Sunday, May 12, 2013
Monday, May 6, 2013
SUICIDE
I used to answer two suicide hotlines in both a volunteer and paid
capacity. Because of this experience, I often get many people in
various social circles asking me questions about suicide. Usually it is
about "a friend" but I have sometimes found that third party queries
can be personal. In those cases, I would quickly turn the question
around and ask the person questioning me if they have ever thought about
suicide themselves, then, take their question from there as it pertains
to the "friend."
When I first began my training, I was asked if I knew anyone who attempted suicide and I didn't. After the training, I realized that I had indeed known over 15 people who attempted suicide or completed the act. How quickly the living can forget. That is something the people contemplating suicide are rarely aware of. One of them was a priest friend whom I had lunch with every Sunday for 25 years as I went in to do volunteer work at the VA Hospital. He had written some not very flattering anonymous letters about the sexual proclivities of our Bishop, who then found out who wrote them and called my friend, Fr. Minkler, in from his vacation to sign documents stating that he didn't write the aforementioned letters. As I met with Fr. John that Sunday afternoon, I was running late and we skipped lunch. He told me that he was having problems and he asked me to pray for him. I told him that I would and then went on my oblivious and preoccupied way. He completed suicide that night and I was most likely that last person to speak with him.
There are many reasons people think about suicide. Here are just a few.
A teen who identifies as homosexual and has homophobic parents; or he discovers that his religious faith forbids and condemns it or him; he may witness or is the recipient of bullying and persecution at school. Ironically, our mainstream society is indeed very tolerant and unflinching about the topic. It is the intolerant religious groups, media, politicians, parents worried about their child's future happiness and people who protest too much who are the real problems.
There have also been parents who lost their job and they see no hope of obtaining employment in the future and they think that the only way to provide for their children is to kill themselves for the insurance money. Some people think they are a burden and their family would be better off without them.
Someone who was hurt and betrayed by someone they love and thinks that completing suicide will "show them" or get even. Teens think this way quite often. Sometimes a call for help can go unheard one too many times.
There are many people who are intolerably lonely and may feel friendless, lost or ostracized. Each long day is a struggle to get through. Sleep is their only relief from the pain of loneliness.
Another caller may be someone who was arrested. It isn't the remorse for the crime which can make them think about suicide. Restorative justice can easily resolve any wrongs they've committed and they know this and would gladly put things right given the opportunity. It is the shame of getting arrested. Then, maybe losing their job because of it, losing friends, the feeling that they've shamed their family and are facing an uncertain future with expensive courts, lawyers, prison and legal proceedings. This is our punitive and unforgiving society at its best.
There are many people who suffer from biological, prescription or event created depression. I've had many people who witnessed something horrific such as military personnel, who then don't know how to deal with their experience.
Some people are in tremendous physical pain and see no relief or hope in their future. Many of these people are trapped in a downward spiral of addiction to prescription drugs where either the drugs have no effect anymore or weaning off of them is intolerable. Doctors are quick to try other drugs or mix and match a cocktail of them. This doesn't always resolve the dependency.
The one thing to remember is when someone calls, they are not looking for somebody to fix their problems or give them a solution or tell them what to do. They are looking for someone to be there and to listen. To help them get through the moment. To be a friend.
During my first few days of answering the phone, every time it rang I was terrified. The key though, was in remembering that the caller was looking to get through the moment. To live another day. And, I was there to only listen. To steer them into their pain of the now.
I had a caller who had a gun and was intent upon shooting himself. I asked him to put the gun down so that we could talk. He did. Later in the conversation I asked him to take the bullets out. He did. I then asked him to place the bullets in another room and put the gun away in a separate room, which he did. We then had a very long conversation. At the end of the call, I invited him to call back tomorrow to let me know how he was doing and he said he would think about it. He did call back the next day but got a different suicide specialist. He wanted to thank me for saving his life and told the other suicide specialist that after he hung up with me, he was going to follow through with killing himself. What saved him was his promise to call me back the next day. His word and promise was more important to him than all the problems he was going through. Making dinner, getting a full nights sleep and getting up the next morning was enough for him to be glad he was still alive. I didn't fix his problems, but I did get him through the moment and gave him something to look forward to.
I had a frequent caller who kept a bottle of vodka and prescription pills under her bed. That was how she was going to do it. Her problems were many and she didn't want to complete suicide, but she did want to die. Her life held no joy. I once convinced her to pour the Vodka down the drain. She continued to call to both check in and to make sure we were still here for her. She would call sometimes just to say hi. I would ask her if she was thinking about suicide today and she said yes, but wasn't going to do it. Then, on cue, she would tell me what she was going to do for the rest of the day to get through it and we'd hang up. One day she procured a new bottle of vodka and called us. She got a new person on the phone who panicked at the fact that she had the means and the intent so, he called 911. The police went to her home, broke down her door, put her in handcuffs, the neighbors all came out, the lights were flashing and they then transported her to a mental institution where she had to remain for three or four days of observation. We never heard from her again.
There are many right and wrong things to say to a caller. Trust me, some callers will let you know when you say the wrong thing. They can either blow up at you, insult you, or hang up the phone. The irony is that all the wrong things to say are very natural to us. They include things like,
"I'm sorry."
"Let me tell you what happened to me."
"I know exactly how you feel."
"The same thing happened to my sister."
"This is what I would do."
It is uncomfortable for many of us to not be able to help someone fix their problems. It is our nature and desire to fix people but in reality, it drives us further from the person seeking help. A caller calls because they want to talk. The more talking we do, the less they get to. The more we talk about ourselves, the less they get to talk about their problem.
Sometimes a caller is silent and that can be very uncomfortable for us because we feel like we have to say something to fill the void, when in reality, just being there is enough. One caller told me that she didn't want to talk. She just wanted to know that somebody was there. Some of my callers had their greatest breakthroughs in the silence. Silence was my greatest tool in my suicide toolbox.
Here are a few questions I would ask a caller to get the conversation started. The next time someone shares a problem with you, and it doesn't have to be about suicide, resist the natural urge to wallow in their complaints or fix them and their problems. The hard part is to just listen and steer them into their pain. When they can talk about what is bothering them, they can begin to heal. Try these and see where the conversation goes. Notice that these questions, comments and concerns get the other person to talk more and you, less. The key lies in truly listening and caring. Only then can you hear the subtle cues as to what to ask next for, one answer can open up a dozen more questions and comments from you. The questions may be:
What would you like to talk about today?
How have you been dealing with that?
You said that this problem has been bothering you, what is most difficult?
Tell me what happened when . . .
Say more about . . .
What is it that you want from . . .
It sounds like that is very difficult to deal with.
How did they make our feel?
Tell me more about how feeling ___ is like for you.
It is not always comfortable talking to someone about these things but take your time. I'm here to listen and support you (after a prolonged silence).
Have you told anyone how you're feeling?
What do you think you can do?
What may stand in your way of . . .
What support options do you have?
You sound like you are in a lot of pain (note, that's not a question).
Does anything trigger that?
Where do you direct your anger?
Have you been trying to stop?
How did you feel when . . .
What kind of coping techniques do you use?
What can you do right not to take your mind off of . . .
As you can see, those questions get the caller to talk about what is bothering them. But, that is just the tip of the iceberg. After establishing rapport, defining the problem, exploring their feelings, I would come right out and ask them if they were thinking about suicide today, if they haven't already told me. I would also come right out and ask them if they have a plan, a time, the means, or if they ever tried it in the past. At this point they are very comfortable admitting anything. Even that they are standing at a river's edge or there is a gun in their lap.
When I feel that they are safe for the moment, I would get them to make plans for after we end the call. These are called distracting activities. At this point I know quite a bit about the caller and can make suggestions if they are at a loss at coming up with their own. They may include:
Calling or visiting someone
Exercise, going for a walk or ride a bike.
Go shopping.
Watch TV.
Cook or eat something they enjoy.
Play with a pet.
Create something with art or music, a letter or a journal, meditate or take a shower.
Go outside and take pictures.
Clean the house.
Etcetera.
The fact that someone calls us in the first place and is willing to talk about suicide shows that they have ambivalence and that is a great way to start.
There are hundreds of suicide hotlines. Many are funded and staffed through schools and colleges. Unfortunately they may have limited hours, are open mostly during the day or not on the weekends. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (NSPL) is seven days a week, twenty four hours a day. Their toll free and anonymous number is 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
"Like" NSPL on FaceBook (FB is also a source of depression for many people, BTW). Blog about NSPL. Print out their cards and leave them around schools, the library, at work, in your church, on bulletin boards, on coffee tables, on store shelves, anywhere where people are. Keep the toll free number on your cell phone so when you encounter someone with a problem, ask them if they would like to speak with someone about it then pass them your phone. Check out the NSPL website to learn more:
https://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org
Suicide should not be a secret. Are you thinking about suicide today?
-Malcolm Kogut.
When I first began my training, I was asked if I knew anyone who attempted suicide and I didn't. After the training, I realized that I had indeed known over 15 people who attempted suicide or completed the act. How quickly the living can forget. That is something the people contemplating suicide are rarely aware of. One of them was a priest friend whom I had lunch with every Sunday for 25 years as I went in to do volunteer work at the VA Hospital. He had written some not very flattering anonymous letters about the sexual proclivities of our Bishop, who then found out who wrote them and called my friend, Fr. Minkler, in from his vacation to sign documents stating that he didn't write the aforementioned letters. As I met with Fr. John that Sunday afternoon, I was running late and we skipped lunch. He told me that he was having problems and he asked me to pray for him. I told him that I would and then went on my oblivious and preoccupied way. He completed suicide that night and I was most likely that last person to speak with him.
There are many reasons people think about suicide. Here are just a few.
A teen who identifies as homosexual and has homophobic parents; or he discovers that his religious faith forbids and condemns it or him; he may witness or is the recipient of bullying and persecution at school. Ironically, our mainstream society is indeed very tolerant and unflinching about the topic. It is the intolerant religious groups, media, politicians, parents worried about their child's future happiness and people who protest too much who are the real problems.
There have also been parents who lost their job and they see no hope of obtaining employment in the future and they think that the only way to provide for their children is to kill themselves for the insurance money. Some people think they are a burden and their family would be better off without them.
Someone who was hurt and betrayed by someone they love and thinks that completing suicide will "show them" or get even. Teens think this way quite often. Sometimes a call for help can go unheard one too many times.
There are many people who are intolerably lonely and may feel friendless, lost or ostracized. Each long day is a struggle to get through. Sleep is their only relief from the pain of loneliness.
Another caller may be someone who was arrested. It isn't the remorse for the crime which can make them think about suicide. Restorative justice can easily resolve any wrongs they've committed and they know this and would gladly put things right given the opportunity. It is the shame of getting arrested. Then, maybe losing their job because of it, losing friends, the feeling that they've shamed their family and are facing an uncertain future with expensive courts, lawyers, prison and legal proceedings. This is our punitive and unforgiving society at its best.
There are many people who suffer from biological, prescription or event created depression. I've had many people who witnessed something horrific such as military personnel, who then don't know how to deal with their experience.
Some people are in tremendous physical pain and see no relief or hope in their future. Many of these people are trapped in a downward spiral of addiction to prescription drugs where either the drugs have no effect anymore or weaning off of them is intolerable. Doctors are quick to try other drugs or mix and match a cocktail of them. This doesn't always resolve the dependency.
The one thing to remember is when someone calls, they are not looking for somebody to fix their problems or give them a solution or tell them what to do. They are looking for someone to be there and to listen. To help them get through the moment. To be a friend.
During my first few days of answering the phone, every time it rang I was terrified. The key though, was in remembering that the caller was looking to get through the moment. To live another day. And, I was there to only listen. To steer them into their pain of the now.
I had a caller who had a gun and was intent upon shooting himself. I asked him to put the gun down so that we could talk. He did. Later in the conversation I asked him to take the bullets out. He did. I then asked him to place the bullets in another room and put the gun away in a separate room, which he did. We then had a very long conversation. At the end of the call, I invited him to call back tomorrow to let me know how he was doing and he said he would think about it. He did call back the next day but got a different suicide specialist. He wanted to thank me for saving his life and told the other suicide specialist that after he hung up with me, he was going to follow through with killing himself. What saved him was his promise to call me back the next day. His word and promise was more important to him than all the problems he was going through. Making dinner, getting a full nights sleep and getting up the next morning was enough for him to be glad he was still alive. I didn't fix his problems, but I did get him through the moment and gave him something to look forward to.
I had a frequent caller who kept a bottle of vodka and prescription pills under her bed. That was how she was going to do it. Her problems were many and she didn't want to complete suicide, but she did want to die. Her life held no joy. I once convinced her to pour the Vodka down the drain. She continued to call to both check in and to make sure we were still here for her. She would call sometimes just to say hi. I would ask her if she was thinking about suicide today and she said yes, but wasn't going to do it. Then, on cue, she would tell me what she was going to do for the rest of the day to get through it and we'd hang up. One day she procured a new bottle of vodka and called us. She got a new person on the phone who panicked at the fact that she had the means and the intent so, he called 911. The police went to her home, broke down her door, put her in handcuffs, the neighbors all came out, the lights were flashing and they then transported her to a mental institution where she had to remain for three or four days of observation. We never heard from her again.
There are many right and wrong things to say to a caller. Trust me, some callers will let you know when you say the wrong thing. They can either blow up at you, insult you, or hang up the phone. The irony is that all the wrong things to say are very natural to us. They include things like,
"I'm sorry."
"Let me tell you what happened to me."
"I know exactly how you feel."
"The same thing happened to my sister."
"This is what I would do."
It is uncomfortable for many of us to not be able to help someone fix their problems. It is our nature and desire to fix people but in reality, it drives us further from the person seeking help. A caller calls because they want to talk. The more talking we do, the less they get to. The more we talk about ourselves, the less they get to talk about their problem.
Sometimes a caller is silent and that can be very uncomfortable for us because we feel like we have to say something to fill the void, when in reality, just being there is enough. One caller told me that she didn't want to talk. She just wanted to know that somebody was there. Some of my callers had their greatest breakthroughs in the silence. Silence was my greatest tool in my suicide toolbox.
Here are a few questions I would ask a caller to get the conversation started. The next time someone shares a problem with you, and it doesn't have to be about suicide, resist the natural urge to wallow in their complaints or fix them and their problems. The hard part is to just listen and steer them into their pain. When they can talk about what is bothering them, they can begin to heal. Try these and see where the conversation goes. Notice that these questions, comments and concerns get the other person to talk more and you, less. The key lies in truly listening and caring. Only then can you hear the subtle cues as to what to ask next for, one answer can open up a dozen more questions and comments from you. The questions may be:
What would you like to talk about today?
How have you been dealing with that?
You said that this problem has been bothering you, what is most difficult?
Tell me what happened when . . .
Say more about . . .
What is it that you want from . . .
It sounds like that is very difficult to deal with.
How did they make our feel?
Tell me more about how feeling ___ is like for you.
It is not always comfortable talking to someone about these things but take your time. I'm here to listen and support you (after a prolonged silence).
Have you told anyone how you're feeling?
What do you think you can do?
What may stand in your way of . . .
What support options do you have?
You sound like you are in a lot of pain (note, that's not a question).
Does anything trigger that?
Where do you direct your anger?
Have you been trying to stop?
How did you feel when . . .
What kind of coping techniques do you use?
What can you do right not to take your mind off of . . .
As you can see, those questions get the caller to talk about what is bothering them. But, that is just the tip of the iceberg. After establishing rapport, defining the problem, exploring their feelings, I would come right out and ask them if they were thinking about suicide today, if they haven't already told me. I would also come right out and ask them if they have a plan, a time, the means, or if they ever tried it in the past. At this point they are very comfortable admitting anything. Even that they are standing at a river's edge or there is a gun in their lap.
When I feel that they are safe for the moment, I would get them to make plans for after we end the call. These are called distracting activities. At this point I know quite a bit about the caller and can make suggestions if they are at a loss at coming up with their own. They may include:
Calling or visiting someone
Exercise, going for a walk or ride a bike.
Go shopping.
Watch TV.
Cook or eat something they enjoy.
Play with a pet.
Create something with art or music, a letter or a journal, meditate or take a shower.
Go outside and take pictures.
Clean the house.
Etcetera.
The fact that someone calls us in the first place and is willing to talk about suicide shows that they have ambivalence and that is a great way to start.
There are hundreds of suicide hotlines. Many are funded and staffed through schools and colleges. Unfortunately they may have limited hours, are open mostly during the day or not on the weekends. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (NSPL) is seven days a week, twenty four hours a day. Their toll free and anonymous number is 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
"Like" NSPL on FaceBook (FB is also a source of depression for many people, BTW). Blog about NSPL. Print out their cards and leave them around schools, the library, at work, in your church, on bulletin boards, on coffee tables, on store shelves, anywhere where people are. Keep the toll free number on your cell phone so when you encounter someone with a problem, ask them if they would like to speak with someone about it then pass them your phone. Check out the NSPL website to learn more:
https://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org
Suicide should not be a secret. Are you thinking about suicide today?
-Malcolm Kogut.
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
Forgiveness. Take Two.
I want to talk about forgiveness, again. Several years ago, my church
was robbed. The burglar broke three doors, smashed a window, stole
about $50 in petty cash, two rolls of stamps and a coffee pot. Kindly
leaving his fingerprints behind and having once been fingerprinted as a
child in case he was ever abducted, the police took no time at all in
tracking him down and arresting him. He was sentenced to five years in
prison for a first offense.
It turned out that he was unemployed with a wife and three children. He was only providing for his family in the only way he could at the time. The church forgave him and reached out to support him. Some of us even went to his sentencing to plead for leniency but that was for naught. Since he made a full confession, the DA and judge threw the book at him. There was no reason to offer a plea deal. Apparently the truth does not set you free.
His wife was not accepting of the church and blamed the church for what happened to her husband. Despite that, we wrote to him, visited him and even offered his wife financial and food assistance, which she refused. When he was released, since his wife didn't drive, we even went to pick him up but she refused to go with us.
It was exciting to see him with his three children attend church every Sunday. Eventually he became employed as our sexton yet his wife remained distant. He and I became good friends and enjoyed each others company. I even saved the life of his daughter one day at a church pot luck. I was walking by just as she started to choke on a piece of chicken. I simply reached down around her stomach, hoisted her up and the chicken shot out of her mouth like a bullet. The dad was eternally grateful and the mom never said a word. It wasn't a big deal. A dozen other people came running at the time of the event. I just happened to be there first.
The wife continues to blame the church for getting her husband arrested and consequently hurting her family. The fact that she blames us and can't forgive us, and can't forgive her husband nor herself, is something that is hurting only her.
There was a story on the TV show Inside Edition about a woman named Kathleen. She was date raped at the age of 16. She became pregnant and when she gave birth, she gave the baby up for adoption. She viewed the baby as a "rape growing inside of her" and she didn't view it as "giving birth," but "expelling the rape" from her body.
Fifty years later, the child she gave birth to, Elaine, managed to track her mother down. Kathleen refused to see her daughter and wants to keep it that way. Kathleen said the rape was traumatizing and when Elaine contacted her fifty years later, all the old wounds were ripped open. She didn't even tell her husband of 45 years that she was date raped and gave birth to a child. Kathleen refused to forgive the boy who raped her, or, forgive herself. The only person still in pain is Kathleen. She refuses to let go, forgive and heal.
Elaine says she feels sorry for the woman who gave birth to her. She said, “It's sad that there's such vileness and such hatred.” Kathleen emotionally said, “I have been shadowed by this sinister shadow my entire life. I have been chained to this rapist my entire life and it is not over.”
I know that will sound impossible to some people and others will think it absurd, but, one of the most beautiful expressions of love is being able to forgive someone. I can't tell you why and it will probably be the most difficult thing anyone will ever do, but, it is also the easiest. It is also difficult, yet easy to ask for forgiveness. Once done, you will be able to let go of wrongs that have been done and it will change everything. It changes your attitudes, relationships, emotional make up and your whole life. To forgive is to live and release burden. You don't lose a thing. It is not a sign of weakness to love someone who wronged you. It is a sign of strength.
It turned out that he was unemployed with a wife and three children. He was only providing for his family in the only way he could at the time. The church forgave him and reached out to support him. Some of us even went to his sentencing to plead for leniency but that was for naught. Since he made a full confession, the DA and judge threw the book at him. There was no reason to offer a plea deal. Apparently the truth does not set you free.
His wife was not accepting of the church and blamed the church for what happened to her husband. Despite that, we wrote to him, visited him and even offered his wife financial and food assistance, which she refused. When he was released, since his wife didn't drive, we even went to pick him up but she refused to go with us.
It was exciting to see him with his three children attend church every Sunday. Eventually he became employed as our sexton yet his wife remained distant. He and I became good friends and enjoyed each others company. I even saved the life of his daughter one day at a church pot luck. I was walking by just as she started to choke on a piece of chicken. I simply reached down around her stomach, hoisted her up and the chicken shot out of her mouth like a bullet. The dad was eternally grateful and the mom never said a word. It wasn't a big deal. A dozen other people came running at the time of the event. I just happened to be there first.
The wife continues to blame the church for getting her husband arrested and consequently hurting her family. The fact that she blames us and can't forgive us, and can't forgive her husband nor herself, is something that is hurting only her.
There was a story on the TV show Inside Edition about a woman named Kathleen. She was date raped at the age of 16. She became pregnant and when she gave birth, she gave the baby up for adoption. She viewed the baby as a "rape growing inside of her" and she didn't view it as "giving birth," but "expelling the rape" from her body.
Fifty years later, the child she gave birth to, Elaine, managed to track her mother down. Kathleen refused to see her daughter and wants to keep it that way. Kathleen said the rape was traumatizing and when Elaine contacted her fifty years later, all the old wounds were ripped open. She didn't even tell her husband of 45 years that she was date raped and gave birth to a child. Kathleen refused to forgive the boy who raped her, or, forgive herself. The only person still in pain is Kathleen. She refuses to let go, forgive and heal.
Elaine says she feels sorry for the woman who gave birth to her. She said, “It's sad that there's such vileness and such hatred.” Kathleen emotionally said, “I have been shadowed by this sinister shadow my entire life. I have been chained to this rapist my entire life and it is not over.”
I know that will sound impossible to some people and others will think it absurd, but, one of the most beautiful expressions of love is being able to forgive someone. I can't tell you why and it will probably be the most difficult thing anyone will ever do, but, it is also the easiest. It is also difficult, yet easy to ask for forgiveness. Once done, you will be able to let go of wrongs that have been done and it will change everything. It changes your attitudes, relationships, emotional make up and your whole life. To forgive is to live and release burden. You don't lose a thing. It is not a sign of weakness to love someone who wronged you. It is a sign of strength.
Friday, April 26, 2013
Thoughts On Choosing Music For a Liturgy
I am often asked how I go about selecting music for each Mass. The
answer is actually quite complicated on a whole but it is easy when
broken down into individual components which I employ or consider on a
regular basis.
I worked in a Roman Catholic Church for fifteen years and played for five Masses each weekend. While serving this parish, I really honed my knowledge and familiarity with the Lectionary. There are three years in a cycle. Year A, B and C. Each Sunday of each year has its own readings. For instance, a specific Sunday in year A will have three readings and a Psalm. Year B, the same calendar day will have different readings, and likewise for Year C. The collection of pre-selected readings come from a book called "The Lectionary." It is a collection of scripture organized and sorted for each Sunday of the year for three years. That means, every three years you will hear the same reading. There are however a few exceptions to the rule.
The priest at this church where I served for fifteen years took his homilies out of a book that some theologian wrote. No, his homilies were not his own, he did not write them, they were canned. But, they were good. I had my own personal copy of the Lectionary and during each Mass for the entire 15 years of service, I would scribble in the margins and stuff it with post-it notes about the music I used, what the congregation responded well to, what went well with the readings or the homily and what the homily was about, etcetera. Over the years Father would marvel about how flawlessly I could match the readings and even to his homily. He credited the Holy Spirit.
So in planning music, the first method I would consider is what I call "ACTS." - If I choose a hymn or song from each the the following categories, Adoration, Contrition, Thanksgiving and Supplication (ACTS), I can't miss. Many hymn books come with a thematic index. Even so, it isn't difficult to grasp the theme of a hymn by reading it carefully and prayerfully. Many hymns may also encompass multiple topics. When you choose hymns for the average liturgy in the order of ACST, you can't go wrong. That is one method.
I aslo take into consideration the season. If you schedule Christmas hymns during the Christmas season, most liturgist will be forgiving if it is casually chosen. The same applies to a Lenten song during Lent or an Advent song during Advent (which is not Christmas). Of course, the exception to this rule is planning music to accompany sacramental action. Just keep in mind that every seasonal song may actually have a place on specific Sundays of its season. "On Jordan's Bank" is an Advent hymn but works well on the Second or Third Sunday of Advent or even on the feast day of the Baptism of Jesus.
Thematic. Sometimes a pastor will preach on a theme and often for several consecutive weeks, so, I'll go along with them. Having regular meetings with the pastor to discuss the seasons, readings and community dynamics can be a great tool.
I also choose music based upon what the worshiping community may need to sing (we are what we sing). For instance, I once played for a church which was opposing a parole shelter or halfway house from moving in next door (who wants sinners coming to our church?) so in consultation with the pastor I scheduled "All are Welcome," “The Summons,” “Amazing Grace,” and "God has Chosen Me" for about four weeks straight. It is not enough to ask God for forgiveness if we can not forgive others. The giving of money, going to church or even serving on a committee to the church does not free people from the responsibility to forgive. The act of forgiveness is very hard, but, very easy. Despite our protestations, the shelter went in and the parolees became wonderful tenants. Not only did they attend our church, but they performed many community service projects on our building and a few of them became members, got married and started families in our congregation. We lost some of our more pious members but we can now sing "All are Welcome" and mean it, and know it, and live it. It was a true transubstantiation. Even the haters are welcome back if they are willing to forgive themselves for, adoration leaves no room for pride.
Of course, I would always first consult the Lectionary for the readings. Some liturgists use the Lectionary for what I call "Eureka Planning." That is when you read the scripture for a particular day and can match it to the text of a hymn. For instance, on the second Sunday of Easter, Years A, B AND C, the scripture reading is about Jesus appearing to Thomas and Thomas doubts that it is really Jesus so Jesus invites him to place his hand to the wound in his side. A perfect hymn or song to sing here would be "We Walk By Faith" which echoes that scene in the third verse. I may use an upbeat setting of that hymn for the opening to foreshadow what will be heard in the readings. I may use it for after the homily to augment what I know the pastor may break open in Word. The possibilities are endless. That can be the most frustrating part of planning. You can have fifteen songs which would be perfect for any one Mass but you only need four.
I have eclectic tastes and usually program music so that there is something for everybody at every liturgy crossing instrumentation and genre. During the hymns and songs, I am always cognizant of the congregation and their level of participation. If they really like a song or are moving along to it, I make note of it. If they aren't, I make note of it but then try to analyze why and then figure out how I can fix whatever may be wrong. Of course, some organists can't do this from their balcony aeries with their backs to the congregation and 54 ranks of pipes staring them in the face.
I also think that each liturgy should be a production and that each person should leave the service a different person than when they came in. That is easy to do if you can encourage them to sing one song or let out one "woot." At least on a cellular level they will have taken a deeper breath, oxygenated their blood, and they may even zap a few brain cells, leaving with a clearer mind or more energy. Singing has the power to physically change a person and for the better because it does aid in the oxygenation of the blood which does wake up the brain and that is why it is a crucial tool at the disposal of every pastoral musician. A congregation that sings, goes out into the world as better people - a transubstantiation.
If your church uses the Revised Common Lectionary, it is easy to choose music based on the scheduled readings. I would plan a tentative schedule for an entire year. If the pastor chooses the readings, I will schedule music as far as he plans but would then lean toward seasonal planning.
Just to recap, there are six criteria to consider:
A. What the congregation knows; Not the same as what you like.
B. How quickly they learn;
C. What are the needs of the assembly, congregation and outside community.
D. Seasonal songs
E. Topical and thematic songs and/or requests from the pastor
F. The Lectionary
Keep in mind that there are also dozens of websites, many are denominational or publisher based, where selections of suitable songs and hymns have already been mapped out for you. Just as a pastor can have canned homilies, your selections can be canned. Generally, if you use them, you can't go wrong. The difference is like giving someone cash for their birthday as opposed to giving them a handmade gift or something you picked out yourself. If you use a planning guide to choose your music, it will be good. If you do your homework, work with the pastor, the parish and the people, it will be better.
If worse comes to worse, there are hundreds of church musicians who post their music schedules online for their choir members and the world to see. Steal them.
When choosing music for a choir or soloist, it is pretty much the same as the aforementioned with a few added components of what is in the library, the budget and the skill level of the choir. If your choir worships music and loves to perform, well, there you have it. If the choir is in love with God, loves the people of the pew and, for them, music is not a ministry, but a tool to ministry, the sky is the limit. Adoration leaves no room for pride.
Preludes, postludes and offertories are also an expression of my faith. I try to play something spirited, dynamic and engaging. In one church I served, the pastor welcomed the people at the start of the service then he sat down and my prelude began. Every prelude had to be something interesting since they all sat there and listened intently. The postlude was the same, he invited them to sit and listen. When I was finished they were invited to go out into the world to love and serve the Lord and each other. One Sunday I played a still and quiet piece (which is rare for me) for the prelude. Because they were accustomed to toccatas, fugues and a broad range of dynamics in the prelude, a little old lady came up to me after the service with her walker and said, “What the heck was that? Don’t ever do that again.”
I worked in a Roman Catholic Church for fifteen years and played for five Masses each weekend. While serving this parish, I really honed my knowledge and familiarity with the Lectionary. There are three years in a cycle. Year A, B and C. Each Sunday of each year has its own readings. For instance, a specific Sunday in year A will have three readings and a Psalm. Year B, the same calendar day will have different readings, and likewise for Year C. The collection of pre-selected readings come from a book called "The Lectionary." It is a collection of scripture organized and sorted for each Sunday of the year for three years. That means, every three years you will hear the same reading. There are however a few exceptions to the rule.
The priest at this church where I served for fifteen years took his homilies out of a book that some theologian wrote. No, his homilies were not his own, he did not write them, they were canned. But, they were good. I had my own personal copy of the Lectionary and during each Mass for the entire 15 years of service, I would scribble in the margins and stuff it with post-it notes about the music I used, what the congregation responded well to, what went well with the readings or the homily and what the homily was about, etcetera. Over the years Father would marvel about how flawlessly I could match the readings and even to his homily. He credited the Holy Spirit.
So in planning music, the first method I would consider is what I call "ACTS." - If I choose a hymn or song from each the the following categories, Adoration, Contrition, Thanksgiving and Supplication (ACTS), I can't miss. Many hymn books come with a thematic index. Even so, it isn't difficult to grasp the theme of a hymn by reading it carefully and prayerfully. Many hymns may also encompass multiple topics. When you choose hymns for the average liturgy in the order of ACST, you can't go wrong. That is one method.
I aslo take into consideration the season. If you schedule Christmas hymns during the Christmas season, most liturgist will be forgiving if it is casually chosen. The same applies to a Lenten song during Lent or an Advent song during Advent (which is not Christmas). Of course, the exception to this rule is planning music to accompany sacramental action. Just keep in mind that every seasonal song may actually have a place on specific Sundays of its season. "On Jordan's Bank" is an Advent hymn but works well on the Second or Third Sunday of Advent or even on the feast day of the Baptism of Jesus.
Thematic. Sometimes a pastor will preach on a theme and often for several consecutive weeks, so, I'll go along with them. Having regular meetings with the pastor to discuss the seasons, readings and community dynamics can be a great tool.
I also choose music based upon what the worshiping community may need to sing (we are what we sing). For instance, I once played for a church which was opposing a parole shelter or halfway house from moving in next door (who wants sinners coming to our church?) so in consultation with the pastor I scheduled "All are Welcome," “The Summons,” “Amazing Grace,” and "God has Chosen Me" for about four weeks straight. It is not enough to ask God for forgiveness if we can not forgive others. The giving of money, going to church or even serving on a committee to the church does not free people from the responsibility to forgive. The act of forgiveness is very hard, but, very easy. Despite our protestations, the shelter went in and the parolees became wonderful tenants. Not only did they attend our church, but they performed many community service projects on our building and a few of them became members, got married and started families in our congregation. We lost some of our more pious members but we can now sing "All are Welcome" and mean it, and know it, and live it. It was a true transubstantiation. Even the haters are welcome back if they are willing to forgive themselves for, adoration leaves no room for pride.
Of course, I would always first consult the Lectionary for the readings. Some liturgists use the Lectionary for what I call "Eureka Planning." That is when you read the scripture for a particular day and can match it to the text of a hymn. For instance, on the second Sunday of Easter, Years A, B AND C, the scripture reading is about Jesus appearing to Thomas and Thomas doubts that it is really Jesus so Jesus invites him to place his hand to the wound in his side. A perfect hymn or song to sing here would be "We Walk By Faith" which echoes that scene in the third verse. I may use an upbeat setting of that hymn for the opening to foreshadow what will be heard in the readings. I may use it for after the homily to augment what I know the pastor may break open in Word. The possibilities are endless. That can be the most frustrating part of planning. You can have fifteen songs which would be perfect for any one Mass but you only need four.
I have eclectic tastes and usually program music so that there is something for everybody at every liturgy crossing instrumentation and genre. During the hymns and songs, I am always cognizant of the congregation and their level of participation. If they really like a song or are moving along to it, I make note of it. If they aren't, I make note of it but then try to analyze why and then figure out how I can fix whatever may be wrong. Of course, some organists can't do this from their balcony aeries with their backs to the congregation and 54 ranks of pipes staring them in the face.
I also think that each liturgy should be a production and that each person should leave the service a different person than when they came in. That is easy to do if you can encourage them to sing one song or let out one "woot." At least on a cellular level they will have taken a deeper breath, oxygenated their blood, and they may even zap a few brain cells, leaving with a clearer mind or more energy. Singing has the power to physically change a person and for the better because it does aid in the oxygenation of the blood which does wake up the brain and that is why it is a crucial tool at the disposal of every pastoral musician. A congregation that sings, goes out into the world as better people - a transubstantiation.
If your church uses the Revised Common Lectionary, it is easy to choose music based on the scheduled readings. I would plan a tentative schedule for an entire year. If the pastor chooses the readings, I will schedule music as far as he plans but would then lean toward seasonal planning.
Just to recap, there are six criteria to consider:
A. What the congregation knows; Not the same as what you like.
B. How quickly they learn;
C. What are the needs of the assembly, congregation and outside community.
D. Seasonal songs
E. Topical and thematic songs and/or requests from the pastor
F. The Lectionary
Keep in mind that there are also dozens of websites, many are denominational or publisher based, where selections of suitable songs and hymns have already been mapped out for you. Just as a pastor can have canned homilies, your selections can be canned. Generally, if you use them, you can't go wrong. The difference is like giving someone cash for their birthday as opposed to giving them a handmade gift or something you picked out yourself. If you use a planning guide to choose your music, it will be good. If you do your homework, work with the pastor, the parish and the people, it will be better.
If worse comes to worse, there are hundreds of church musicians who post their music schedules online for their choir members and the world to see. Steal them.
When choosing music for a choir or soloist, it is pretty much the same as the aforementioned with a few added components of what is in the library, the budget and the skill level of the choir. If your choir worships music and loves to perform, well, there you have it. If the choir is in love with God, loves the people of the pew and, for them, music is not a ministry, but a tool to ministry, the sky is the limit. Adoration leaves no room for pride.
Preludes, postludes and offertories are also an expression of my faith. I try to play something spirited, dynamic and engaging. In one church I served, the pastor welcomed the people at the start of the service then he sat down and my prelude began. Every prelude had to be something interesting since they all sat there and listened intently. The postlude was the same, he invited them to sit and listen. When I was finished they were invited to go out into the world to love and serve the Lord and each other. One Sunday I played a still and quiet piece (which is rare for me) for the prelude. Because they were accustomed to toccatas, fugues and a broad range of dynamics in the prelude, a little old lady came up to me after the service with her walker and said, “What the heck was that? Don’t ever do that again.”
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
Widor Toccata from Fifth Symphony in F
This was my Palm Sunday Postlude, 2013. Sorry for the congregational noise. That's what congregations do. Especially when there are cookies and coffee in the next room. I'll re-record this at a recital this spring and NOT from memory. If you know this piece, you'll realize that I got lost in the middle and just started playing random notes. I had no idea what key I was in but I found my way home.
-Malcolm Kogut
Monday, April 22, 2013
Snitching (From the Conspiracy Theory Department)
These "detectives" descended upon the deluge of social media photographs and videos uploaded by thousands of people who were present at the time of the incident. The police warned people to stop and not post their findings online for fear of vigilantism against innocent people.
The cyber crowd misidentified several people, one, a 17 year old who woke to find his picture plastered all over the internet as a suspect and threats were even posted on his Facebook page. Dozens of "friends" unfriended him. Other scrutinized suspects were the "Guy on the roof," "Brown Sweatshirt Guy, " "Running Away Guy," and "Blue Robe Guy." Fortunately they were not identified.
Three million people surfed to the site REDDIT, where a subreddit forum was created called FINDBOSTONBOMBERS then shortly afterward, accusations, speculation and cyber-stalking took place on the Facebook pages and websites of many innocent people.
This is directly opposite of what used to exist called the "No Snitch Culture." If people saw a crime, they wouldn't report it because they either feared retaliation or they didn't trust the "Po-Po," Many people outright hate the police and wouldn't do anything to help them because they probably know someone in their own family who was railroaded by the system. Check out the car chase video clip from the movie "Jack Reacher."
Jesse Jackson addressed this phenomenon while speaking at a Chicago college. He asked the students hypothetically that if they knew someone who had drugs and a gun in their car, would they call the police. There was a low rumble of "No" in response. Jackson asked again and their answer was stronger. He then asked them if they saw that someone had a rope and a Ku Klux Klan hood in their car, would they call the police. The crowd shouted "YES!" Jackson then said "We lost more lives from bullets and drugs than from rope. You're willing to turn in a Klan member that doesn't exist in your life, but not turn in the threat which takes thousands of lives each year."
Jackson makes an excellent point. People are passionate about issues which really are not relevant in their lives or the lives of others. We are inculcated into this "holier than thou" mentality from the dozens of TV shows about glorified bounty hunters and catching criminals. WRGB news in my town has a weekly segment called "The Perp Patrol" where they glorify snitching on people and catching criminals in the context of reporting the news. It gives people the feeling of power over others, and, it boosts ratings.
There was a story about a woman who canvased the sex offender registry looking for employer information. When she found an ex offender who had a job, she would call the employer and inform them that their employee was a "child molester". She found this one man working as a dish washer in a diner located in the state of Ohio. She went to the diner's Facebook page and posted "If you do not terminate this man immediately, I will never visit your establishment again. You are putting our children at risk." The diner posted that they didn't know he was a sex offender and would take care of it immediately. This made news because the woman who issued the complaint lived in Oregon and has never been to Ohio in her life. She was arrested and charged with some sort of hate crime, harassment charge. The diner lost a lot of customers and was eventually sued by the former sex offender and the diner is now out of business. Hate begets hate and nobody wins when we allow vigilantism.
It is not just regular people who are snitching on each other, our technology is snitching on us, too. Ever since George Bush signed into law the Patriot Act. When you take a picture with your digital camera, it is digitally inscribing within the code of the picture your GPS coordinates and the model number of the camera, which I'm sure you registered with the camera company when you purchased it. If the FBI is interested in you, they too can get a copy when you snap a picture. When you print a page on your printer, not only does your printer print an invisible code denoting your printer model number on each page, which I'm sure you registered when you purchased it, but if the FBI so desires a copy and your printer is wireless or connected to the internet, they too can receive a copy. You know your computer, cell phone and tablet IP addresses can't truly be obfuscated. Their true IP address is always traceable. All of your surfing, texting and phone calls are out there, preserved forever. Even if you turn off your cell phone's GPS feature, the cell company still knows where you are and are tracking you via the cell towers. Just ask Malte Spitz who sued his cell phone carrier to turn over all the information they had on him which was over 35,000 pieces of tracking information. Some cell phone companies regularly listen in on cell phone calls all under the protection of the Patriot Act in an effort to protect you. If you have a relative in the military, you can bet that one of your phone calls have been listened in on at some point. The FBI and IRS also have cell phone tracking technology called "Stingray" which the government claims it doesn't need a warrant for. Is all this tracking acceptable?
Every new car has built in GPS tracking units and your every turn is being recorded. Even if you don't have a newer model, you'd be surprised where RFID chips are placed. They are now even in your tires and these chips can be read by millions of scanners placed across the country on our roads and highways.
Time Warner Cable not only has your complete phone and internet surfing records, but they even know what channels you watch on TV and when. Facebook knows your every friend, like and every page you've ever looked at. They have managed to sinuously network themselves in practically every webpage in the world - to better your surfing experience. If you use blocking software such as "Ghostery," you can see some of the sites who are attempting to track you, for your benefit. There is a computer program called "Collusion" which will show you every website that is currently tracking you. After a day of surfing the net, there will be hundreds listed.
When the Boston Bomber, Dzhokhar, was finally revealed, amateur cyber detectives scurried around the internet to procure and save every tweet, photograph, email and posting they could find from him before his accounts were closed down and his friends could unfriend him. Within minutes, websites popped up with copies of his school records, medical data, jpegs of his complete Russian "Facebook" data and a list of all his "friends" names. You can bet that everyone who was his friend is under surveillance right now. We even know what time he goes to bed and gets up. Just google "What do we know about Dzhokhar Tsarnaev" and his whole life will be there laid out before your eyes and the data was predominately procured by normal average people who save this information before it can be deleted.
Big Brother is here and we invited him in right through the front door. We accept this because it both improves our lives and protects us. But from whom? Take a note from history and go to this website and start reading from around the date of1933, June 22. http://www.humanitas-international.org/holocaust/1930-34t.htm
The "No Snitch Culture" is scary because it lets people with intent to harm to continue their terror. The Patriot Act is also scary because it opens up the path for the government to erode future rights. The emerging vigilante culture is even more scary. Just ask anyone who was accused of and burned at the stake for witchcraft.
-Malcolm Kogut
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)