Stage Fright

I recently auditioned several singers for a cantor position at my church and most of the singers either admitted to being nervous or displayed attributes of nervousness.   There was absolutely no reason to be nervous because the people in the pews were not passing judgment on them.  Those people were there to worship God or accept any mental, emotional or physical healing they could gleam from the liturgy.  Fr. Bill was going to make the ultimate decision but I suspect he was basing most of his criteria on the phone interview. 

Musically, there were many things I was listening for such as tone, diction, pitch and rhythm but, there were other factors which stood out for me more so.  I took note during the rehearsal if they were marking or doing an all out performance.  If they performed, was the actual singing of the music during the Mass a carbon copy or newly alive in the moment?  Was there a synaesthesis between us?  More on that later.

One singer who impressed me greatly was a woman who looked out at the people quite often and had a genuine smile on her face.  Not the fake kind that voice teachers teach.  Just as you can hear a real smile over the phone, you can hear a forced smile or masked smile on a singer, too.  This is why some mediocre folk singers can touch us more than a trained singer can.  The music comes from someplace deeper.

This woman, as she sang the line "Here, a million wounded souls, are yearning just to touch you and be healed." she fixed her gaze up and out over the heads of the people.  That caught my attention.  Then on the line "See the face of Christ revealed on every person standing by your side." she made a sincere perusal of the congregation.  It wasn't something choreographed.  I could see her look at individual people, too.  To quote Yoda, "The force is strong with this one."  So, what is this "force?"

When I accompany a musician on the piano, I can feel them in my hands.   Mozart once said that the hands and fingers must never play together.  Chords must never be struck in perfect timing.  The notes should be misaligned in time, that they are desynchronous.  One of my teachers taught me that a melodic line must not be played in perfect metronomic slavishness.  That you steal micro-beats from one note but make it up in another.  This is called entasis meaning "tensioning."  Any speech or song which is metronomically perfect can lull our audience members' brains to shutdown.  This can happen immediately from the first few notes or words.  Our ears and brain crave micro irregularity of timing to remain alert and attentive.

I *try* to do this in my playing and, when I encounter another musician doing this, we gel together, like puzzle pieces fitting into one another.  Entasis is what I connect to synaesthesis.  It is a paradox when the voices or instruments are truly independent and seem complex but to the listener and performer it is simple to feel, listen to and follow.  My friend Byron and I have this when we perform together.  I don't know if it is him or me but, I can feel his performing and phrasing in my hands as I accompany him and without even looking at him, I know when he is going to breath.  I don't get that often with many singers.  They seem to sing without regard to me and I just follow them.  It is quite dull for me as an accompanist.

What does this have to do with stage fright?  It is actually what musicians need to strive for in order to overcome fear.  Some teachers will say that you have to know your music so well or memorized that you won't be nervous or, your preparation will overcome the nervousness.  Some say that practice makes perfect but we all know that in reality PERFECT practice makes perfect.  If you practice mistakes, no matter how much you practice you will always make those mistakes.  Even with perfect practice, being nervous can undo much of our preparation.  Natural entasis and synaesthesis comes from a place deep within which can not be touched by the "Id" or nerves.

So, what are nerves?  They are of our own creation.  In the movie "Forbidden Planet," The Krell were a race so advanced, that they created a machine which made their mere thoughts into reality.   It was the ultimate achievement in creation until one of them thought the entire race out of existence, and so it was.  Stage fright is the same thing, if we give it power, it will take total control over us.  As the saying goes, give an inch - takes a foot.

So how do we control it?  Of course, preparation, perfect practice, being physically warm, diet and rest; these things can ameliorate nerves.  Then there is avoiding the pitfalls of the Krell; not to give power to nervousness in the first place.  If one were to sing Amazing Grace at the bed side of a dying parent, would they be nervous about their performance?  Most likely not.  For, their offering comes from the heart, from pain, from love, from com+passion (with+suffering), and sacrifice.   It will naturally be filled with entasis because their guard will be down.  It is within those thin spaces that entasis and synaesthesis exist.  You can't force it or train for it.  It has to be there and it comes from embracing the you you hide.

When that cantor looked out at the congregation while singing those two lines, was it choreographed?  Did she make a mental or written notation to "look out here?"  My synaesthesis told me no.   Of course, any musician or stage performer who tries to force this entasis and synaesthesis between performer and audience runs the risk of self grandeur and that is not the same thing.

A performer needs to first realize that they perform what the page reveals and they reveal what their spirit possesses and what they are desirous to share.  They are the conduit between page, instrument and spirit.  Spirit and sharing are both a gift and only require that we accept them and give them freely.  Anything else will result in stage fright or metronomic performances.

When we seek self grandeur, applause, perfection or don't know why we do what we are doing, we run the risk of the Krellian fate or the self fulfilling prophecy of nervousness for, the performance is then not about them, it becomes about us and that scares us.  Ask any battlefield hero or fireman who runs into a burning building to save someone if they were nervous and they will probably say no.  They did what they had to do to save a life.  If what we do on stage is to share, to teach, to inspire, to heal, to save or to comfort, we won't fail either.  Every singer should first feel their text for if they don't know what they are singing about or feel the place where the text comes from, the audience will know it.  Then, entasis won't exist.  Synaesthesis won't exist.  The audience will get bored.  The singer will sense this and nerves will creep in.  It's then too late. 

CPE Bach, in his Essay on the "True Art of Playing Keyboard Instruments," suggested that one should "endeavor to avoid everything mechanical and slavish. Play from the soul, not like a trained bird."

Breathing for Life: From the Diaphragm

No preamble.  Let's just jump into it.

Get on the floor or on your bed.  Lie on your back with your knees bent. 
Take a couple of deep breaths.
Notice that you are breathing from your stomach area.
Make several high pitched fire engine siren imitations, each time going higher and louder.
Notice that you are breathing and pushing from the stomach area.
Notice that your shoulders are not going up.
Notice that your chest may not be going up.
If your chest did go up, good.  Keep it there.
Keep it there as if you were in the Army and your drill sergeant barked at you (from his diaphragm) "STICK OUT YOUR CHEST!  SUCK IN THAT GUT."
Now cough.
Notice it came from the stomach area, or diaphragm.
Yell "NO.  BAD." as if your dog is about to void on your new white carpet.
Notice it came from your diaphragm.
Yell "FIRE."
Yell (quietly-in case someone hears you) "help."
Whisper "Awwwww . . ." while thinking about a new born baby.
Where did you feel it?
Notice that in order to project both loudly and quietly, it came from your diaphragm.

These are all great exercises to awaken you on how to breath properly.  Now for the hard part.  Stand up and try it.  You may succeed a few times but as the day goes on, you will most likely lapse into shallow upper chest breathing again.  That's okay.  Perfect practice makes perfect.  Get back on the floor and keep in mind your drill sergeant's instruction: Stick out the chest (to make room for air) and suck in the gut (to push the air out).  What goes in must also come out, so, in order to breath again, your diaphragm or stomach must expand.   Breathing while on your back is how the machine of your body is designed to operate.  Maintaining that mechanism while standing takes a little bit of work.  The stomach expands to let air into the lungs so the stomach must pull in to push the air out.

The summer Olympic Games in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil are not until 2016 but this summer, if there are swimming competitions on TV, watch them.  Professional athletes are not only trained to breath from the diaphragm but by nature and physical demand, they do so naturally.  Watch the swimmers when they get out of the pool.  Look at their stomachs.  Most will be breathing from there.  Sure, a few shoulders may rise and a few chests may collapse but keep an eye on the stomach.  That is where all the work is being done.

Professional singers are not always good to watch because many do not breath properly.  Isn't it ironic.  Some of them think they know what they are doing but don't, while others are more concerned with how they look and won't expand their stomachs.  Another hindrance is that their clothing may hide the true action of the diaphragm.  That is why shirtless athletes are easy to learn from.

Many teachers who teach singing from the diaphragm fail because they either don't truly know what they are doing or are too afraid to look at or touch their students out of fear of a sexual harassment charge.  You will often see singers touching their own stomachs to assert or verify they are breathing properly but that isn't necessary for, if you are breathing properly, you feel it in your voice, head and whole being. 

When you blow up a balloon, it doesn't fill up just on one side but, the entire balloon fills up.  Your whole upper body must do the same.  Someone looking at you from behind should be able to see your whole upper body expand from the back, sides and front.  When you take a breath, imagine your whole body is a balloon and you are filling it.  Your ribs are designed to expand, let them.

Breathing should be effortless.  To take a breath, we need only to relax the diaphragm and the air should fall into our lungs effortlessly.  To exhale, or yell help or fire or bad or hey, that takes pushing or pulling in.  If we find taking the breath requires effort, that is because we are trying to breath in and push out at the same time.  You can't inhale and exhale at the same time.  If a singer runs out of breath on simple phrases, chances are they are trying to take in more air before they used up or pushed out what is already inside them.  You can't fill what is already full.  You need to empty first, completley.  Get back on the bed for more practice.

Mark Wahlberg does a great job demonstrating proper breathing in the movie "Rock Star" where he spends most of his on stage scenes shirtless and you can see him breath properly.   Even though many pop stars and rappers run around the stage shirtless, I advise not watching them for, many of them are breathing from their chest and shoulders.  Anyone who runs out of breath, cracks or wavers is doing it wrong.  Don't try to learn from them.  Well, learn what not to do.

Breathing properly is good for oxygenating the blood.  Oxygenated blood gives you energy, promotes healing, helps with clearer thinking and is beneficial for overall health.  You can't heal or lose weight or think clearly if you are not breathing properly.  If you ever develop breathing issues from smoking or some disorder such as COPD, you'll be glad that you took the time to learn how to breath fully.

So everybody, for your homework, go to bed.

Culinary Institute of America, Second Annual Beef Buffet

CIA Beef Buffet The Band

CIA Beef Buffet, Formerly Lamb

CIA Beef Buffet, the Guests

CIA Beef Buffet, the Guests

CIA Beef Buffet, The Guests

CIA Beef Buffet, Our Chef

CIA Beef Buffet, Leftover Steak

St. Fabian and St. Sebastian: Saint of the Day

Several years ago I used to attend a daily Mass said by a priest who had an affinity to the Saints.  He always made their stories and accomplishments so meaningful so I thought I'd share some of my notes here.  I kept copious notes in case I was ever called upon creating a liturgical celebration based on the person of interest.  Today, of course, we have the internet.

January 20th is the optional memorial day of St. Fabian and St. Sebastian.  Both were martyrs and persecuted for simply being Christian.  Fabian holds the honor of being elected Pope but was not even a priest at the time of his election.  Sebastian was a soldier who comforted the people he was about to kill.  When the emperor found out that Sebastian was a Christian, he was ordered to be killed by a bowmen firing squad.  There are many famous paintings of Sebastian with a dozen or so arrows sticking out of him.    That isn't all he is famous for.  He survived his execution and after being nursed to health, he confronted the emperor yet again and of course, was executed again.  Sebastian is the patron saint of athletes.

It must have taken tremendous courage to be a Christian in a time when they were hated.  Even today we're no stranger to hate.  The Nazi's hated the Jews, Lebanon hates Israel, the Puritans who escaped Europe from religious persecution came to North America only to persecute people who were not pure like them, European settlers hated the Native Americans because the Native Americans resented being forced off their land so they had the nerve to fight back.  Other classes and groups of people we loved to hate in recent history:  blacks, gays, women, Irish, Mexicans, English, French, Muslim, Japanese, rich people and even poor people.

In my town a business was going to build two halfway houses for people newly released from prison with arrest records.  Everyone thought it was a noble idea and the purchase of the property was approved in a non-residential area.  Then someone found out that the people living there could include the dreaded sex offender.  As word spread like wildfire the next town hall meeting was filled to capacity by people protesting this halfway house rumored to be full of registered sex offenders.  All permissions were rescinded.  What is amazing is that when people thought these buildings would house drug dealers, gang members, burglars, robbers, wife beaters, drunk drivers, drug users, murderers and animal abusers, nobody had a problem with it because everyone deserves a second chance.  But, if a 19 year old high school senior who had sex with his 16 year old high school sweetheart might move in - he is a child molester and rapist and nobody saw anything wrong with ostracizing him and everyone else along with him.  Even though the halfway house was for anyone arrested, not just the good criminals like murderers, armed robbers and drug dealers.

When Charlie Hebdo was attacked by terrorists, the West united with rallies and protests reciting the phrase "Je suis Charlie."  The West saw this as a statement in support for freedom of speech while the Islamic religion saw the rallies as an affront to the Prophet Muhammad.  Neither party is wrong because of their cultural differences but it shouldn't be that difficult for either party to say they're sorry; maybe it is.

It is good to remember Fabian and Sebastian and their persecution.  Both fought and peacefully stood up for what they believed.  Did they have to die for it?   Must history repeat itself?

THE HUMANITY

Last Sunday, the phone calls and emails started coming in saying "We're canceling Tuesday." Even some of my Wednesday appointments have been canceled.  You see, a once every hundred years, storm of the century, snowmagedden was coming and people were canceling appointments, meetings and life in general to prepare to be socked in and and thusly pounded by Mother Nature. 

Well, let me tell you, the storm was so bad, that the plows haven't even been down my street yet.  I live at the end of a dead end street so we are always the last to be plowed so, here is a picture of my street Tuesday morning at the height of the blizzard. 

The weather forecasters are so embarrassed (none have yet to admit or apologize for their error), that they are showing footage from cities over 300 miles away in an effort to justify their "sky is falling" mentality.  It's all about the ratings, isn't it.

Cantors Verses Soloist

For a series of cantor workshops, I complied a video of cantors singing the responsorial psalm.  These clips were culled from the Sunday morning Roman Catholic televised Mass in my diocese.

As you listen and watch, don't judge the singer.  Don't judge their training or quality of voice.  Instead, listen for inflection.  Do you beleive what they are proclaiming?  Do you think they beleive what they are proclaiming?  Are they proclaiming?  Are they preoccupied with performing?  Do they appear warm and welcoming?  Do they seem nervous?  Are their gestures on the beat?  Do they have any unnecessary movements?  Do they make eye contact with everyone?  Do they stare at their music?  Does it seem like they are proclaiming the Word of God or singing a song?  Do they look happy to be there?  Are they dynamic?  Do they smile?

I had a conversation with a singer regarding the subtle difference between a cantor and soloist.  Here are some of the thoughts I shared with her.

A cantor proclaims.
A soloist sings.
A cantor looks at the congregation during the introduction.
A soloist looks at the music, floor, pianist.
A cantor has part of the music memorized (like the refrain) and looks at the people while singing it.
A soloist stares at the music.
A cantor gestures and cues the assembly.
A soloist just stands there.
A cantor (during the Psalm) doesn't sing the refrain but looks at the people as they respond to her.
A soloist sings her own response.
A cantor prayed the text during the week that she is going to proclaim on Sunday.
A soloist learned the song she is going to sing.
A cantor has people come up to them after the service to tell them how the text spoke to them.
A soloist has people come up to them after the service to tell them how beautiful they sang.

I demand that all my cantors memorize part of the Psalm so that they can look out at the people.  If a cantor sings from Psalm 27, "The Lord is my light and my salvation, of whom shall I be afraid." and looks out at someone who is scheduled for surgery tomorrow, it can have a huge impact on that person.

If a cantor sings from Psalm 42, "Why should I mourn and toil within when it is mine to hope in God?" and looks out at a teen thinking about suicide, it can make a difference in their life.

If a cantor sings from Psalm 63, "As morning breaks, I look to you to be my strength this day." and looks at someone starting a new job tomorrow, it could make a difference for that person.

If a cantor sings from Isaiah 43, "I have called you each by name.  I love you and you are mine." and looks at someone who is lonely, it might make a difference in their life.

A cantor, if they do all those things, will grow by leaps and bounds.
A soloist, may grow through years of repetition.

Christian Unity Octave

Happy Unity Octave, January 18 - 25th. 

"Octave" is a Latin word meaning eight.  According to the first creation story, God created the world in seven days.  The resurrection of Jesus was called the "eight day" by early Christians because now life was to be lived in a whole new dimension of freedom. 

Many churches have forgotten that we are all one body and all are welcome.  We are quick to judge, deny, exclude and ostracize others under the banner of our own brand of Christianity.  Some churches love to hate.

I played at the funeral of a Protestant minister's mother.  In attendance were several clergy including a Roman Catholic priest.  He both received and distributed Communion.  Afterward he asked me not to tell anyone.  I thought it was a beautiful ecumenical example of brotherhood, Christianity, communion, passion and breaking of the bread.

So during this octave, we are to pray that all may come together, not judge, put aside our differences and celebrate our commonalities.  The Church Unity Octave ends on January 25, the feast of the Conversion of St. Paul.  If Paul, Saul of Tarsus, the crazed terrorist and murderer of Christians is welcome . . .