I want to talk about forgiveness, again. Several years ago, my church
was robbed. The burglar broke three doors, smashed a window, stole
about $50 in petty cash, two rolls of stamps and a coffee pot. Kindly
leaving his fingerprints behind and having once been fingerprinted as a
child in case he was ever abducted, the police took no time at all in
tracking him down and arresting him. He was sentenced to five years in
prison for a first offense.
It turned out that he was
unemployed with a wife and three children. He was only providing for
his family in the only way he could at the time. The church forgave him
and reached out to support him. Some of us even went to his sentencing
to plead for leniency but that was for naught. Since he made a full
confession, the DA and judge threw the book at him. There was no reason
to offer a plea deal. Apparently the truth does not set you free.
His
wife was not accepting of the church and blamed the church for what
happened to her husband. Despite that, we wrote to him, visited him and
even offered his wife financial and food assistance, which she
refused. When he was released, since his wife didn't drive, we even
went to pick him up but she refused to go with us.
It was
exciting to see him with his three children attend church every Sunday.
Eventually he became employed as our sexton yet his wife remained
distant. He and I became good friends and enjoyed each others company.
I even saved the life of his daughter one day at a church pot luck. I
was walking by just as she started to choke on a piece of chicken. I
simply reached down around her stomach, hoisted her up and the chicken
shot out of her mouth like a bullet. The dad was eternally grateful and
the mom never said a word. It wasn't a big deal. A dozen other people
came running at the time of the event. I just happened to be there
first.
The wife continues to blame the church for getting her
husband arrested and consequently hurting her family. The fact that she
blames us and can't forgive us, and can't forgive her husband nor
herself, is something that is hurting only her.
There was a
story on the TV show Inside Edition about a woman named Kathleen. She
was date raped at the age of 16. She became pregnant and when she gave
birth, she gave the baby up for adoption. She viewed the baby as a
"rape growing inside of her" and she didn't view it as "giving birth,"
but "expelling the rape" from her body.
Fifty years later, the
child she gave birth to, Elaine, managed to track her mother down.
Kathleen refused to see her daughter and wants to keep it that way.
Kathleen said the rape was traumatizing and when Elaine contacted her
fifty years later, all the old wounds were ripped open. She didn't even
tell her husband of 45 years that she was date raped and gave birth to a
child. Kathleen refused to forgive the boy who raped her, or, forgive
herself. The only person still in pain is Kathleen. She refuses to let
go, forgive and heal.
Elaine says she feels sorry for the woman
who gave birth to her. She said, “It's sad that there's such vileness
and such hatred.” Kathleen emotionally said, “I have been shadowed by
this sinister shadow my entire life. I have been chained to this rapist
my entire life and it is not over.”
I know that will sound
impossible to some people and others will think it absurd, but, one of
the most beautiful expressions of love is being able to forgive
someone. I can't tell you why and it will probably be the most
difficult thing anyone will ever do, but, it is also the easiest. It is
also difficult, yet easy to ask for forgiveness. Once done, you will
be able to let go of wrongs that have been done and it will change
everything. It changes your attitudes, relationships, emotional make up
and your whole life. To forgive is to live and release burden. You
don't lose a thing. It is not a sign of weakness to love someone who
wronged you. It is a sign of strength.
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