On The Sixth day of Christmas . . .

. . . we meet Harold Rippy: Baby, What Kind of Christmas Tree You Want?

In my search for a smattering of well-known Christmas wackiness, I have unearthed a few obscure tunes.  The next time someone brags to you that their song is available on iTunes, tell them about Harold Rippy.  Ol' Harold has FIFTEEN albums online, and every one of them sounds pretty much like this toe-tapper from his smash album, "Christmas Specials." 

http://youtu.be/X69vR5_NTuE

***BONUS TRACK***

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oIEiIO-NreQ

From The Messiah; Honest, this has never happened to me before.  Every organist knows that this was a technical error due to forgetting the transpose button was on.  Here is another Christmas mishap thus answering the age old question:  Boxers or Briefs?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sAPKepDA50k

-Malcolm.
Unu bieron, mi petas

Have you ever wondered about the origins our our 12 Day song?  In the words of Stephen Fry, "Nobody knows."  It is most likely an offshoot of a song called "A New Dial."  I've heard in many homilies stating that it was written as a secret code written when one group of Jesus' followers had to hide their beliefs in order to avoid being tortured and killed by another group of Jesus' followers.  Of all the riches of Christianity to celebrate at the time of Jesus' birth, give or take six months, that doesn't sound like an outstandingly good one to spotlight.
A partridge in a pear tree - Jesus
Two turtle doves - The Old and New Testaments
Three French hens - The three kings bearing gifts
Four calling [sic] birds - The four Gospels
Five gold rings - Torah or Pentateuch, the first five books of the Old Testament
Six geese a-laying - The six days of Creation
Seven swans a-swimming - Seven gifts of the Holy Spirit
Eight maids a-milking - The eight Beatitudes
Nine ladies dancing - Nine fruits of the Holy Spirit
Ten lords a-leaping - The Ten Commandments
Eleven pipers piping - The eleven faithful Apostles
Twelve drummers drumming - The twelve points of the Apostles' Creed

Do you want to see 100 priests fighting over a building ravaged by rust and moth?  Too funny.  I bet my priest can take your priest.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=daO5MjwIW_E

On the Fifth day of Christmas . . .

Today's artist is Bob Gerard performing Liddle Snow Man (have a kerchief ready, this is really sad).  Try to listen to this gem with quality head phones or on a system with a decent sub woofer.

http://youtu.be/6GMSOGdD4tQ

Five amazing things about really awful records:
1. the writers thought they'd really come up with something great;
2. the people who played and sang on them were happy with their performances;
3.they listened to the studio playback and approved what they heard;
4. they agreed the recordings were of quality to press and distribute; and,
5. they honestly believed their records had hit potential.

Bob Gerard's "Snow Man" Leaves me pondering these five and about thirty other head-scratchers, not the least of which is "who gave that guy a bass?"

We struck gold on this fifth day.  There is a bonus track, obviously a home recording, of a tempo - and pitch - challenged "ain't my kid cute" masterpiece.  O Little Town of Beth-lee-ham.

http://youtu.be/ZPzGLrvOazM

BTW, the "five gold rings" refers not to five pieces of jewelry, but to five ring-necked birds such as pheasants.  Stay with the bird motif, folks.

There are seven days of this madness left.

-Malcolm.
Mabaj nar armauk

On The Fourth day of Christmas . . .

http://youtu.be/hnrUlG1zRRk

No kids, that is not a theremin, nor is it from the soundtrack of "The Day The Earth Stood Still."  The hand we've been dealt today involves the unfortunate head on collision of "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" with the musical saw.  Just when you thought it was over - verse two.  Oh, then verse three, false alarm.  Best to clear the dogs out of the room before you hit play.

BTW, in the original song of the twelve days, the fourth day's gift is actually four "Colly Birds" not "calling birds."  The word "colly" means "black as coal."  Four black birds is today's gift.

-Malcolm Kogut.
Aa' lasser en lle coia orn n' omenta gurtha

On The Third day of Christmas . . .

. . .  my true love gave to me.

Dear true loves,

I hope you are being nice to these artists and not judging them.  So with that in mind, for today I chose a song by someone with a great deal of skill and talent.  Every time I hear this poignant and porcine version of "Blue Christmas" it brings tears to my eyes.   I'm sure it will have the same effect on you.  The woman in the background is certainly enjoying herself.

http://youtu.be/a5UHeF3ND5w

Bonus Track:  http://youtu.be/NGwFOho1oVg

You all know who Squeaky is.  She lives about one hour from me in the town of Marcy.  She was  in the news quite often as her neighbors were trying to run her out of town.  So, today's twofer comes from the Reverend Armstrong. 

I LOVE the "I've got [Christmas] on my fingers." reference.  Does anyone get it?  I wonder if Glen knew it's true meaning.

-Malcolm.
Oel ngati kameie

On The Second day of Christmas . . .

Can you ever get enough of "Sleigh Ride?"   Here is another rendition.  I believe this woman has performed in every church talent show I've ever played.  In this musical offering she gives her all.  Good for her.

http://youtu.be/5xI1uPeAi_Q

How about those rabid, foaming at the mouth people in the mall protesting to "Keep Christ in Christmas" or, to take Him out?  The war on Christmas.  Even when people write "Xmas," they are keeping Christ in Christmas because the first letter in the Greek word for 'Christ' is 'chi,' and the Greek letter 'chi' is represented by a symbol similar to the letter 'X' in the modern Roman alphabet. Hence "Xmas" is indeed perfectly legitimate abbreviation for the word "Christmas."  And those "Happy Holiday" people, the word comes from Old English hāligdæg, from hālig holy + dæg day.  "Holiday" means "Holy Day" so they are still wishing you a holy day.  These are just very old artifacts of different languages and if anyone wants to get religion out of their language, good luck with that.

These attempts at non-denominational holiday tidings come as younger Americans seem to be shrugging their shoulders at going to church, at organized religion and hypocritical philosophies.   But, you know, like, I mean, I resonate with them for I am sick and tired of every week when Thursday comes around; There are people who want to take Thor out of Thursday because it might offend someone.  Well, how about all of the pagans?  What out offending them because you are taking Thor out of Thursday?  Thursday is "Thor's" - day!  If you aren't recognizing Thor then who are you recognizing?  Thursday is recognizing the Son of Odin!  Thursday is one of the few days left that we can recognize Thor!  Leave that day alone and tell everyone "Blithe Thor's day," not "Happy Thursday."

If you find yourself surfing the net and are in the market for a new car, check out this commercial:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hLIkjWFNAKI

-Malcolm.
nuqDaq 'oH puchpa''e'

On The First Day Of Christmas . . .

Merry Christmas friends, loved ones, total strangers, and those affectionately known as "other."  My twelve day gift to you is a song.  Twelve of them.  They come from all over the internet.  Two years ago I gifted copies of a CD featuring 48 renditions of "The Star Spangled Banner."  How could I top that, you're thinking?  (looks left, looks right, whispers) buckle your seat belts . . .

As with so much of what's found online, the origins of today's "Sleigh Ride" offering are shrouded in mystery.  To be honest, this trumpet player is too bad to be this bad.  Someone this bad wouldn't have his degree of confidence.  I like him.  Very much like the famed "Jonathan and Darlene," I think we've been had.

http://youtu.be/_ZH6VzrHORA

Because today is the first day of Christmas, I am going to proffer upon you a twofer.  Jimmied into this sprawling collection is this tribute to every Karaoke bar singer, "Feliz Navidad." 

http://youtu.be/laEQAW3_Sjs

If you have time, check out Henrietta and Merna:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gg7uGL6Ku20

Dry or Beware

About ten years ago I went into a liquor store to get a bottle of something for a party.  There was a wine on sale with a ten dollar rebate on it so I picked that one out.   After paying, I noted that I wasn't handed a receipt.  The cashier threw it behind the counter, so I asked for one.  The cashier acted dumb and fished it out for me.  When I got home, the rebate required both my original receipt and the UPC sticker on the bottle.  It was then that I noticed that the label was taped on.  I sent everything in anyway.  I got a letter back saying that the bar code did not correspond with the bottle I purchased and thus it was not elibible for a rebate. 

Piecing everything together, I surmised that the liquor store was swapping UPC codes on the bottles, not giving receipts to the customers and cashing them in for themselves.  I called the police to report this but they said that this was small potatoes and not worth their time pursuing. 

Just today, my friend Kathy went into a different liquor store to purchase a bottle of wine and like me, she chose a bottle which offered a rebate.  She too wasn't offered a receipt and had to ask for it.  The cashier yelled something in another language to a co-worker and he replied in that language, then the cashier printed out the receipt and gave it to Kathy.  When Kathy got home, she read the instructions for the rebate and it said that the receipt had to be original and not a duplicate.  Kathy looked at her receipt and at the top it said "Duplicate Copy."  She is gong to try to send it in anyway.   Most likely she is out of luck and the liquor store is going to use the receipt to get the rebate. 

I wonder how many liquor stores have been ripping off customers of their rebates and if anyone will ever do anything about it.