Bulletin Blurbs

I once played for a church which required me to post a "Bulletin Blurb" in the weekly bulletin in an effort to encourage people to consider joining the choir.  I asked my choir to go home and write some and they came back the following week with over 500 blurbs.  In no particular order, here are a handful:  

People can be divided into three groups: 
1. Those who make things happen
2. Those who watch things happen
3. and those who wonder what happened. 
Join the choir and make things happen.

Separate fact from fiction. 
Fact:     Singing in the choir is the most fun way to motivate, educate and train in a results-oriented  musical ensemble. 
Fact:    Singing in the choir is for everyone, regardless of age, gender or current IQ level. 
Fact:    Singing in the choir delivers results that improve your health and overall quality of life.  You will be breathing deeper, more efficiently, and you will be oxygenating your blood which flows to the brain, stimulating the whole body and mind. 
Fact:    Singing in the choir burns calories and melts inches off of your waistline (with plenty of exercise, a balanced diet, and a minimal caloric intake).

Over the past 40 years, the choir has had a variety of members:  doctors, nurses, teachers, homemakers, mechanics, computer programmers, students, cooks, accountants.  Each person has brought with them a wealth of friendship, spirituality, and altruistic compassion.  What “New Song” can you bring to our ministry and its timeless heritage?

Singing in the choir is so exciting that it will make your heart race.  But, don’t worry, one of our members is a cardiologist.  Join us this Wednesday.

On Thursday nights, the choir gathers in a delivery room unlike any other.  Here, people learn things about themselves, about God, and develop a special kind of confidence that comes from inside, and never goes away.  And when they leave, they’re different people.  Stronger, more confident, spiritual leaders.  Join us in the church basement at 7:00.

The Top Ten Ways to Join the Choir
10)  Call Malcolm at 555-5555.
9)    Leave a message at church.
8)    Place message in bottle, wait for next heavy rain, float to church.
7)    Take out a full-page color ad in the local paper telling your interest.
6)    Call our (900) number -warning - $50 per minute.
5)    E-mail Malcolm at: mkogut@
4)    During a Sunday morning sermon, leap to lectern, wrest mike from Fr. Bill and shout, "I HAVE to join the Choir RIGHT NOW!"
3)    One word: Searchlights!
5)    Tell any choir member. 
And the #1 way to join the Choir:  (drum roll)
1)    Just COME, Wednesdays at 6:15!

Do you own a Jacuzzi?  How about a condo in Myrtle Beach?  A ski chalet?  If you answered “Yes” to any of these questions, then the choir wants YOU!  Even if you are not in possession of such worldly prizes, you are still encouraged to stop by on Thursday night and see what we’re about. 

It takes twelve pages to tell you everything about the choir.  Surely you don’t think that we can do it in one small paragraph?  Come to rehearsal and begin find out what we’re about.

This l tt r is r ally hard to r ad.  Why?  B caus  it is missing a l tt r.  For want of a singl  l tt r, som thing do sn’t s  m right.  That is what it is lik  with th  choir.  If on  p rson is missing, th  whol  just do sn’t s  m to b  right.  Mayb  you ar  that missing p rson.  Join us on Thursday nights and compl m nt our compl m nt.

CHURCH.  The most important member of the choir is the same person that is the center of and is most important to the life and vitality of the church.  “U-R.”  Please join us.

Wanted
Tenors and Basses to join the choir. 
Must be able to read music. 
Must be available for one weekly rehearsal and one Sunday Mass. 
Must also own fishing boat.
Bring a picture of the boat.

Peter left his trade and followed Jesus his whole life.  We are only asking for a few hours each week.  Join the choir.

For the want of a nail, a shoe was lost.
For the want of a shoe, a horse was lost.
For the want of a horse, a man was lost.
For the want of a man, a battle was lost.
For the want of a battle, a kingdom was lost.
All for the want of a nail.
Every choir member is as important as that nail.  Please join us on Thursday.

Music can change lives!  The choir is an excellent opportunity to reach our assemblies through music.  The choir meets every Thursday night and is an excellent opportunity to meet new friends and grow spiritually.  There are many ways that you can help us:  Come; Bring a friend; Pray for us.  If you support this ministry, God will bless you beyond your imagination.

Make a difference in your parish community.  We are now recruiting members for the season of Advent.  If you are interested, call Malcolm at 555-5555 or come to one of our rehearsals on Thursday evenings.

A one semester course on music theory at SCCC costs $450.  A bag of store bought cookies cost about $2.50.  Membership dues to join a health club is $30 per month.  Singing in the choir is still free, you get cookies, an education and a work out.

Have you ever wondered what the choir wears under those robes?  Join us on Thursdays to find out.