon beneath.  If you hyper-extend the finger, you will experience that discomfort, too.  Do this will all five fingers and upon discovering the perfect effortless alignment, look at the finger and palm and take note of the perfect curve much like the dome of a cathedral ceiling.  That is the finger at its optimal strength where the load bearing bones are properly aligned by the tendons.   A second method of finding this alignment is to stand with your arms to your side.  Shake your hands until they are loose then let them hang to your side. Without moving a single finger, raise your hand and look at your fingers and palm.  They should be in perfect alignment for optimal piano playing power. 

It is the bones that depress a key and it is the tendon which puts the bone in place to play it.  Amy's flat finger technique was forcing the tendons to play the key and as a result was fraying her tendons and ligaments like a nylon rope.   I'll repeat, it is the tendon which aligns the bone and the bone which presses the key down through the use of gravity and the weight of the arm.  Tendons are for alignment, ligaments hold the bones together, bones do the load bearing work.  Deviate from nature's design and you're going to have problems.  These ligament, bone, muscle and tendon duties are not interchangeable.  Can we do it?  Sure.  Should we?  I can rob banks and make a lot of money but eventually I'll get caught and arrested.

After only two months of study with me, Amy's symptoms have pretty much disappeared and she stopped taking lessons. That is really unfortunate for her as she has several other problems her university piano professor has not addressed.  She also has a pretty bad ulnar deviation of the wrist and she has adduction and abduction issues with her thumb.  The combination of these two movements will eventually strain the tendon in her thumb creating a leakage of synovium fluid, the lubricant within the tendon sheath, and create a ganglion cyst or, "Bible Bump."  Guess how Dr. Alexander will treat this? 

-Malcolm Kogut (not a doctor, either).

Others

This is an old spiritual song of inspiration that my mother used to sing to me.  She also had an old scratchy recording of Tennessee Ernie Ford singing it.   This song and my mother's example of selfless service to others was very formative for me.  Because of her example and constant encouragement to help other people, I have always sought to help people by volunteering at a homeless shelter, a suicide hotline, 211, nursing homes, the VA hospital and many other places.  I have even been in the right place at the right time to save the lives of seven people.  One was an eight year old by from drowning, a fifteen year old boy who fell from a cliff, an elderly blind woman about to walk out onto a busy highway, a diabetic man that I twice discovered him lapsed into a coma, a woman who was choking, catching a man who passed out and was about to fall and my mother herself on numerous occasions.  I also prevented two house fires, one in my own home as a teen and the other in the home of an elderly woman who forgot that she had food cooking on her stove. 

When my mother was in a morphine induced coma, I slept on the floor by her bed for about two weeks as I nursed her to new life.  It was both the most painful and beautiful thing I have ever done.  While she was in a coma, I played her Tennessee Ernie Ford record over and over for her.  Shortly after she died, in 2001, I penned this little arrangement of "Others" and I recently found it so, I thought I would upload it. 

In my mother's final year she had no money and said that she wanted to go shopping so I offered to take her.  She said that she didn't have any money so I gave her $20 (a lot in those days).  As we were driving for the mall, she told me to stop in a little thrift shop which served the poor.  She went inside and found this ugly multi-colored sweater which was marked for fifty cents.  She gave the $20 to the lady who ran the thrift shop and told her to keep the change.  She was always doing little things like that.  After she died I brought all my mom's clothes to that thrift shop, including that sweater.  Upon telling my friend Carol that story, she drove an hour to that thrift shop and bought the sweater.  It was still fifty cents.

Now, to kill this otherwise wonderful tale, the thrift shop served a lot of poor and had done a lot of good work for several decades, but it was also always under fiscal duress itself.  All of the local churches supported it with special collections.  When the woman who ran it died, they discovered that she had three million dollars in her personal accounts.  Her children inherited it and kept it. 

For a copy of the sheet music:
http://www.free-scores.com/download-sheet-music.php?pdf=59516

To hear Ford singing it:
http://youtu.be/sD7W74LQb94

Lord, help me live from day to day
In such a self-forgetful way
That even when I kneel to pray
My prayer shall be for—Others.

Refrain

Others, Lord, yes others,
Let this my motto be,
Help me to live for others,
That I may live like Thee.

Help me in all the work I do
To ever be sincere and true
And know that all I’d do for You
Must needs be done for—Others.

Refrain

Let “Self” be crucified and slain
And buried deep: and all in vain
May efforts be to rise again,
Unless to live for—Others.

Refrain

And when my work on earth is done,
And my new work in Heav’n’s begun,
May I forget the crown I’ve won,
While thinking still of—Others.

Refrain

-Malcolm Kogut.

Criminalizing Life in the United States

A new study came out today that said 49% of the drivers on the road text while they drive.  Another study said 4 out of 5 college students text while driving.  Of course, politicians will now want to draft new legislation to increase the penalties on top of the already existing penalties for texting while driving.  Police departments will get additional grant money to purchase more vehicles so they can peer down into your vehicle to see if you are texting in your lap.  Senators will get to appear on TV news spots so they can inform the public of the wonderful job they are doing to protect you.

Texting laws don't actually make our roads more safe, they make them less safe.  If 50% of drivers are texting, which is against the law, making another law isn't going to stop them.   They obviously don't care about the law or they think they can get away with it (those criminals).  When cell phones first came out, I used to see people texting all the time by holding their phone up in front of their steering wheel so they could see both the road and their phone.  Now that it is against the law and they don't want to get caught, they text in their laps where they have to take their eyes off the road.  This is more dangerous than playing with your GPS, radio or cruise control.  The roads were more safe when they held their phones up to the road.  These laws have probably caused more accidents than they prevented.  People who text are not going to stop texting.  Period.  It's against the law to drive drunk, too.  What about marijuana, burglary, and prostitution?  Laws only stop honest people because either they are afraid of getting caught or the are educated by the law.

If our politicians rescinded the texting law and promoted education about the dangers of texting while driving, our roads would be more safe because the people who don't care about their own life or your life will at least be texting back up in the open where they can  maintain partial eye contact with the road.  This way, also, the taxpayer won't have to foot the bill for police departments to purchase new undercover SUV and vans used to catch people texting.  There will also be less arrests, court costs, incarceration, fines, increased insurance rates and the ancillary burden to the pocketbooks of the people who don't break the law.

Our politicians are excellent at creating laws that don't work and cost us more than they save.  Skylar Capo was 11 years old when she rescued a woodpecker who was about to be eaten by a cat.  Since the bird was injured, she wanted to nurse it back to health and she carried it to a local hardware store to get a cage for it.  While there, a USFWS agent issued a $600 ticket to Skylar and informed her that she faced up to one year in prison for violating a federal law against transporting migratory birds. 

Carey Mills procured all the state and local permits to build a camp on his waterfront property.  The day he began clearing for what was to be the foundation, the EPA arrested him for violating the Clean Water Act and he did 21 months in prison despite getting permits from the state. 

Steven Kinder ran a caviar business on the Ohio River which forms the Ohio-Kentucky border.  Mr. Kinder was arrested because he reported that his business was in Kentucky but was seen harvesting from "Ohio waters."  He faced $250,000 in fines and five years in prison.  He took a plea deal for three years probation and a $5,000 fine.

Lisa Snyder was a say-at-home mom and as a favor to her Michigan neighbors, would watch the local children for 15 minutes every morning until they caught the bus - because the bus stop was in front of her house.  When the police caught wind of this, she was threatened with 90 days in jail for operating a daycare and offering "babysitting services" without a license. 

Jeff Counceller and his wife found an injured baby deer and nursed it back to health.  Jeff was charged with possession of a deer and the animal was to be euthanized per state law.  Fortunately it "escaped."  The greater lesson is not to post pictures to Facebook.

Eddie Anderson of Idaho took his son camping where they found an "Indian" arrowhead.  He found himself facing two years in prison for theft of archaeological resources and  a $1,500 fine but took a plea deal for one year of probation.  The greater lesson is not to post these finds to Facebook.

Nancy Black operates a whale watching business and had videotape of a crew member whistling at whales to get them to stay near the boat.  After viewing the footage, NOAA burst into her home demanding the unedited tapes of the day in question.  She is facing 20 years in prison for withholding evidence.  The greater lesson is not to post your life to Facebook.

Ashley Warden was fined $2,500 after her three year old son Dillan pulled down his pants to urinate in his front yard.  A police officer spotted him committing this crime of exposure and he was facing charges and being put on the sex offender registry. 

Ann videotaped her husband changing their grandson's diaper.  Grandpa tickled the boy's "new-no" as he wriggled with glee and laughter. After posting pictures on their Facebook page, Ann was charged with distribution of child pornography and her husband did five years for molestation.  They are now registered sex offenders and were forced to move from their home of 40 years due to residency restrictions.  

Gary Harrington dug three ponds on his property to control rain water and snow runoff.  Gary was sentenced to 30 days in jail for collecting rainwater without a permit, which is against the law in Oregon.  He is now forced to continually drain his ponds.

Abner Schoenwetter of Florida shipped some marginally small lobsters in plastic bags to prevent leakage.  By law, lobster can only be transported in cardboard.  Abner was sentenced to eight years in prison because he didn't know of this regulation. 

Wallerstein and Wylie conducted a study of 3,000 New Yorkers who have never been arrested and found that 91% of them have "innocently" committed felonies but were not caught.  100% of them committed a misdemeanor of some type.  The next time you go out in public, know this, you are most likely walking among criminals. 

What can you do to reverse the orvercriminalization caused by politicians who feel they have to do SOMEthing in order to justify their high salaries?  Sign up for email updates from Heritage.org, NACDL.org, RightOnCrime.com, ACLJ.org, JusticeFellowship.org, ACLU.org, ALEC.org, FAMM.org.  Share your concerns with your elected representatives.  Demand that they focus on rescinding laws rather than pyramiding more laws on top of more laws.

William Tell Overture

The Sound of Music

In case you missed the live NBC staged performance of "The Sound of Music," featuring Carrie Underwood as Maria, it was, well, watch this:

Forgive or Hate?

It has been a sad day today.  First, Nelson Mandela died.  However a bigger story on my local news is the sentencing of a 23 year old man to five to fifteen years in prison.  A year ago he was driving while intoxicated and crashed into another car carrying four teenagers.  Two of them died. 

What is very sad is that the family and news media are outraged that the 23 year old (I'll refrain from using his name) did not get more time.  They were quite angry and demanded that the Governor increase the prison penalty for those convicted of DWI and manslaughter. 

What saddens me is the degree of hate and revenge the family and friends had at the news conference following the sentencing.  One of them said that they hope that the hell this 23 year old will face in prison is a foretaste to the hell he will face in eternity.  The only thing this press conference was doing was making things worse, fueling anger and stressing one another even more making the old adage "misery loves company" all the more true. 

Nelson Mandela once said "Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies."   When someone can't let go, when they hold onto anger and dedicate their life to revenge, it changes everything;  It changes their relationships, their attitudes and everything they do in life.  There is much to lose when you hate.  You don't lose a thing when you forgive because it is not a sign of weakness to forgive someone who hurts you, it's a sign of strength, in fact, you'll have much to gain.   Now this does not mean you have to become best friends with the person who hurt you, it simply means that you will no longer be caught in a downward spiral of anger and hurt which you may take out on other people such as family and friends.

Anger, bitterness and hate is more than a negative outlook on life.  It is a destructive and self destructive power like a cancerous cell or dangerous mold that thrives in the darkness of the heart.   It can be physically and emotionally damaging.  As the great Buddha once said, "He who opts for revenge should dig two graves." 

I don't know the young man convicted nor his remorse, rehabilitation or guilt, but in refusing to lay aside hatred, the family and friends are continuing to let him exert his influence over them.  Meanwhile he will spend the next five or ten years oblivious to their pain, in his state imposed Ashram, exercising, making new friends, studying at the school for crime, and learning to hate society for hating him.  When he gets out he will most likely be worse than when he went in and a continued burden to tax payers.  Under house arrest, he and his family would bear the burden for the cost of incarceration.  In prison, the taxpayer will be forking over about $30,000 per year to punish him.  Nobody wins. 

Someone once said that life is ten percent what happens to you, and ninety percent what you do with it.  Imagine if all the hate and energy being put toward destruction and lobbying for more laws was put into restorative justice, education and awareness.  These are not the last two teens who are going to be killed by a drunk driver and all the hate in the world directed at the 23 year old isn't going to save them.  Education and awareness of the evils of alcohol may.  But it seems these people wish to take revenge - on themselves because that is what hatred does.  Forgiving someone who hurts is us hard but everything is hard until you do it, then it becomes easy.  Then we will be inspired to do something - something good.  Maybe that is the scary part, it is easy to be angry and get other people to do something.  Bad things will always happen, but a bad thing can be a blessing in disguise to those brave enough to forgive and do something.   

For those of you who are religious, millions of people will recite the Lord’s Prayer in church this weekend.   They will pray, “Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.”  I often wonder whether we really mean what we say when we repeat these words, and whether we sufficiently consider their meaning.   What do you think God thinks of us when we don't hold up our end of the bargain?  And we wonder why atheists think the church is full of hypocrites. 

In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus teaches us not only to love our enemies, but even to “bless” those who persecute us.   While on the cross, he prayed for those who prosecuted and sentenced him, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” So did Stephen who prayed the same thing as he was being stoned to death: “Father, do not hold this against them.”

Loving and forgiving those who hurt us is the key to the solution for the problems in our world.  Hate begets hate.  Darkness doesn't drive out darkness.  Only light can do that.  Love is the only force capable of turning an enemy into a friend.  Hate destroys and tears down but by its very nature, love creates and builds up. Love transforms.  The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook and to forgive.

I once came home to discover that my dog pooped on the floor.  I yelled at her and she cowered in the corner.  I then realized that I was the one who left her alone in the house for ten hours so in my baby voice I called her over to me.  She was hesitant but her tail was wagging.  When she reached me, I petted her and she danced around me and kissed me.  All was forgiving from both of us.  I cleaned up her mess as she watched with a sideways glance.  Then we went outside for a nice run.  Nelson also once said that action may not bring happiness but there is no happiness without action.

Holiday Shopping

Has your Thanksgiving transformed into Thanksgetting?  It is ironic that when Columbus got lost and landed in Hispaniola and, two hundred years later the Puritans landed in Plymouth, their true intentions were to rape, pillage and plunder the land and its aborigines - which they did with aplomb.  400 years later, we do much the same in department stores and malls across the country on Black Friday.  Pushing, shoving, knocking, yelling, trampling and pepper spraying seems to be de rigueuer for holiday shopping. 

Most of the "deal" items for which we fight over and wait in long lines for are electronic items built from inferior components which won't last long, but, a $98 32" TV is a $98 32" TV. 

There are also brand items listed at sale prices but those sale prices are usually the store's target price to begin with.  A store may pay $5 for an item.  They want to get $15 for it so they charge $30.  If you pay $30 for it at any time during the year, they win.  If they take 50% off on Black Friday, they still win.  They're actually getting what they wanted in the first place.  If they take 75% off, they're still making money.  They depend upon the ignorance of the consumer to overpay year round. 

JC Penny once tried charging their lower targeted price for their merchandise but people stopped shopping there.  People want sales because they think they are getting a bargain.  They would rather get a 50% discount and pay $15 for an item than pay full price for it at JC Penny and pay $15.  JC Penny quickly raised their prices and began offering discounts shortly thereafter.

The other holiday trap is the recommendation.  Reviewers, reporters and celebrities get free stuff all the time with the hope that they will plug the item to their legions of followers and fans in return for the gift.  I was watching the news and a reporter did a segment which proffered holiday shopping ideas and bargains.  First of all, why was this news?  Second, what qualifications did this 24 year old reporter have to offer advice on electronics and comparative shopping?

She said that a hot item this year is the tablet.  Without discussing anything else, she said the best tablet on the market is the iPad.   Of course she did.  She probably got one for free.  What if I only want to listen to audio books or read ebooks on my tablet?  Do I still need the most expensive tablet on the market or will the $89 tablet work for me? 

Even if you want to use a tablet for surfing the net, checking email, playing games, watching movies and reading books, do you still need the most expensive tablet on the market or would one of the less expensive brands suffice?  Do you get more because you pay more? 

Of course there are dozens of variables and options ranging from memory, speed, screen size, touch variations, free apps, OS, accessories, etcetera.  Each variable can add or subtract from the cost.  You need to know what you want to do and if that particular tablet can do it.  Do you want to pay more for features you won't use?   If you don't live near the Autobahn, do you need a Bugatti which can travel at speeds over 250 mph?  If you do live near the Autobahn, would you be happy with a Aixam Coupe or Tata Nano?  When it comes to buying and using computers (and cars), I would rather drive a slow car fast than pay a fortune to drive a fast car slow.

I'm not ashamed to admit that I have a Zenithink C97 and C93 tablet.  They have no limitations as a tablet for my needs, and for the crafty shopper, you can pick them up for as low as $100 and $150.  However, if Apple would like to send me a free iPad, I may change my mind.

Music From "The Price Is Right"

It is safe to say that if not for the music from the TV game show, "The Price is Right," I might not be a musician today.  There were many factors which planted and germinated my nascent desire to be a musician.  The first was my Roman Catholic church closing.  They had a folk group and a pretty bad one at that.  The music did nothing for my latent inspiration and church was boring.  When the church closed my parents took us to the next church down the road, the Wesleyan's.  There, for the first time, around the age of five, I heard and fell in love with the sound of a well played pipe organ.  It was loud and soft, dissonant and harmonically pleasing, capable of being played fast and rhythmic or sustained.  It shook the walls, the floor and the pews.  What power and versatility it possessed.

It wasn't until my freshman year of High School, about ten years later, that I actually began studying music and that was because my parents purchased a small organ.  Prior to that though, during my junior high years I fell in love with the pop/disco/jazz music from Bob Barker's game show, The Price Is Right.   We didn't have the internet in those days so three TV stations, a few radio stations and records were all we had for inspiration and entertainment. 

I lived three miles from my school and my house was the last stop on the bus route.  It took almost an hour to get home.  So instead of taking the bus and missing the first half hour of "The Price Is Right," I ran home in about half an hour and was able to catch the beginning.  Don't tell my mother, she'd kill me if she found out and lucky for me, she never learned those "If Sally was traveling at 30 mph by car . . . ." equations.  She didn't question how or why I got home half an hour early, although, I suspect she knew.  The act of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook.  She  certainly possessed an uncanny wisdom.

I hated gym class because three days each week, it sapped my energy for what was really important to me:  Running to get home in time for the opening theme song.  And, we were also required to take showers which was stupid because I was about to run home and work up a real sweat. 

It is also safe to say that I also owe my early physical fitness to "The Price Is Right," too.  I am sorry President's Council on Physical Fitness, but gym class was a waste of time.  I also skied, hiked, biked and lived on a lake.   I barely worked up a sweat in gym class and most of my out of school time was spent doing real activities.  I really could have used that three hours spent in gym class doing something more productive.

Happy National Day of Mourning

How are you planning to celebrate the National Day of Mourning?  Food?  Feast?  Football? Family?  Pre-Black Friday shopping?   Will you spend time with your children cutting out hand traced turkeys and making Pilgrim hats?  Baking?  Skyping distant relatives?  Visiting with relatives?

Since the winners write the history books, children are taught in school that the National Day of Mourning was a day when "Indians," also known as Native Americans or, members of the Wampanoag tribe to be exact, sat down with "pilgrims" who were thankful for "discovering" the new land, making friends with the Wampanoag tribe, escaping religious persecution and sharing a meal of peace, love and joy.  Amen.

Some stories are just that, stories.  About the only thing true with that nice story is that the Wampanoag's were helpful to the European strangers who landed on their shore.  The truth is that the white settlers in Jamestown had to resort to cannibalism to survive and it was the Wampanoag tribe who helped them get through the bitter winter, mostly to prevent the white settlers from digging up Wampanoag graves.

Columbus didn't discover North America, or Plymouth.  He got lost and stumbled upon the island of Haiti where there was already an indigenous people there.  Christopher wrote in his log that he was thankful for the bounty of human cargo God gave him and then enslaved, raped and murdered most of the tribe.  They were the Arawak.  Furthermore, it was the Vikings, not Columbus, who first made contact with Native Americans in the area known today as Boston.  Leif Erikson was the first European and the first Christian to plant his feet on American soil 500 years earlier than Chris and, as such, he deserves more a place in the history of our country than Columbus does.

Back to the Pilgrim mythology, they did not come here to escape religious persecution (much like what they inflicted on the American Indians who already had their own religion) but they came here as part of a commercial venture.   It is also true that the pitiful settlers would not have survived here had it not been for the aid of the Wampanoag tribe.  What did the Wampanoag get in return?  Mass murder, forced relocation, theft of land, alcoholism, disease, starvation, genocide, jail and repression.   All that, for which we are apparently thankful, spread across the continent as the Europeans pushed westward and did much the same to all other tribes. 

The government gave settlers free land on the outskirts of their new cities and settlements.  Many poor farmers, their families and prospectors took advantage of the free land and began spreading west.  The Native Americans would protest and push back.  The settlers complained to the military who would then come out and confront the Native Americans.  This did not end well for the "Indians."  We would kill one of them and they would come back and kill one of our settlers.  We would go back and kill five of them.  They would come back and kill five of us in return.  We would go back and kill twenty five of them, and on it went.   As settlers encroached into Native American lands, the Native Americans attacked. Atrocities took place on both sides. When certain Native American villages refused to surrender the "savages" accused of murdering whites, Andrew Jackson ordered entire villages destroyed.  The free land given to families also created a buffer zone.  If the Native Americans attacked, they would attack the outskirts first, protecting the cities and towns and wealthier class.  After all, as it is today, the poor are expendable and very useful for political gain.  Hitler used the Jews, the Puritans used "witches."  Harry Anslinger used blacks and jazz musicians, and politicians today continue disenfranchising the underclass for their own political gain.

The first official "Day of Thanksgiving" was proclaimed in 1637 by Governor Winthrop. He did so to celebrate the safe return of men from Massachusetts who had gone to Mystic, Connecticut to participate in the massacre of over 700 Pequot women, children, and men. 

Thanksgiving is by far the greatest monument to racism.   There are many people who would say that these events happened over 300 years ago and it is not their fault.  This is true.  We can at least demand that our schools teach the truth and that we acknowledge the terrorism and genocide our ancestors committed - for religious freedom.  We don't need to give up our Thanksgiving customs, traditions, Black Friday sales and parades, but let us at least know that for the Native American culture that this day is for them, the National Day of Mourning and that they have little to be thankful for.

For Further reading - HISTORY IS A WEAPON
http://www.historyisaweapon.com/defcon1/zinncol1.html

"The greatest single acts of terrorism to date were not perpetrated by Osama bin Laden, but by the US military when it dropped atomic bombs on the civilian people of Hiroshima and Nagasaki."
From a speech by Moonanum James on the 32nd National Day of Mourning, 2001.

Ever hear about Evacuation Day?
http://www.thedailyshow.com/full-episodes/fri-november-22-2013-

Heal Thyself; An Ounce of Prevention

ARRGH.  I recently went hiking with a couple of friends and one of the hikers is a high school gym teacher.  I hiked in silent horror as he offered endless advice to his teenage son, daughter and the rest of us  about technical issues and body mechanics.  This man has a Masters in PE and is professionally teaching kids - to harm their bodies. 

The first bit of bad advice he gave was regarding warm ups.  He led our group in unsolicited stretching exercises.   I stood by and watched.  He admonished me to participate saying that if I don't warm up, I will injure myself.  This is true.  However, after getting out of my toasty bed that morning, I sat in my sauna for forty five minutes, took a hot shower, ate a hot breakfast and drove to the mountain base with my car's heat on full blast.  My entire body was warm to the core and raring to go.  But I waited patiently. 

When you stretch muscles, you are tearing tissue so the body has two defensive actions.  The first is to rush blood to the area of damage to begin repair.   This sudden rush of blood gives a feeling of warmth.  You are not really "warming up" the existing tissue (nor the whole body).  You are actually destabilizing isolated parts with micro tears which CAN lead to injury.   It is better to warm the entire body with heat rather than isolating body parts and foolishly think you are warming up by tearing muscle tissue.  The second defensive action of the body is inflammation which leads to the next bit of bad advice.

While hiking, his son sprained his ankle - despite being "warmed up."  Dad, without looking at it immediately told him to "walk it off."  Provided there were no broken bones or torn tendons, walking it off does have some merit. 

If you overuse or injure a body part such as a tendon, the body's response is to do a quick fix by putting scar tissue there.  This however, could lock or freeze up parts which were designed to move.  In the old days doctors would put your body part in a cast, splint or brace.  When the immobilization device was finally removed, the body would be stiff and it would take weeks, months or even years to get full mobility back - if.  Many doctors today favor using simple tape on the injured limb so that the body can still move in its mid range of motion and not to the extreme range of motion where further damage can occur.  A stretch for instance is an extreme range of motion. 

Maintaining gentle mid range movement keeps tendon sheaths lubricated with synovium fluid, prevents scar tissue from forming and tethering a tendon to its sheath and, promotes circulation so that blood can carry away toxins and damaged tissue which are created by our injury or stretch.   Most people can recognize this simple fact after sitting in a car for a long time or resting in the middle of some physical activity.   When they get back up, their body is stiff.  Our circulatory systems are designed to circulate.  Why do you think a "deer longs for flowing streams?"  Flowing water is fresh.  Stagnant water is, well, stagnant.   So, walking it off is good provided there is no serious damage.

Both a friend of mine and myself fell around the same time and both of us injured our right wrists.  Both of us had swelling and bruising.  He wore a brace and I decided to take advantage of the wonderful pain to work on proper body mechanics.  Although my wrist hurt and was tender to the touch, I was still able to play the piano without pain and playing actually made my wrist feel better because I was able to use it and not aggravate it.  Here is a link to a video of me playing a recital just two weeks later.

Flight of the Bumblebee
http://youtu.be/A1FHmgkwi2U 

I admit there were a few problems in my performance but the reason I was still able to play was that I wasn't using my wrist but moving my fingers by using my long flexors and employing the rotation of my forearm.  I am pretty much pain free right now but I still can't dorsiflex but, why would I want to do that to my carpal tunnel?  My friend is still wearing a brace today and has limited mobility and great stiffness.   The difference between us is that I used my body mechanics to promote healing and he is using the stagnation/immobilization method to heal.  I offered some advice but some people won't listen.  He's gobbling down ibuprofen and wearing a brace. 

Back to the hike.  When we returned to the parking lot, our teenager took off his shoe and sock to reveal a purple and swollen ankle: a gorgeous example of nature's cast.   Dad told him that when they got home he could ice it and elevate it.  That's fair.  Treating symptoms can make you feel better but doesn't fix problems.  If your car's tires have uneven wear, getting new tires will treat the symptom but not the problem of the car's alignment.   The first thing this boy needed was an x-ray to ensure there was nothing broken or fractured.   I suggested that the boy put both his feet in a contrast bath and Dad, who has a Masters in PE asked, "What's that?"

If my kid's teacher or coach ever suggested stretching and warm ups in this manner, I'd find a new coach.  Sure I could try to educate them but some egos are too big to admit they are wrong or to change.  That is the beauty of making mistakes but only a few of us can learn from them.  Touch a hot stove and you may never do that again.  Get caught stealing and maybe the shame will make you never do it again.  Sprain your wrist and maybe you will analyze what hurts and what doesn't and you will discover your body's optimal alignment and be better at everything you do - or you can wear a brace and heal in time.

We've all heard the stories of a seeker who ascends a mountain to get an answer from a Zen Master at the top.  When the seeker arrives at the top, finds the Zen Master and asks his question, the Master doesn't answer.  That is because if you don't discover the answer on the journey, you won't understand the answer if it is given to you.  The answer is:  Don't seek the truth - just drop your opinions and the answer will come to you.  A friend of mine is a great songwriter but he is not a musician.  The reason he can come up with beautiful melodies is that his mind is not cluttered with theory, style, propriety or technique. 

Ultimately the newly minted resilience of youth is powerful.  Kids will heal and come back.  But when they turn fifty, and their joints begin to stiffen and become sore, they move and exercise less, they begin to put on weight which stresses the joints further, they develop arthritis and tendonitis, diabetes, clogged arteries and shortness of breath - know that it all started thirty years ago with a stretch and a warm up.  

"When the task is done beforehand, then everything else is easy."
-Zen master Yuan-tong.

Mass Confusion

I often hear people complain about how boring church is or that the prayers are long and boring, or even that the pastor says the same prayers each week.  I'd like to offer some insight and possibly change your perception of prayer and church. 

Things can be boring for people for several reasons.  Take a baseball game.  If you know nothing about baseball, of course it may be boring especially if you were dragged to a game.  Every game is the same, some could say.  If you do know how the game is played you can appreciate it.  If your city owns a team you may have patriotism for the team because of this geography.  If you have a friend, child, sibling on the team or if you enjoy playing yourself, you will find tremendous interest in the game.  You will be interested because you are somehow connected to it and understand it. 

Just being present at the game can be boring so, most of us, when we go to a game we engage in active participation.  We are not playing the actual game but we are cheering, booing, standing or stomping.  Some of us may hold our breath while someone is up to bat or if the ball looks like it is going to go out of the stadium.  We talk about what is going on with the people around us.  We make note of the score, the innings, the balls, fowls, who is up to bat, how many people are on the bases and which ones.  This is all important information.  Simply paying attention to what is going on makes the game interesting for us because our minds and maybe our bodies are actively participating. 

"Church is boring because the pastor says the same prayers each week."  Well, is a baseball game boring because the team uses the same players each game, they run the same bases, the same balls, often in the same stadium, the same innings?  Yet, why is every game new and fresh for many people each week?  Each game, borne of the same matrix, is different.  Even though everything is the same, somehow everything is different.

How come we can listen to a favorite song over and over again?  Why don't we get bored with it?  The answer is because we actively participate with it.  We may listen to the lyrics, tap our foot, sing along, or simply get lost in the flow.  As a musician, I can listen to the same song every day but each day hear something different.  Why?  Because each day I am a different person.  I may be more alert or more tired.  I may be in a good mood or a bad mood.  I often find myself breathing with the performers.  A lyric may resonate more deeply with me because something new happened in my life.  I never thought my football playing-car mechanic friend, William, would sing nursery rhymes but now he sits with his four your old singing "Itsy Bitsy Spider" complete with hand movements.  Why this new full and active participation with nursery rhymes when four years ago his satellite radio was always tuned to Ozzy's Boneyard?  Something changed him.  He became aware of something.

So how can you fully and actively participate in the boring prayers the pastor or priest says each Sunday when all you do is stand there?  I'm going to break apart the most boring of prayers:  The Eucharistic Prayer.  It is long and boring and exists in most churches in most denominations in some form or another.  You'll probably be surprised that most of these segments have their own names and movements. Watch your clergy and what they do with their hands and gestures as they plow through this prayer.

The first part of this prayer is the Kaddosh.  It is the opportunity for you to enter into the holy.  The cleric says "Lift up your hearts" and our response is "We lift them up unto the Lord."  But do we?  This little segment of prayer goes by very fast and there isn't much time to "enter into the Holy."  When you enter a baseball stadium there are a few thousand people there and it is noisy.  You can probably feel the excitement of the crowd and within yourself almost immediately.  When Isaiah entered into heaven in his dream, there were thousands of angels there singing.  What is holy and sacred to you that gives you a special feeling?  Was it being present at the birth of your child?  Scaling the summit of some great mountain and taking in the view?  Could it be holding the hand of a loved one as they pass away?  Is it like watching the sunset with someone you adore?  Whatever it is, you need to know it and practice it so when your cleric invites you to lift your heart into a holy place, you can do it.  To further augment this action of your mind, heart and soul, consider lifting your hands a little as you say "We lift them unto the Lord."

The next part of the Eucharistic Prayer is the Eucharistia or, the giving thanks.  Here the clergy will recite some of the wonderful things God has done.  If someone does something nice for us, it is common to actively participate with them by saying "thank you."  So as the pastor reads a list of wonderful things God has done, think to yourself "thank you."  So, it may sound something like this:  Father in heaven, it is right that we give you thanks and glory.  You made the universe (thank you), you put an end to death (thank you), you created all things (thank you), you do not abandon us (thank you), you invite us to serve the family of mankind (thank you), your spirit changes our hearts (thank you), nations seek peace (thank you), you put and end to strife (thank you), you've created the moon and stars (thank you), you created all living creatures (thank you).  A lot of times the clergy will read or recite these things which we should be thankful for way too fast for us to think about them or even think "thank you" to ourselves.  For this I am sorry for, even clergy can be bored, not know what they are doing or even want to get out of there.

This section ends with the reference of Isaiah dreaming about being in heaven and he hears the choir of angels singing.  What are they singing? "Holy, Holy, Holy" or the Sanctus.  Here, we can fully and actively participate by singing that same song which has been sung for thousands of years.   Know this,  singing oxygenates our blood which goes to our brains and muscles.  If you sing, you can't help but be a different person as your body too, becomes transformed and energized by fresh oxygenated red blood.  A transubstantiation of sorts.

The next part is called the Epiclesis or, evoking the Spirit to transform and sanctify all things especially the gifts.  What is the greatest gift you can offer God?  No it is not your money in the collection plate but, your self.  Here a priest will say something like "We come to you Father with praise and thanksgiving through Jesus your Son.  Through him we ask you to accept and bless these gifts we offer you in sacrifice."  The priest will then do a sign of the cross over "the gifts."  I was in a Protestant church once where the pastor did the sign to the congregation.  That was powerful for me.  It meant that all the gifts I offer in sacrifice such as volunteering at the hospital, the homeless shelter or answering the suicide hotline - are blessed and sanctified by the Holy Spirit.   When Jesus was baptized, the heavens opened up and the Holy Spirit descended upon him "like a dove."  This is your opportunity to also be sanctified by the gifts you offer God.  What did you offer God?  Was it money?  I bet it was money.  Some churches love money. 

The next part for you to participate in is the Institutional Narrative or Anamnesis.  This is the story telling time.  It is the time to remember and participate in what Jesus did by re-telling his story.   Have you ever gone camping and sat around the fire and listened to people tell stories?  That is what this is like except our fire consists of a few candles.  I bet each one of us can remember huge childhood meals with our family such as Thanksgiving where the turkey is carved, bread is broken (and smeared with butter), dishes are passed, wine is poured . . . This is the Institutional Narrative and it tells of the day before Jesus suffers, he takes bread, looks to heaven, gives thanks and breaks it and passes it.  He then says to "Do this in memory of me."  Do we?  Or, are these just words whizzing by at breakneck speed?  We then actively participate by saying or singing an acclamation of memorial, "Christ has died, Christ is risen, Christ will come again."  I hope you're ready.

The next part which goes by quickly is the Offering or Anaphora.  It is the invitation or offering our gifts and self with, in and through Christ. We ask God to look with favor upon these offerings and accept them. 

The next long section goes way too fast.  It is the intercession to include all our friends, relatives, living or dead in this action of salvation even if they are not present.  We ask God (and ourselves) to remember the church, a list of clergy, maybe a dash of politicians, in the Roman Catholic church a specific person whose family paid the priest to mention them, all our brothers and sisters who have gone to their eternal rest, maybe a list of people in our congregation who are ill, Mary, the apostles and all the saints.  I say that this section, despite its length, goes too fast because when it comes time to remember my deceased relatives, there are far too many to think about in the one second the cleric as allotted me. 

Even more rapid is the Doxology where we praise God in union with everyone just mentioned and give God glory through his Son, Jesus Christ.  If you are quick, you can sneak in a thought of praise to God for everyone and everything just mentioned. 

The next part is the Renewal of the Covenant.  This is the moment of truth.  A covenant is a binding agreement.  It is your contract with God.  A verbal handshake.  If you break a contract in everyday life you could be sued, forced to pay restitution, fired or even sent to prison.  Break this contract with God - He'll give you another chance next week - He is not as vengeful and punitive we humans are.  Your acceptance of everything God promises you is your saying "Amen."  In return, your "Amen" is a promise to God to live, be and spread the Good News.  That means you won't leave church and judge others, ostracize, abandon, ignore, cheat or lie.  You will use the gift or yourself to feed, clothe, visit, heal and comfort.  Don't say "Amen" if you don't intend to hold up your end of the bargain.  That would mean your word is worthless.  Even though God will forgive you, your word is still worthless and you will know it.  That is why this is called "The Great Amen."  If you beleive in the salvific power of this prayer and the resurrection, this is a life and death proposition.  Will you break this contract when you leave the church parking lot and someone cuts in front of you?  How do you feel when you break your word?  Buddha called that karma.

Prayer is not something to stand there and listen to, it is something you do even if it is only in your own mind.  To sum up your full and active participation in the act of worshiping God during the Eucharistic Prayer, it involves: entering that place which is holy, giving thanks to God several times for what he has done, invoking the Spirit of God upon us (or the gifts), listening to the stories and giving them meaning, offering in Thanksgiving, interceding for those who are not here and remembering each of them, giving thanks, and finally, renewing the covenant and affirming it with an amen.  And of course, keeping your word the rest of the week.

Hopefully if you want to fully and actively participate in the prayers that your clergy is reciting, he will be going slow enough so that you can take the time to respond and remember and affirm in your own mind what he is saying.  If he is going too fast or you don't really care to participate, may the force be with you, na-new na-new.

If you do fully and actively participate, you'll leave church a different person, a better person a more compassionate person.  A person trying to be better.  A Eucharistic person.  A person of transubstantiation.  A person of metanoia. 

The Proper Way To Poop

Many people know that I am a proponent of ergonomic movement especially where it concerns the arms, hands and fingers.  I also employ ergonomic discipline to my hips, shoulders, knees and ankles.  Not only does it enable effortless movement and greater strength but proper movement promotes healing.  When the body has unhampered nerves, muscles, bones, tendons and a free flowing oxygenated blood supply, it can heal itself.  I have healed myself and others of carpal tunnel syndrome, tendonitis, dystonia, bone fractures, fibromyalgia, etcetera.  

Ergonomics is not limited to our musculoskeletal systems.  Anatomically, humans are designed to squat when pooping.  There are people in many cultures who still squat to void or eliminate.  It is interesting to note that many of these third world cultures don't suffer from hemorrhoids, constipation, colitis, appendicitis, colon cancer, fistula, diverticulitis or other ailments we civilized Western Culture people do. 

It is a popular misconception that a plumber named Thomas Crapper invented the toilet but it is not true.  Crapper did not invent the flush toilet. He did, however do much to increase the popularity of the toilet.  The toilet was invented by Sir John Harington.  Look it up on the URBANLEGENDS website.

The modern toilet is great for people with bad knees and hips but it does nothing to promote good colon health and does everything to hamper it.  Consider the garden hose.  If you step on it or kink it, the flow of water will diminish considerably.  If you look at a picture of your colon, you'll notice a series of kinks.  The very last kink before the anus has the puborectalis muscle wrapped around it.  This muscle aids in the effort to maintain continence.  While you stand or sit, this muscle is engaged and helps to hold everything in.  

When you sit on a toilet, you are sitting at a 90 degree angle and the puborectalis muscle is only partially relaxed and still attempting to hold everything in so you have to push to get stuff out.  But when you sit at a 30 degree angle, the muscle is fully relaxed and the final bend in the colon is now straight so whatever is in there can now effortlessly fall out. 

If you've ever been on the toilet with cramps, you instinctively know that it is more comfortable to curl down so that your chest is touching your knees.  That is your body trying to do what it knows is the right thing but the torture device you are sitting on is preventing that for even in this almost proper position the kink in the colon is maintained. 

If your home is equipped with a western civilization toilet and not one like you may find in India, for instance, experiment with putting your feet up on a step-stool, stepladder, box or trash can.  You should try to sit upright with your knees at a 30 degree angle. 

So the next time you feel like the crap was beaten out of you, try this posture and maybe you won't feel so pooped (sorry, I had to do that). 

While crossing the Brooklyn Bridge with my sister, I fell on bended knee and proposed she ride the Megabus back home with me.  She accepted.  We then paid $10 for a lock engraved with our names on it, added it to the thousands of other locks, then tossed the key into the river.   She later dumped me for the ever agreeable Morgan Freeman at Times Square.   

 

Halloween Organ Recital - Hall of the Mountain King

Hall of the Mountain King
Edvard E-Grieg-ious
This recording is from my practice session one day before my Hallowe'en Organ Recital.  For this number I don't have a performance copy because some dummy forgot to press the record button at the beginning of the recital. 

Moonlight Sonata - Halloween Organ Recital

Moonlight Sonata
Ludwig van Beeth-baked-his-nephew-in-the-oven

This recording is from my practice session one day before my Hallowe'en Organ Recital.  For this number I don't have a performance copy because some dummy forgot to press the record button at the beginning of the recital. 

From the program:  Many of you know that I’m a fan of closing my eyes while listening to music. I’d like to encourage you to do that here. You won’t miss anything, I promise.  Remember some happy moment from your childhood: Washing the dishes with Mom; “Helping” Dad to mow the grass; Your brother putting the chain on your bike; Breaking a bone falling off the bike and your friends signing your cast; Being hit by a baseball and getting a shiner but telling your friends “You should see the other guy.”  We are not successful  in spite of our handicaps and failures but because of them.  It is our disadvantages which will make us stronger than everyone else.  With tenacity you overcome them.  Our sense of self grows out of difficulty and how it is navigated. 

So, flex those ocular cavity folds and reminisce about those happy “bad” times which made you who you are today. If somnolence befalls you, BONUS!

Halloween Organ Recital - Gymnopedies

Gymnopedies
Erik Satan-ie
How many of you have had that nightmare where you were in school with only your underwear on or were completely naked?  The Gymnopaedia, in ancient Sparta, was a yearly celebration where naked Olympians displayed their athletic skills through the medium of war dancing.  The custom was introduced in 668 B.C. with a parade of the naked athletes, oiling their bodies so as to highlight the beauty of their muscles and physique.  So, if you have ever had the urge to run naked through the church, now is the time to do it with impunity.  Do it with pride for your country (no gold medals will be given out for being Great or Swell). 

Fughetta on “Itsy Bitsy Spider” - Halloween Organ Recital

To buy or steal the sheet music for this piece:
http://www.free-scores.com/download-sheet-music.php?pdf=57993

Fughetta on “Itsy Bitsy Spider” - Halloween Organ Recital
This recording is from my practice session one day before my Hallowe'en Organ Recital.  For this number I don't have a performance copy because some dummy forgot to press the record button at the beginning of the recital. 

Halloween Organ Recital - Flight of the Bumblebee

I could fight a grizzly bear, track a cobra to its lair, kill a crocodile who dares to cross my path. However, the following critter, measuring up to half an inch, can send me into apoplectic frenzy.

Flight of the Bumblebee
Nikolai Rimsky-the-Russians-are-coming-Korsakov

Organ Stop List

People have repeatedly asked my for a spec sheet for the Rodgers organ I played on for my recent Halloween recital.  Here it is.

Toccata in D Minor - Halloween Organ Recital

This recording is from my practice session one day before my Hallowe'en Organ Recital.  For this number I don't have a performance copy because some dummy forgot to press the record button at the beginning of the recital.

Every time I play this toccata, I have to do it differently.  Sorry purists.

Halloween Organ Recital: Phantom of the Opera

Phantom of the Opera
Andrew Lloyd Spider-Webber

This recording is from my practice session one day before my Hallowe'en Organ Recital.  For this number I don't have a performance copy because some dummy forgot to press the record button at the beginning of the recital.  Too bad because I improved the registration. 

Siciliano

Why does this Christopher Columbus get a holiday named after him?

First, he was a failure.  His expedition was to find a faster route from Spain to China.  He  never completed that task

He never landed on Plymouth Rock but on the shores of Hispaniola.  Today, we call that island the Dominican Republic and Haiti.  Boy, my grade school teachers were stupid.

When Columbus and his sailors came ashore, the indigenous people, the Arawaks, ran to greet them, bringing them food, water and gifts. This first encounter spelled the end for the Arawaks.  He later wrote of this in his log:

"They . . . brought us parrots and balls of cotton and spears and many other things, which they exchanged for the glass beads and hawks' bells. They willingly traded everything they owned . . . They were well-built, with good bodies and handsome features . . . .They do not bear arms, and do not know them, for I showed them a sword, they took it by the edge and cut themselves out of ignorance. They have no iron. Their spears are made of cane . . . They would make fine servants . . . .With fifty men we could subjugate them all and make them do whatever we want."

He later wrote:
"As soon as I arrived in the Indies, on the first Island which I found, I took some of the natives by force in order that they might learn and might give me information of whatever there is in these parts. Thus the eternal God, our Lord, gives victory to those who follow His way over apparent impossibilities."

His men raped and murdered women and children.  They forced the Arawak men to carry them around the island in litters, chairs or on their shoulders.  There was even a story of two boys who were playing with their pet parrot and Columbus' men beheaded the two boys and took their parrot. 

He then sailed back to Spain where he lied about finding large amounts of gold and  asked the monarchy for more resources to finance a second expedition, telling them that he would bring back scores of gold and slaves.  He got seventeen ships and twelve hundred men for his second expedition. He never found any gold but he did capture several hundred of the natives and caged them up in his ships to return them to Spain.  Most of them died en-route.  Christopher wrote:  "Let us in the name of the Holy Trinity go on sending all the slaves that can be sold." 

Many of Columbus' men continued to roam the island in gangs taking women and children as slaves for sex and labor.  While trying to put together an army of resistance, the Arawaks faced Spaniards who had armor, muskets, swords, horses. The Spaniards took prisoners, they hanged them, beheaded them or burned them to death. Among the Arawaks, mass suicides began by using Cassava poison. Infants were poisoned by their parents in order to save them from Columbus and his men.

So, happy Columbus Day.  Hundreds of thousands of Arawak's died at the hands of Columbus so that you could have this day off.  Do our schools still lie to us?