The Nativity Story in Candy

This is a wonderful children's homily but can be expensive, especially if you purchase jumbo sizes for visibility purposes.

As you reference each candy item, hold it up. As you write you own personal script for this, look for ways to repeat many of the candies so that anarchy ensues as you rifle through the once ordered pile to find what is next. Well, **I** think that chaos is fun.

Obviously your presentation requires the right inflection and pauses for the ultimate in campiness. Not only is this a wonderful children's homily but, the kids get to eat the homily after the service. So, in incomplete sentences, you can wax out the full story for yourself . . .

Angel appears to Mary, you are going to have a BABY Ruth.

He will be a LIFE SAVER

Joseph was a GOODbar about it.

They had to leave town because as an unwed pregnant mother, people in town would SNICKERS

The got on a donkey to SKITTLE out of town

They hit the TRAIL MIX

Exhausted from the trip, they decided to TAKE FIVE

When they arrived, they went from BAR to BAR to BAR (three Hershey's), there was no room anywhere.

Finally, at one inn, in a barn, they found room where Mary gave birth to her SUGAR BABY, our LIFE SAVER.

In the barn there were sheep, cows and maybe even a KIT KAT or a DOVE

Shepherds also TOOK FIVE and hit the TRAIL MIX

Mary and Joseph smothered Jesus with KISSES

(here, you can say "It get's worse.")

Herod was up to his old TWIX and sent three SMARTIES to find a babe in a stable.

They too hit the TRAIL MIX

These wise men astrologers were not DUM DUMs nor were they NERDS

They looked up into the MILKY WAY, assessing all the DOTS in the sky to find a specific STARBURST

Everyone thought they were MIXED NUTS to go on such a perilous journey to find a treasure (drops fistful of gold foil wrapped chocolate coins) in a stable.

When they found him, the gave him gifts of Gold (drops chocolate coins again), Frankincense and WHATCHAMACALLIT

They returned from their SNOW CAP'd journey to Herod and not wishing to reveal the location of Jesus, told him a WHOPPER.

Jesus, our LIFE SAVER is the RAISIN for the season.

When this homily was presented at my church, I don't think many of our kids got the puns but they oooh'd and ahhh'd at each delicious and yummy reveal.

Playing With Fire #5

In Playing With Fire #4 I mentioned dropping the hand or finger into the key. This is called playing with gravity or arm weight. Some pianists may complain that certain pianos have a stiff action or, when they are cold, they have difficulty depressing keys. That is because they are trying to use the flexor muscles or the non-existent finger muscles to play. Your fingers have no muscles. They are moved by the muscles of the forearm.

When a pianist plays with gravity, the keys go down effortlessly because they are not using any muscle to depress the key, they are only using gravity or the weight of the arm. The only muscle engaged is the bicep which raises the hand from the fulcrum of the elbow, then controls the descent.

It is important to note that once your finger depresses a key, after you hit the "point of sound," you unweigh your arm so that you are not pressing down, leaving just enough weight to keep the key down. Another source of the apocryphal "repetitive strain injury" is pressing into keys because pressing stretches the long flexor tendons and stretching can create strain and micro tears. Since tendons do not have an active blood supply to promote healing, the body places scar tissue in the wound but, scar tissue does not stretch and results in larger tears the next time you stretch.

Warming up through stretching is also a myth. What happens when you overstretch your muscles, you tear muscle fibers and the body rushes blood to the site to begin repairing the damage of the stretch. Since blood is warm, it gives the illusion of warming up. A better way to warm up is to sit in a warm room. Also, you can't spot warm up since your blood is always circulating. When muscles and tendons are actually cold, they contract and resist stretching. Stretching cold tendons is always bad because they are contracted, resisting stretching and more apt to tear than stretch.

It is sort of like stretching warm taffy into gooey strands. Try that with frozen taffy and it will break. It is important for a pianist to never play with a cold body unless you have mastered ergonomic playing and the laws of physics.

Playing With Fire #4

Another problem with fabled "repetitive strain injuries" is not only what we are doing wrong but, what we are not doing right. Not only are there movements which hinder playing but there are movements which augment it.

Some pianists develop thumb problems. Often they are taught to cross the thumb under the palm which is bad for many reasons and they are also taught to play the thumb straight down which cripples the effortlessness of the rest of the fingers. The hand requires balance and that can not be achieved if we isolate fingers.

The muscle that plays the thumb straight down is the thumb's abductor. Abductor muscles are rather weak and sluggish and fatigue quickly. The thumb's strongest muscle is its flexor which pulls the thumb under the palm. Your thumbs are designed for gripping and holding. But the keys to the piano are not in the palm, they are under it. Crossing under then down uses two muscles at the same time and creates a dual pull of the thumb's bone. In this vector force tug of war between two muscles, strain can occur and certainly uneven playing. In addition, the thumb's tendon and the forefinger tendon intersect. When you cross the thumb under and flex the forefinger, the two tendons grind together. Friction of a tendon is not good. Eventually the pianist may develop thumb problems. Instead of playing the thumb's abductor straight down, there are other movements which can give it effortlessness and power. I'll cover how to get the thumb over (and not under) for scales and arpeggios later.

The first movement is to simply let gravity play the thumb down. Lift your arm up then let if gently fall to the key and depress it (without pressing into the key bed). As you can feel, gravity, or the weight of the arm is very powerful and effortless. Often pianists complain that the action of some pianos are stiff. They are not. The pianist is just trying to play using the wrong or weakest muscles. While depressing a key using gravity, notice you did not use any muscle of the thumb at all. Another motion is to use your pronator and supinator muscle which are located around your elbow. From your elbow, rotate your hand from the elbow, left and right. Notice how fast and effortless you can move your thumb without using it. Make sure your wrist is straight. Now, from your shoulder and elbow, forward shift into a key with your thumb, like poking someone's eye. Again, you don't use any thumb muscle but only arm muscle. The elbow, or pronator and supinator muscles, is where trills and tremolos come from, not the fingers or hand. The pianist who attempts to play them from the fingers (which have no muscles) or hand will quickly experience fatigue, cramps or pain.

You now have three ways to use the thumb to depress a key without using the thumb's muscles at all. Combine all three then minimize them and you will be on your way to effortless playing. Eight fingers to go.

Playing With Fire #3

Median Nerve Entrapment, or carpal tunnel syndrome, is often the result of an inflamed long flexor tendon. When we move improperly or over stretch, micro tears form on the tendon and since the tendon has no direct blood supply it can't heal very quickly so the body places scar tissue in the tear as a quick fix. Tendons glide and stretch within the tendon sheath but scar tissue does stretch not and more stretching or continued improper movement creates larger tears. Soon, inflammation sets in. Our long flexor tendons run through the carpal tunnel where the median nerve also passes. It is a tight and compact space and when the long flexor tendon becomes inflamed or larger, there is no place for it to expand so it crushes the median nerve giving us symptoms of pain and numbness.

Overuse is not the problem or cause of tendon issues, misuse is. Worse yet is if you combine tmisuse and overuse. When you move properly, there is no overuse. Much like a car in peak condition, you can drive it for thousands of miles with little wear and tear. However, if your frame is bent or there is something out of alignment, wear and tear will happen very quickly. Our bodies are no different. Compare this wear and tear to the tires on your car. If your car is out of alignment and that imbalance is eating away at your tires, you can get new tires but the wear and tear will happen to the new tires, too. The better solution is to fix the alignment of your wheels. Likewise, fix the alignment of your movement. Treat problems, not symptoms.

Often doctors treat the symptom of this pressure to the median nerve with drugs, rest, splints, PT, injections or surgery. Symptoms should not be treated, problems should be and for most people, the problem is they are simply moving improperly. Even after surgery and the symptom is “cured,” the problem of poor ergonomic movement still exists. The doctor only made more room for more future inflammation.

The benefit of learning how to move properly is that not only will the symptoms of pain, fatigue and numbness disappear but, as a musician, your accuracy, speed and power will increase and improve. Also, as you transfer these movements to everyday life, you'll discover ease and effortlessness in other motions of your daily living.

There is one danger though, once you learn to move properly, there is no going back to improper movement. Moving improperly will promote muscle growth of the improper muscles and once you stop using them you will lose them, the incorrect muscles will atrophy. This is often referred to by musicians as being rusty. Proper movement does not need to be practiced once learned, like walking or riding a bike, it is always there. Improper movement requires constant maintenance because it is not natural. This gives rise to the old adage, “Miss a day of practice and you notice. Miss two days and your competition notices. Miss three days and your audience notices.” A proper, ergonomic or virtuoso technique, like walking, is there forever and requires no maintenance.

Should you ever go back to moving improperly, you can seriously injure yourself because the incorrect muscles will have atrophied. Proper movement is all or nothing. I have found that many people either don't have the patience, dedication nor intelligence to re-learn how to move. This is not a criticism, it just is.

Playing With Fire #2

Many pianists and typists move incorrectly and improper movement creates tension and fatigue.  If you've ever gotten cramps or had to shake your hands out or wake up in the morning with stiff fingers, it is most likely because you use the wrong muscles or, are using them improperly.  When you play a finger BONE down onto a key, it must go straight down, following the path of gravity.  Often pianists are employing three of four muscles at the same time and three muscles pulling on one bone in three directions is what causes problems.  It is like if you were driving a car and trying to turn left and I grabbed the steering wheel and tried to pull us right, that is what goes on with our hands and we condition ourselves to accept then multiple muscle pulls as normal.  Really bad teachers will tell the student to practice more or build strength and endurance then prescribe silly exercises when all a long the student only needs to use the correct muscle and stop using the wrong ones.  In the car example, you would not need to work out or practice driving to stop me from trying to run us off the road.  You only need to stop using me as your copilot.

I will elaborate on this much more but for now, know that it is gravity that plays the keys down, all five fingers must move in the same direction at the same time (they are NEVER isolated as many teachers teach – that creates abduction and flexation at the same time), all five fingers play together, it is the arm that places the finger, the flexors are used minimally. This goes against what most of us are taught but, the laws of physics must never be challenged. If we do challenge them, we will lose and our orthopedic surgeons will be eating steak this week.

In summary, tension, pain, cramps, uneven playing, weakness in playing or syndromes are symptoms of using two or more muscles to simultaneously move one bone. Like the game “Tug of War,” one of your tendons will eventually tire and give out.

Anytime a pianist experiences tension, more practice only hard wires improper movement into the brain's muscle memory. It would be best to stop practicing until the movement can be corrected. Also, over time micro tears can form on the long flexor tendons which will result in inflammation. An inflamed long flexor tendon will press on the Median Nerve within the carpal tunnel resulting in pain, fatigue or numbness.

Playing With Fire #1

Playing With Fire #1

There is a myth that repetitive movement creates repetitive strain injuries. That is false.  Improper movement creates strain, fatigue and injury. Over the course of a year I am going to address issues of movement and how it can lead to injury, especially as it pertains to pianists. 

With all five fingers together, wave "bye bye."  Now abduct your fingers (spread them out) and wave "bye bye." Feel the strain? At the very least, you should feel that your fingers don't move as effortlessly as they did when they were moving together in one direction at a time.  This is where computer users, pianists or anyone who uses their hands can go wrong.

When you wave with your fingers together, you are alternating between the flexors and extensors, the muscles in your forearm (your fingers have no muscle) that flex and extend them. Your flexors are designed to move your fingers in one direction and your extensors are designed to move them in the opposite direction.  You can not flex and extend at the same time because you can only move your finger bones in one direction. For instance, you can only steer your car left or right, not in both directions at the same time. 

However, when you use your abductors at the same time you use your flexors, you are pulling the bone in two directions at the same time and that creates a tug of war or strain to the muscles and more directly to the tendons. You are attempting to move them down but left and right, too.

Most people who experience strain, fatigue, cramps or pain are creating this force vector which can build up scar tissue over time resulting in inflammation to the tendons. 

Optical Illusions

Are you looking for a fun activity to do outdoors with your kids or youth group?  All you need is a camera, an eye for location and a subject (with a solid core) who can hold a pose.  Very little photo editing is required.

First, take a hike.  Check with local hiking groups and online websites to find hikes that are appropriate for your age children then take them to the summit.  Bring lots of water and snacks.  Don't forget the water and bring plenty of water.  Did I mention not to skimp on the water? Bring more water than Brett Kavanaugh drinks beer.  I like beer.

Whatever mountain you choose, if you are not an experienced hiker, read trail reports to figure out how long a round trip will take.  Plan accordingly.  Bring flashlights (along with water) in case you miscalculate.  Chances are you live near an area with short one or two hour hikes.  You can also do a Google Image search of your chosen peak so you can see pictures of the summit that other hikers have taken and plan your photo layout in advance.

Then, look for a ledge, large flat slabs of granite or a large rock (erratic) that they can lay on.  What is important is for the camera to get either high or low enough to catch the subject but with either only sky or rock in the background.  If you catch any trees in the background you will have to do some editing for everything in the background will belie the optical illusion. This is why you may have to hike to the summit of the mountain and look for layered ledges or a large erratic.  If you try this on a slab of granite, make sure there are no shadows from trees or people which will give away the illusion.

Once you find your location, safety always comes first.  Do you know what the leading cause of death is while hiking?  The selfie.

Find a crack or bulge in your rock and have your subject lie down on their side below it with their bottom arm stretched up to the crack or bulge (a more realistic picture will have their arm at a right angle).  They must lie in a straight line.  Their upper arm should be relaxed but held up in the air pointing toward their feet.  Their head can be angled downward and their eyes can look all the way down toward their feet.  This is the "acting" part to give the illusion of awe of the height.  Too much acting will look fake.  Anyone brave enough to climb a cliff won't have the look of fear on their face.  Likewise, a real climber would not hang by his fingertips and smile for a camera. Real climbing is serious business and poses often look fake or at least, not dangerous. This should look like a candid pic snapped in the midst of action.

Now the hard part.  The subject needs to raise both feet and legs off the ground.  At least the upper leg.  Point the toes downward, this is very important.  Likewise, the arm should have the relaxed grace of a ballerina.  After the picture is taken, load it into a photo editor and simply rotate it once in the proper direction then save it. 

Another tip to ensure that the photo looks as real as possible, the subject shouldn't wear loose clothing, loose long hair and, their shoelaces should be tucked in.  Gravity will grab anything it can to make your photo look fake.