Church Growth

I have had the privilege of speaking with several pastors recently about church growth or the lack of growth which many churches are experiencing across the country.  Some pastors are looking for gimmicks or programs to attract those who left and also looking for ways to welcome those who have never been.  Others are accepting of their size and diminishing membership and are desirous to settle for being in the service of those who remain.

A predominant reason people say they don't go to church is that they consider themselves spiritual and not religious and that the church is filled with hypocrites.  It is very easy to perceive the church as being filled with people who are "holier than thou."  It is also  very easy for the church to attract or foster people who "protest too much" in an effort to hide their own sinful nature.  It is easy for good people to be judgmental especially if they secretly recognize sinful desire in their own hearts.  On top of that, when some crime occurs in a church, we might discover that the perp was a pillar of the community, a lector, secretary, youth group leader, pastor or Eucharistic minister. 

It is not that the church attracts bad people.  The truth is everyone has the capacity to be a "bad" person.  There was a study by Wallerstein and Wylie where they asked 3,000 NY citizens who have never been arrested about all the things they had done in their lives.  100% of them have committed misdemeanors and were never caught and 97% had committed felonies but have never been caught.  So if you've never been caught, you must be a good person despite the bad things you've gotten away with.

About fifteen years ago I vacationed in Canada with a friend who illegally brought back Cuban cigars and prescription drugs which you couldn't buy in the US but they were available in Canada.  I thought it was very funny that I got flagged for a search and he, a Roman Catholic priest, waltzed right through. 

Today, churches often run background checks on its members in an effort to weed out the sinners.  It is good that they want to make safe sanctuaries but they need to keep in mind that most saints such as St. Paul and even Jesus, a convicted felon himself, would not be welcome in our churches for none of them would pass their background checks.  Part of the problem with organized religion is that it represents only a tiny part of the story and one that is often dangerously dysfunctional at that.

People of adversity find strength within themselves and they think that that has to do with finding meaning.  Instead of finding meaning we should call it forge for meaning for finding and searching are two different things.  Endurance is the entry way to forging meaning and, being accepted into a community is the only place that that can happen.  When we forge meaning we can incorporate that meaning into a new identity and that is what the church needs.  We need to take our faults and traumas and make them part of who we've come to be and we need to fold the worst events of our lives into a narrative of triumph as a response of things that hurt.  Instead the church tries hard to deny this.

I once encouraged a church to start a prison ministry and the response was that they didn't want to attract or associate with those kind of people.  What they failed to realize was that those people were already in the parish as convicted arsonists, drug users, DWI perps, a sex offender and burglar.  A few years later one of their 20 year old boys was arrested for dealing drugs and it still didn't dawn on them that they had the capacity to heal and the healing needed to happen in their own back yard.

When it was found out that I answered a suicide hotline, a woman grabbed me after a church service, broke down in tears and told me that her brother was arrested for committing a sex crime with a teenager, then completed suicide while in jail.  We spoke for quite some time and afterward I told the pastor what had happened so that he could be aware of the situation.  Instead of being compassionate, he became angry that the woman would confide in me and not him.  Of course, this was in a parish who abandoned a former pastor who was arrested on a DWI charge. She never trusted anyone in the parish with her pain and she carried it silently for many years. 

A woman who was raped as a teenager seemingly had her life destroyed.  She dropped out of school, gave birth to the child of the rapist and never went to college or forged a career of her own.  At the age of fifty she was asked if she ever thought of the rapist and she said she did and she felt sorry for him because, he has a beautiful daughter and two beautiful grandchildren and he doesn't know that and she does.  As it turns out, she considers herself the lucky one.  She credits the support and love of her community for the blessings in her life. 

Some things we are born to; our race, a disability, our sexuality, our gender and some are things that happen to us; being a rape victim, a prisoner, a Katrina survivor, a 9/11 survivor.  Religious identity means being able to enter into a church community to draw strength from that community and to give strength there too.  A church community is not for someone to enter in and say "I am here and I hurt," but rather "I hurt and I am here."  But we are ashamed, judgmental and can't tell our stories to the "good people" but our stories are the foundation of identity.

Just as the stories we tell come from our life experiences, our lives can grow from the stories that we tell.  The bible is filled with such stories of healing, joy, forgiveness and com-passion (suffering with one another).  That is the key; one another and, you won't find that on a Facebook page.  Instead, the church looks for ways to attract the wrong people because the church is interested in numbers and money.  If the church's goal is to promote healing and acceptance through pain and struggle, numbers and money will be the symptom thereof.  Currently, that calling is being lived out through social services and other organizations and they are doing a better job than the church is.   So, who needs the church . . .

It isn't solely about changing ourselves but about changing the world.  It doesn't make what is wrong right but makes what is wrong precious and you won't learn that from social services.  The road less traveled is what makes all the difference and the church is abandoning that road.  We can not be ourselves without the misfortune that drives our search for meaning.  "I take pleasure in infirmities," St. Paul wrote, "for when I am weak, then I am strong."  The church is trying to be strong while denying its weakness and driving out people it thinks will make them weak.

Oppression breeds the power to oppose it and that is the cornerstone of identity.  However, you can't change the church if you don't belong to it.  If a church is full of hypocrites, leaving it doesn't change that.  I know a church whose organist was arrested and half the church supported him and half wanted to abandon him.  The church chose to abandon him and eventually all the supporters left and the haters won.  That church's attendance dropped and is currently in danger of closing because - hate begets hate.  If the church chose love and forgiviness, who knows where it would be today. 

Today's church does not know what oppression is because they are doing the oppressing.  If you banish the dragons, you banish the heroes and we've always been attracted to the heroes in our society.  Satan doesn't have to fight the church because he has joined it.  When we shelter our children from adversity, we've failed as parents for it is adversity which trains and teaches children how to prepare and cope for what the real world may throw at them.  Someone once asked gay activist Harvey Milk what they could do to help the cause and Harvey told him to go out and tell someone.  There is always someone who wants to confiscate humanity and there are always stories to restore it but we need people to tell the story.  By banishing sinners the church is denying and forgetting its story and its calling.   Certainly every church will proclaim that it welcomes sinners but watch what happens if a registered sex offender or former murderer would like to join.  Ask Squeaky Fromme what church she is welcome in.

If the church lives out loud, we can trounce hatred and restore everyone's lives.  Then we can truly celebrate who we are and truly see ourselves in a healthy, life-giving, complimentary relationship with creation around us. Forge meaning and build identity then, invite the world to share your discovery and joy.  As the Hollywood axiom goes, "If you build it they will come."  Those who hear may even enter in for, they too have a story they'd like to share if they are brave enough and welcome to do it and then in the process, heal others too afraid to speak up.  The big question is though, does the church want to listen?

Church Growth Through Music?

I hope to discus this issue without reawakening the Inquisition but if I get you to think or maybe a little perturbed, I've done my job. That's what troublemakers do, they get you to think and if it is a worthy thought process, it might inspire you to try to change something.  It is usually the troublemakers of the world who get things started, done or changed.  Where would any of us be today if it wasn't for a troublemaker speaking their opinion, voicing a concern, sitting in the front of the bus or defying authority? Issues of sexuality, peace, gender and race equality have all been moved forward by troublemakers.  The world needs more troublemakers.  Jesus himself was a troublemaker and he was arrested and sentenced to death for his crime.  I find it funny that people don't realize that by today's standards he would be considered a convicted felon.  And don't whine to me about him being innocent.  We don't have innocent people locked up in our prisons? 

So, on topic, there are many clergy and traditional liturgical churches who have or are deliberating the issue of adding a contemporary music group as a worship resource in an effort to attract young people to their declining populations. One must consider that upbeat, hip or contemporary music will not necessarily attract young people back to church and you wouldn't want them there to be worshiping the music anyway.  Music worshipers can be deadly for a church.  Music worship is one of the many battlegrounds found within our churches.  While it is good to be fluent in the musical vernacular of our communities and try those of others, anyone in search of that type of music can easily find it on the radio, the internet or on TV. 

In addition, much of the contemporary Christian music is more user friendly for soloists or highly skilled performers.  Those sweeping melodies, out of range high or low notes and tricky rhythms are often difficult for a congregation let alone an amateur soloist to sing.  Hearing it performed anemically is not much of an attraction, either.  If the church has to fear something, it should fear mediocrity which is often present in many of our churches.  Whether the music is "performed" well or not, just visit a church that has contemporary music and look at the young people.  Are they participating?  Do they appear to want to be there?  Music should be a symptom of a vibrant and active congregation.  Pastors who have failed, musicians trying to justify their jobs or those who worship music, may disagree.  People of all ages should go to church to worship, pray, wonder, seek, find, to learn how to walk the walk comprehensively instead of in seeking divided assemblies and being lured in by yet another golden idol.  If the people are not singing, maybe they don't have a reason to sing. Give them something to sing about.  If a church is not the hub of our week, the space of our regrouping, a place where we have a transformative experience, a place where the Sabbath day is holy, then what is it?  A concert venue?  Music should not be the reason we go to church but it is important on the list of programs and activities which can help inspire a congregation to walk the walk.  As I said, it is good to be fluent in the musical vernacular of our communities, but as a symptom of our "with-unity."

Another flaw with much of our contemporary music is that it is based upon poor theology.  There is a difference between the inspired words of Scripture and "me and Jesus" songs which are at best suitable for private devotional exercises.  I recently accompanied a small choir who sang a song with the text - only if you beleive will you receive the blessings of God.  I know quite a few atheists who live blessed lives.  Like the sun, God's blessings shine upon everyone, not just believers. 

When you go to a birthday party, you don't go because there will be drums and guitars accompanying the song "Happy Birthday."  You don't go because there is going to be a choir or soloist singing "Happy Birthday."  You simply don't go to sing "Happy Birthday."  You go because you admire and love the person celebrating the date of their birth and because of that admiration, you sing "Happy Birthday."  The song accompanies the ritual action of blowing out the candles and making a wish and, is usually performed with full and active participation.  The participants are not concerned about being judged by others because everyone's focus is on the person they are there to admire, not one another.  The music is not the reason why people go to these types of celebrations but it is an important part because they have something to sing about.  People shouldn't be going to church because of the music or any other gimmick, they should go for another reason.

The fastest growing population of Christians are the disenfranchised.   People leave the church because it doesn't work for them.  Re-inventing what doesn't work won't bring them back.  Maybe the church needs to get the people out of the pews (apostle = apo [away] + stellein [send]) to simply share the wonderful things God is doing in their lives and nothing more.  If people who are seeking something greater than themselves return with those from our churches who have gone out and shared their love, great.  If not, the world is still a better place for their going out.

Churches shouldn't be focused on growth or the making of more money.  Churches need to stop worshiping their music but worship God whom those actions point to.  They only need to share the love of God through action, not tricks and lures of false gods and golden idols such as music, pizza, sewing clubs and the latest in multimedia technology.  Those are all great tools and we all want and may have them but in today's technologically accessible and socially active society, we don't need the church to fill those needs anymore.  In addition, if we want to serve the poor, there are organizations outside the church where we can do that and they are usually doing it much better than the church.  I know many people who volunteer and actively make a difference in their communities and they have chosen to opt out of organized worship life.  Lady Gaga has probably saved countless gay teen lives from suicide.  The church has probably lost many gay teen lives to suicide.  So, why church?

Christianity has survived 2,000 years and we don't need to fix it now unless we have wandered from the path.  The church is answering questions that young people are not even asking.  Go back to comforting the sick, visiting the imprisoned, healing, feeding and clothing.  As the song says, "They'll know we are Christians by our love," not our music.  I want to remind you that I previously said that music is a great tool and should be a symptom of a vibrant church which can also help inspire a congregation to walk the walk.  I personally harbor no musical prejudices.

For those churches who see this light, your challenge is to sleuth out the reasons people don't see church as relevant and address those issues.  According to some biblical scholars, most people have only a fourth grade knowledge or understanding of religion and biblical history.  Our Sunday School programs tend to teach bible stories as fundamental isolated facts and truth while failing to point to the bigger picture of the canon.  It is hard to admit that some stories are just stories aimed at conveying a message especially if it is engrained in our DNA since childhood that every word is unadulterated truth.  Personally I am not a fan of atonement theology and see the task of the Christian church is to no longer rescue you from your sin but to help you grow beyond the barriers of your insecurity into a new understanding of what it means to be human.  I know a priest who admitted that to me once but he said he would never tell the congregation because he would lose his job.  Education is the key to solving most of our societal concerns and it could build a thriving church unless we get mired down in the stories.

For instance, many of our fairy tales are about witches, big bad wolves and vampires.  Those stories were not designed to teach kids that those entities necessarily exist, they were designed to teach kids to not go alone into the woods and to be wary of strangers, to stay on the path and to know that nice is different than good.  They are not fundamental stories.  Here are a few more reasons that people see the church as irrelevant:

The bible focuses on a history and culture that most people don't know anything about so the readings are meaningless and boring to the average listener who knows nothing about first century Jewish culture and history.

The bible is male dominated.  There are no voices from women nor people of color.  It doesn't address nor give voice to our current demographic.  Did God stop speaking 2,000 years ago or does he still speak through people today such as Martin Luther King, Mother Teresa, Henri Nouwen or the Dali Lama? I beleive that the Unitarian church includes readings each Sunday from our contemporary mystics, prophets and assorted troublemakers.

Church demeans our humanity when it tells us we are terrible and sinful people from birth and that that process defiles our mothers. Instead of trying to make us fearful religious people, it should focus on making us the best people we can be.  God is love.  I don't know any parent who comes home and then tells their children that they are wretched sinners nor do I know anyone who enters a room and announces the same.  When we go to church, one of the first things we do is ask God for mercy and forgiveness.  What did we do over the past six days?  Christians don't need to be born again, they need to grow up.  In becoming human we enter the divine, we step beyond all limits beyond ourselves, and when we move beyond our sense of inadequacy and learn to give our lives away in love to others we experience life at a depth not previously known.   We all make mistakes but we don't define ourselves by those mistakes.  We grow from them and move on.   The church doesn't want that because it is in the forgiveness business and would go out of business if you started to grow up.

All denominations teach some degree of fundamentalism whether they realize it or not, or, they make no attempt to correct past errant beliefs.  We get our skewed theology and disbelief from bad childhood Sunday School programs, poor preaching and the greatest and most believed interpreter of the bible of all: Hollywood.  Most of what people think happened in the first century, for instance, is derived from movies.  For example, we think that when the curtain was torn in two, we envision what movie producers have taught us, that there was indeed an earthquake, rocks split, the sun disappeared and the walls of the temple cracked and people fell to the ground.  Did that happen literally as in the movies or was it really intended to be a deep and poignant poetic description?  Most people don't even know what the "curtain" truly was but Hollywood "showed" us in the movie.  While I stood at the bedside of my mother the moment she died, when she took her last breath, I could describe it as a quake and eclipse too, and the curtains which divided my family were torn in two, but it wasn't literal.  Oh Charlton Heston, you've done more damage to biblical scholarship than any devil ever could.

We can not nor will not twist our 21st century minds into first century culture and understanding of the world.  2,000 years ago, if someone fell to the ground and started shaking, they were thought to be possessed by demons.  Today we would say they were having a seizure and get them medical care.  Fundamentalists can consult a priest but I'm going to consult a doctor.  The church has a lot of damage to undo before it can reclaim credibility and it should not preach on first century beliefs.  As the Gershwin song states about Jonas living in the belly of the whale, "It ain't necessarily so." The people recognize this. It took the Roman Catholic Church over 300 years to admit that it was wrong for imprisoning Galileo about his belief that the Earth revolved around the Sun.  How weak was their faith if they couldn't handle a little speculation from a scientist that they had to arrest him?  Remember the advice given to the Sanhedrin by the high priest Gamaliel in the book of Acts when he was asked to solve the problem of this new Jesus movement.  He said if it's of God, there is nothing you can do to stop it and if it is not God, you don't need to oppose it because it will eventually die under it's own weight.  A biblical scholar once opined that most of what is written in the bible didn't actually happen and he later received 16 death threats and a bomb scare. I bet that none of those threats came from atheists.  Our faith is weak if we must protest too much.

The church tries to get us to see life through stained glass windows.  It teaches us that pain, suffering, death, hate, discrimination or persecution can be conquered and prayed away.  Many people only go to church when they are suffering or scared.  Pain and suffering are inevitable and can't be conquered.  The church can however teach us that those things, with the help from one another, can be endured.  Henri Nouwen said "Blessed are those who suffer, not because suffering is good, but because they shall be comforted."  Every condition of our lives, good or bad, wonderful or horrible, is merely the support system for the journey.  If I fall and break my leg, don't pray for me, call 911.  Then together we can pray and rejoice for the gift of friendship, caring, sacrifice and the healing process. I know a Christian Scientist who fell and broke his hip.  He went to the hospital and had surgery.  Several weeks later he came back to church and praised God for his healing. I don't know why Christian Scientists get a bad rap for believing that God heals them.

Religious institutions and denominations teach that theirs is the only one true religion or institution.  Many do not allow the cross pollination of Communion. A Hindu who rejects Christ hasn’t found it.  A Christian who rejects Buddha hasn’t found it. This is why more people are identifying with being "spiritual, not religious."  They don't know what they don't know but they recognize tunnel vision when they see it.  I am a Christian because I was raised in the Christian tradition but if I were born to different parents I could easily have been a Jew, a Muslim, a Hindu or a Buddhist.  People travel the pathway to God that is available to them, usually by birth.  Is the pathway holy or is the goal to which every path is pointed to holy?  If one walks their pathway deeply and with integrity they will walk beyond boundaries of their human and church created pathways.  They will then escape the limits of religion and be able to sit down and talk with their Jewish, Buddhist and Muslim friends.  That is the essence of the Christian faith, where we can share in the treasures of the of the faith journeys of other religions.  That is important, a Christian is one who walks the Christ path into a deeper and fuller expression of their own humanity.  The opposite is that I am right, you are wrong and you won't be right until I fix you.

Our society is more enlightened and knows more about issues such as the origin of the biblical canon, when the books were actually written, who actually wrote them, why they were written, the phenomenon of oral tradition, psychological warfare in scripture, scientific or logical explanations of supernatural events, etcetera. When a more enlightened person hears fundamentalist preaching they just walk away.  But, people need to realize that if they are not part of the church, they can't fix it.  Not to act is to act.

The church has been on the wrong side of public opinion for centuries; where is the center of the universe, sun/earth relationship, Inquisition, Crusades, witches, homosexuality, women, equality of women, Manifest Destiny, the Magna Carta, slavery, married priests, gay marriage, and so many other issues.  The church doesn't continue to believe or support many of those issues nor does it rehash them.  It doesn't have to.  But, it doesn't address issues of today.  If it does, it doesn't do much more about them. A homily should inspire action, then the church should act.  Mostly people just go home until next Sunday and that is the fault of the church.  If the church does inspire people to action, it should provide the opportunity and tools for them to act. A church shouldn't just tell people to visit those in prison, it should also tell them what time the bus leaves.

When the church cherry pics data and scripture to live by but then is judgmental, persecutes, abandons and hates, young people see, they hear, they listen - then they walk.  They may not know why but they sense something is wrong or hypocritical and that this hypocrisy doesn't feed their souls.  And yes, churches can hate; are the penitent actually welcomed joyfully back into the community, reconciled both to God and their fellow Christians?  Ask a drug dealer, murderer or sex offender if they feel welcome even though they paid their debt and reconciled.  Churches now run background checks on its membership.  Note: Jesus would not pass.

I once had a drummer join my contemporary music group.  He told me privately that he just got out of prison and I simply congratulated and welcomed him.  He was phenomenal and added much to our sound and energy.  The choir loved him.  He played with us for about five weeks when my pastor asked me who he was and I accidentally blurted out that he just got out of prison.  The pastor said he had to have a meeting with this wonderful musician and after the meeting, without a word he never returned.

Our actions and inaction's belie much of what is preached on any given Sunday.  It is interesting that the bible belt is screaming for the death penalty of Dylann Roof.  Does your church beleive in and demand the death penalty?  Not to act is to act.  Which church would you like to belong to, a blood thirsty vengeful one or one that forgives?  We don't need to set Dylann free but we do need to forgive him, love him, visit him and support him if he is sentenced to live out the rest of his natural life in prison.  How powerful a witness Dylann could be if love were to transform him - as it did that other murderer, Saul/Paul, and Dylann then traveled to speak out against hate and prejudice.  Eh, let's just kill him.  How quickly the church forgets that many of its saints and holy men were first murderers, rapists and thieves. 

As children grow up and break laws, we lock them up in places where kindness is rare and considered weak.  Most inmates leave prison and re-enter society hating society for turning its back on them.  Wouldn’t it seem more reasonable to put law breakers in a place which cherishes kindness, reminds them of how important it is and affords them opportunities to develop and express it? Which church would you like to belong to? With or without religion, good people do good things and evil people do evil things. But for good people to do evil things, that takes religion. Not to act, is to act.  Does your church act?  Is it a troublemaker?  Does it condone state murder?

In the Babemba tribe of South Africa, when a person commits a crime, he is placed in the center of the village, alone and unfettered. All work ceases, and every man, woman, and child in the village gathers in a large circle around the accused individual. Then each person in the tribe speaks to the accused, one at a time, each recalling the good things the person in the center of the circle has done in his lifetime. Every incident, every experience that can be recalled with any detail and accuracy, is recounted. All his positive attributes, good deeds, strengths, and kindnesses are recited carefully and at length. This tribal ceremony often lasts for several days. At the end, the tribal circle is broken, a joyous celebration takes place, and the person is welcomed back into the tribe.

So if people don't come to church because they find its teachings, actions and inaction to be hypocritical, outdated, ineffective, meaningless and poorly executed, do you honestly think guitars and drums are the answer?  Have your tried fog machines and laser lights yet?

Forgive or Hate?

It has been a sad day today.  First, Nelson Mandela died.  However a bigger story on my local news is the sentencing of a 23 year old man to five to fifteen years in prison.  A year ago he was driving while intoxicated and crashed into another car carrying four teenagers.  Two of them died. 

What is very sad is that the family and news media are outraged that the 23 year old (I'll refrain from using his name) did not get more time.  They were quite angry and demanded that the Governor increase the prison penalty for those convicted of DWI and manslaughter. 

What saddens me is the degree of hate and revenge the family and friends had at the news conference following the sentencing.  One of them said that they hope that the hell this 23 year old will face in prison is a foretaste to the hell he will face in eternity.  The only thing this press conference was doing was making things worse, fueling anger and stressing one another even more making the old adage "misery loves company" all the more true. 

Nelson Mandela once said "Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies."   When someone can't let go, when they hold onto anger and dedicate their life to revenge, it changes everything;  It changes their relationships, their attitudes and everything they do in life.  There is much to lose when you hate.  You don't lose a thing when you forgive because it is not a sign of weakness to forgive someone who hurts you, it's a sign of strength, in fact, you'll have much to gain.   Now this does not mean you have to become best friends with the person who hurt you, it simply means that you will no longer be caught in a downward spiral of anger and hurt which you may take out on other people such as family and friends.

Anger, bitterness and hate is more than a negative outlook on life.  It is a destructive and self destructive power like a cancerous cell or dangerous mold that thrives in the darkness of the heart.   It can be physically and emotionally damaging.  As the great Buddha once said, "He who opts for revenge should dig two graves." 

I don't know the young man convicted nor his remorse, rehabilitation or guilt, but in refusing to lay aside hatred, the family and friends are continuing to let him exert his influence over them.  Meanwhile he will spend the next five or ten years oblivious to their pain, in his state imposed Ashram, exercising, making new friends, studying at the school for crime, and learning to hate society for hating him.  When he gets out he will most likely be worse than when he went in and a continued burden to tax payers.  Under house arrest, he and his family would bear the burden for the cost of incarceration.  In prison, the taxpayer will be forking over about $30,000 per year to punish him.  Nobody wins. 

Someone once said that life is ten percent what happens to you, and ninety percent what you do with it.  Imagine if all the hate and energy being put toward destruction and lobbying for more laws was put into restorative justice, education and awareness.  These are not the last two teens who are going to be killed by a drunk driver and all the hate in the world directed at the 23 year old isn't going to save them.  Education and awareness of the evils of alcohol may.  But it seems these people wish to take revenge - on themselves because that is what hatred does.  Forgiving someone who hurts is us hard but everything is hard until you do it, then it becomes easy.  Then we will be inspired to do something - something good.  Maybe that is the scary part, it is easy to be angry and get other people to do something.  Bad things will always happen, but a bad thing can be a blessing in disguise to those brave enough to forgive and do something.   

For those of you who are religious, millions of people will recite the Lord’s Prayer in church this weekend.   They will pray, “Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.”  I often wonder whether we really mean what we say when we repeat these words, and whether we sufficiently consider their meaning.   What do you think God thinks of us when we don't hold up our end of the bargain?  And we wonder why atheists think the church is full of hypocrites. 

In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus teaches us not only to love our enemies, but even to “bless” those who persecute us.   While on the cross, he prayed for those who prosecuted and sentenced him, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” So did Stephen who prayed the same thing as he was being stoned to death: “Father, do not hold this against them.”

Loving and forgiving those who hurt us is the key to the solution for the problems in our world.  Hate begets hate.  Darkness doesn't drive out darkness.  Only light can do that.  Love is the only force capable of turning an enemy into a friend.  Hate destroys and tears down but by its very nature, love creates and builds up. Love transforms.  The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook and to forgive.

I once came home to discover that my dog pooped on the floor.  I yelled at her and she cowered in the corner.  I then realized that I was the one who left her alone in the house for ten hours so in my baby voice I called her over to me.  She was hesitant but her tail was wagging.  When she reached me, I petted her and she danced around me and kissed me.  All was forgiving from both of us.  I cleaned up her mess as she watched with a sideways glance.  Then we went outside for a nice run.  Nelson also once said that action may not bring happiness but there is no happiness without action.

Poor Paula Deen

The media frenzy and rabid, foaming at the mouth impugnment of Paula Deen's character is rubberneckingly amazing.  The media, corporations and politicians have not only thrown her down a hole, but they are now using a plunger to send her further down and pull her back out so they can assail her even more - and sell more ad space, deflect attention and milk the witch hunt for all its worth.

I have no need to explore Paula's cultural heritage, character, remorse, rehabilitation, upbringing or Christic morality regarding the matter.  What I find more interesting are the corporations who are severing all ties with her and putting as much distance between them and her as they can.  Why?

They are all hypocrites.  We live in a society whose mob mentality embraces revenge, punishment, ostracization, fear and unforgiveness.  The irony is that many of these corporations probably have people on their boards who are far worse "racists" but are smart enough to never admit it.   This will teach people to paint over their windows of transparency. 

Nobody is the worse thing they've ever done or said and we've ALL said or done things we may not be proud of.  Whether those things have gotten us in trouble or fired does not negate the fact that we may have learned from those experiences, grown from them, changed or even made restitution and asked for forgiveness.  Many people go so far as to work more hard to prove themselves as worthy and productive members of society in the process of that reinvention.

If someone asks for forgiveness and we don't offer it, what does that say about us?  I'd rather have a repentant criminal live next door to me than a surreptitious "good  guy" who has never been caught.  For those of us who are Christians, while on the cross, Jesus took a repentant convicted criminal to paradise with him, not an honest man like all those "good" people who accused, convicted, leered and denied him.

As an aside, (Did anyone see the movie "The Gathering?"  It was about [spoiler alert] the people who witnessed the crucifixion and did nothing to stop it.  They were condemned to spend eternity witnessing the worse atrocities humanity inflicts upon itself for, not to act is to act.  ( For instance, the church must condone war since it does little to stop it)).

The corporations who severed their ties with Paula are blind.  All they are doing is tearing down and destroying in an effort to either get people to notice how superior and ethical they are or, to deflect attention away from themselves (Look how evil Paula is and how good we are because we threw her to the curb.  We're not hateful, prejudice or evil as she is.  Look at our moral superiority by denouncing her and her wickedness).

If I were in charge of one of these corporations, I'd embrace Paula and design an ad campaign using Paula and focusing the ad on race relations, the destructive force of prejudice and how we can heal from hate.  I would show the world what hate looks like, what it can do and what we are doing to help heal the wounds of ignorance.  Then combine it with coupons and events to promote healing, attract attention to the good we are doing rather than what we are not doing and of course, sell product.  What is that age old axiom about honey, vinegar and flies?

When all you do is destroy, disown and dissolve, you can't heal or build. These companies are cutting off their noses to spite their face.  So far, these companies are The Food Network, Walmart (a paragon of race and fair wage relations) Caesars Entertainment (gambling is not an addiction but bring your credit card anyway),  Target now has her in their cross-hairs (Target finds it acceptable to sell products made by minors working for $2 a day in Asian sweatshops. Their PR teams are thanking Deen for diverting attention away) and Smithfield Foods.

Smithfield issued a statement saying "As an ethical food leader, it is important that our values and those of our spokespeople are properly aligned.”

Smithfield has ethics? Their use of gestation crates would seem to be at odds with that. Not to mention all the land they have contaminated with feces-ridden runoff.  The very fact that they have the gall to use the word "ethical" when referring to themselves strikes me as ludicrous.

Novo Nordisk which produces the drug Victoza has dumped Paula, too.  Victoza is a drug for people with diabetes.  Paula was a spokesperson for Victoza while at the same time she was promoting lifestyle and dietary changes in an effort to battle diabetes.  I'm sure that that competitive opinion didn't sit well with Novo Nordisk who would rather that people afflicted with diabetes take their drug instead of putting down that doughnut and getting exercise.  Paula's alternative method of healing certainly had nothing to do with Novo Nordisk breaking their contract with her, I'm sure.  But her use of the N-word, the concision of insult, came at a convenient time.

The ancient art of the invective has been around for centuries and will be around for centuries more.  It won't stop by firing Paula and negating all the good she did and is further capable of doing, but, imagine what could be accomplished by using her to educate people and  proffering a little forgiveness laced with mercy and grace.

I have no doubt that Paula is going to reinvent herself and come back bigger and better.  The question is, which savvy corporation is going to align with her and make a big score when she does have a lucrative comeback?   Paula, I'm in!  But all I have is ten bucks.

Monsters Under the Bed

I haven't blogged in a while because I've been busy but, recently an event that happened which perturbed me enough to pick up my sententious and pugilistic pen.  The 20 year old son of a friend was recently arrested with drugs.  Drugs are scary.  Just as a drunk driver can hurt or kill themselves or others, drugs can hurt and kill.  Well, most drug users use them in the privacy of their own home and are less likely to harm others but, they do run the risk of damaging their own bodies and creating issues in their normal day to day living.  If someone has a drug problem, arresting them does nothing to assuage their addiction.  It will be far from mollifying but intensifying any problem they may have.  Punishment takes away his life.  Only treatment and support from family, friends and the community will help unencumber him from the appetite of chemical dependency.  People with support, mercy, compassion and purpose are more amenable to discipline and healing. 

Take the scary and often moniker-ed "gateway drug" marijuana.  Most everyone I know uses it or has used it and I bet that most everyone you know falls into the same category - or they're lying.  So why isn't most of our population drug addicts?  Because they don't have that addiction gene?  I have alcohol in my house and I rarely consume it.  I do drink but I don't have to.  I have no need or strong desire to imbibe in it.  I'm not a drinker but I enjoy the product on occasion with friends.

I have several fiends who admit to doing cocaine, heroin or ecstasy in their pasts (I work in the church.  I run across these people a lot.  What is the church for if not for sinners?).  Once they got the fad of drug experimentation out of their systems, they went on to lead productive and professional lives, raising families and leaving drugs behind them.  Would they like to indulge again once in a while?  I'm sure but, they "grew up" and recognized that it affects their productivity and living a real life. 

Many of our politicians and technological geniuses have indulged in temporary drug use: Clinton, Bush, Obama, Steve Jobs.  If any of those men were ever caught and thrown into prison, none of them would be the men they are today for they would be convicted felons and not eligible to work in the professions they have chosen.  Can you imagine what our world would be like if Steve Jobs was given a forty year prison sentence instead of freely practicing his craft in pursuit of genius and perfection? 

Assemblyman Steve Katz (R) who is an outspoken state assemblyman who serves on the chamber's Alcoholism and Drug Abuse Committee — and had the effrontery to vote against medical marijuana — was recently busted for possessing pot.  He was pulled over on the state Thruway for going 80 miles an hour  in a 65 mph zone when a trooper detected a palpable odor redolent of pot wafting from his car.  Katz was on his way to Albany to vote on legislation while under the influence, BTW.  All charges were dropped against him.  Hmmph.  Membership has its privileges. 

Even our best athletes in the world have smoked weed.  "Disgraced U.S. Olympian Nick Delpopolo " is what the headlines read last summer after he failed a drug test. Why is he disgraced when so many other people use the drug with impunity? The Bureau of Statistics doesn't even research marijuana deaths each year because the number is so insignificant. Our government has lied and frightened the public for decades about this safe, natural medicine. Nobody beats their wife or kids, loses their job, gets in accidents, rapes or murders, or blows their paycheck on pot.  Alcohol?  That's a different story.  Nick's life, career and dream of greatness in service to our country through sports is now ruined by societal prejudice due to the unjust prohibition laws of cannabis.

Here are just a few of the many highly motivated athletes who have used drugs:
* Usain Bolt, the 2008 World Record holder of the 100 and 200 meter sprint.
* Michael Phelps, the most decorated swimmer ever with 14 Olympic gold medals.
* Tim Lincecum, the National League baseball’s Cy Young Award winner for 2009.
* Santonio Holmes, the Super Bowl XLII’s MVP.
* Mark Stepnoski, two-time Super Bowl champion. "I'd rather smoke than take painkillers."
* Randy Moss, NFL single season touchdown reception record (23, set in 2007), and the NFL  single-season touchdown reception record for a rookie (17, in 1998). Moss has founded, and  financed many charitable endeavors including the the Links for Learning foundation, formed in  2008.
* Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, the NBA's all-time leader in points scored (38,387), games played,  minutes played, field goals made, field goal attempts, blocked shots and defensive rebounds.  During his career with the NBA's Milwaukee Bucks and Los Angeles Lakers from 1969 to  1989, Abdul-Jabbar won six NBA championships and a record six regular season MVP  Awards. He has a prescription to smoke marijuana in California, which he says he uses to  control nausea and migraine headaches. He has been arrested twice for marijuana possession.
* "Most of the players in the league use marijuana and I have and do  partake in smoking weed in the off season" - Josh Howard, forward for the Dallas Mavericks.  Howard admitted to smoking marijuana on Michel Irvin's ESPN show.
* "You got guys out there playing high every night. You got 60% of your league on marijuana.  What can you do?" - Charles Oakley (Chicago Bulls, New York Knicks, Toronto Raptors,  Washington Wizards and Houston Rockets)
* "I personally know boxers, body builders, cyclists, runners and athletes from all walks of life  that train and compete with the assistance of marijuana," —WWE wrestler Rob Van Dam
* Some of the best cricket players of all time, like Phil Tufnell and Sir Ian Botham, have  admitted to regularly using marijuana to deal with stress and muscle aches. In 2001, half of  South Africa's cricket team was caught smoking marijuana with the team physiotherapist. They were celebrating a championship victory in the Caribbean.

Where would any of those un-convicted criminals be today had they been caught and arrested before they achieved greatness?  Yes, drugs are bad and I would not encourage anyone to take or abuse them.  However, are they as bad as we have been led to beleive or are we just not able to make money off of them as well as say, alcohol which kills tens of thousands of people each year?  Are those deaths acceptable to our predominately Christic society? 

My biggest complaint here is not drugs.  It is the arrest of this twenty year old.   Millions of people before him, right now and in the future will do drugs and not get caught.  They will then go on to lead normal and productive lives without incident.  They either lead a life so boring that they are easily enchanted or they lead a life so full of stimulus that are are easily bored so, drugs were a temporary experiment.  This twenty year old will most likely become a convicted felon, do prison time, have the stigma of a conviction on his record, have difficulty procuring housing because of background checks and drug registries, endure numerous desultory attempts at finding a job, he'll have zero credit and he will most likely live off the largess of the social services and the taxpayer's dime.  He will be judged differently from normal, phantasmagorical good people with a prepossessing Christian artifice.  He will be labeled with the delineating modifier of "criminal" and his productivity to society will be a patent waste.  His life will be larded with more problems than an algebra textbook.  Most likely he is no different than anyone else.  He just got caught.

Nobody is the worse thing that they've ever done.  A conviction and doing prison time will not help this kid if he has a problem.  It will certainly not help him when he gets out and tries to put his life back in order.  If he has a drug problem, then he should be treated for it, not punished.  Our entire justice system is designed for punishment and profit.  Prisons should be for people who are a threat to others and not a warehouse for politicians, judges, DA's and law enforcement people to win elections and win grant money.

A story I often like to tell is about a friend who as a teen would ensconce himself on a bridge and throw pumpkins onto a highway below.  Fortunately he never hit a car and he was never caught.  Had he been caught or had he hurt anyone, he would have done many years in prison.  He wasn't caught, he went on to college, got married, became very active in his church, had kids and now works for corporate America as a manager of a nationally recognized chain.  Should he have been punished?  I don't know.  Had he been caught, his life would be drastically different today.  With a felony conviction on his record, he wouldn't have gone to college, probably not be married and his kids wouldn't exist.  He does more good for society today than society would have gotten out of him by punishing him. 

Winston Churchill once said that “One of the most unfailing tests of a civilization is how a country treats its criminals.”  Most criminals return to the streets in a worse state than when they were arrested.  Prison turns good people bad and bad people worse.  A better solution for crime would be a restorative justice approach. 

In The Art of Forgiveness, Lovingkindness, and Peace, Jack Kornfield describes an African forgiveness ritual: "In the Babemba tribe of South Africa, when a person acts irresponsibly or unjustly, he is placed in the center of the village, alone and unfettered. All work ceases, and every man, woman, and child in the village gathers in a large circle around the accused individual. Then each person in the tribe speaks to the accused, one at a time, each recalling the good things the person in the center of the circle has done in his lifetime. Every incident, every experience that can be recalled with any detail and accuracy, is recounted. All his positive attributes, good deeds, strengths, and kindnesses are recited carefully and at length. This tribal ceremony often lasts for several days. At the end, the tribal circle is broken, a joyous celebration takes place, and the person is symbolically and literally welcomed back into the tribe."

Too bad for those of us who profess to be Christians, that Jesus didn't show us another way.  Maybe those of us with eyes to see and ears to hear, know that way.  But, not to act is to act. 

-Malcolm Kogut.

Forgiveness. Take Two.

I want to talk about forgiveness, again.  Several years ago, my church was robbed.  The burglar broke three doors, smashed a window, stole about $50 in petty cash, two rolls of stamps and a coffee pot.  Kindly leaving his fingerprints behind and having once been fingerprinted as a child in case he was ever abducted, the police took no time at all in tracking him down and arresting him.  He was sentenced to five years in prison for a first offense.  

It turned out that he was unemployed with a wife and three children.  He was only providing for his family in the only way he could at the time.  The church forgave him and reached out to support him.  Some of us even went to his sentencing to plead for leniency but that was for naught.  Since he made a full confession, the DA and judge threw the book at him.  There was no reason to offer a plea deal.  Apparently the truth does not set you free.

His wife was not accepting of the church and blamed the church for what happened to her husband.  Despite that, we wrote to him, visited him and even offered his wife financial and food assistance, which she refused.  When he was released, since his wife didn't drive, we even went to pick him up but she refused to go with us.  

It was exciting to see him with his three children attend church every Sunday.  Eventually he became employed as our sexton yet his wife remained distant.  He and I became good friends and enjoyed each others company.  I even saved the life of his daughter one day at a church pot luck.  I was walking by just as she started to choke on a piece of chicken.  I simply reached down around her stomach, hoisted her up and the chicken shot out of her mouth like a bullet.  The dad was eternally grateful and the mom never said a word.  It wasn't a big deal.  A dozen other people came running at the time of the event.  I just happened to be there first.

The wife continues to blame the church for getting her husband arrested and consequently hurting her family.  The fact that she blames us and can't forgive us, and can't forgive her husband nor herself, is something that is hurting only her. 

There was a story on the TV show Inside Edition about a woman named Kathleen.  She was date raped at the age of 16.  She became pregnant and when she gave birth, she gave the baby up for adoption.  She viewed the baby as a "rape growing inside of her" and she didn't view it as "giving birth," but "expelling the rape" from her body. 

Fifty years later, the child she gave birth to, Elaine, managed to track her mother down.  Kathleen refused to see her daughter and wants to keep it that way.  Kathleen said the rape was traumatizing and when Elaine contacted her fifty years later, all the old wounds were ripped open.  She didn't even tell her husband of 45 years that she was date raped and gave birth to a child.  Kathleen refused to forgive the boy who raped her, or, forgive herself.  The only person still in pain is Kathleen.  She refuses to let go, forgive and heal.

Elaine says she feels sorry for the woman who gave birth to her.  She said, “It's sad that there's such vileness and such hatred.”  Kathleen emotionally said, “I have been shadowed by this sinister shadow my entire life. I have been chained to this rapist my entire life and it is not over.”

I know that will sound impossible to some people and others will think it absurd, but, one of the most beautiful expressions of love is being able to forgive someone.  I can't tell you why and it will probably be the most difficult thing anyone will ever do, but, it is also the easiest.  It is also difficult, yet easy to ask for forgiveness.  Once done, you will be able to let go of wrongs that have been done and it will change everything.  It changes your attitudes, relationships, emotional make up and your whole life.  To forgive is to live and release burden.  You don't lose a thing.  It is not a sign of weakness to love someone who wronged you.  It is a sign of strength. 

Sandy Hook Elementary in Newtown, CT

Amid the pain, suffering, loss and senselessness of the recent school shooting, there has been overwhelming and beautiful expressions of care and support toward Newtown, the victims and their families.  The Newtown community and nation are coming together in prayer, love and compassion (with + suffering).   The emotions range from shock, disbelief, sadness, fear and anger.   Although it may not be a popular recognition, there are also others victims in this tragedy.  They are collateral damage who  are also suffering pain, loss, shame and fear.  They are a mother, a son, a brother, a father; the Lanza family. 

A quick perusal of any of the media sites, Twitter or Facebook, will yield in the comment sections significant hate and demonization for the family of and for Adam Lanza.  “Rot in Hell,” “Sicko,” and “Monster” are some of the more calm names he has been called.   Some of the horrible things that “good” people would like to do to him are very disturbing.

It has been widely reported that Adam Lanza was suffering with mental turmoil and that he had Aspergers and Personality Disorder.  Many other mass killers have been reported to have mental abnormalities, too.  Where do people with and such destructive behavior come from?  Is it genetic?  A chemical imbalance?  Is it brought on by environment?  Their social upbringing?  How they were parented? 

Some readers are demanding a registry for people with Aspergers  much like the sex offender registry.  That way, people think, they can keep an eye on them and know where they live and what they are doing but registries don’t work.  If someone is going to do something, they’re going to do it.  A registry for people with mental disorders will only make it difficult for them to find employment, housing and further augment their social death making them feel even more helpless and hopeless.  Society can’t register away its fears.  We already have a gun registry, background checks were completed, the school was locked and yet the tragedy occurred anyway. 

I do know though, that what is done to us creates and shapes us.  For every action there is an opposite and equal reaction.  Adam was reportedly a quiet, socially awkward, largely ignored and avoided youth.  We will never know if things would be different today if his peers and friends went out of their way to include, welcome and help him to integrate into their circles and cliques,  resolutely attempting to ameliorate him of his social fears and embarrassments. 

Social isolation is dangerous.  When someone commits a crime and we arrest them and punish them, do you think that makes them love society more?  We send them to prison where they seethe and fester about the loss of their freedom, then when they get out no one will give them a job, they are abandoned by friends and family, ostracized in the papers, put on registries or have permanent records they can never escape from.  Is it any wonder that some of these people have to resort to more crime in order to survive or worse—snap when pushed too far?  Oscar Wilde said that every saint had a past and every sinner had a future.  Did anyone take the time to help Adam envision a future? 

That's why I struggle with the whole notion of calling someone the “good guy” or the “bad guy” because I think we all have potential to do good things and all have the potential to do bad things.   What happened to Adam to make him do what he did and what could society have added to his lonely life to make those actions completely unthinkable to him?  I’m not blaming society, but, we don’t have to live like this.  There is so much darkness in this world and we can’t escape that dark because it will always be there.  It is up to us to be the light for one another.  We can’t do that if we step into the abyss and remain there.  We need to choose whether to be part of the problem or the solution.

A friend of mine is a commercial airline pilot.  He said that if a pilot has a record or mental health issues, their license will be revoked.   I’d much rather be flying with a pilot getting treatment for his issues than one who is not because he is afraid of losing his job if he seeks help.

The hate speech on the social media sites such as Facebook is shocking and quite frankly terrifying.  Sadly, these people don’t realize that their art of the invective makes them, too, monsters.  Stalkers of a different sort.  Their venom is not part of the solution but is only seeding the problem.  Hate begets hate and just as the criminal hates society for punishing him, as an animal backed into a corner will attack, or someone who thinks society has abandoned them, they can snap, any of those people can react equally and opposite.  If someone says “I can forgive, but I cannot forget,” that is only another way of saying, I will not forgive. Forgiveness ought to be like a cancelled note - torn in two, and burned up, so that it never can be shown against one ever again.  It is easy to say we forgive Adam but will we do anything to ensure that people with psychological disorders can receive the proper medical treatment?  Are we doing anything in our schools to cultivate loving kindness instead of allowing playground ostrasization?

Were you ever driving down the highway and accidentally cut someone off, then they get mad, flip you the bird, pass you, then slam on their brakes?  This action only gets you mad, then you speed up, flash your lights, lay on the horn or flip them the bird and the cycle of road rage continues.   Have you ever stopped to take notice of what anger felt like?  It is awful.  You can’t think straight, you are consumed, it burns you up, your palms sweat and clench, your heart races and there is nothing productive that comes out of it.  Why would someone allow themselves to feel that way?

When you forgive, you set someone free: Yourself.  As the great Buddha said, “Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; but you are the one who gets burned.”  Jesus, a convicted felon himself,  hung out with criminals and prostitutes.  While on the cross, it wasn’t an honest man he took to paradise with him that day.  It was another  criminal.  What can we learn from that?  What are we doing to ourselves, society and our children’s future when we allow hate and punishment rather than forgiveness and restorative justice?

I was watching a movie about Merlin where King Arthur sentenced an enemy of Camelot to death.  It was the lover of one of his round table knights who in turn pleaded with the king to spare his lover’s life.  Arthur refused because it was the law.  This powerful and angry knight then left Camelot and joined forces against King Arthur.  Arthur’s actions had reactions; hate begets hate, what is done to us creates us.  It all could have been prevented with mercy and compassion and now Arthur’s greatest ally has become his enemy.

In Sandy Hook there are no winners but the ratings hungry media who descend on any person and any angle to get any story and any photo op; the social media websites win as they encourage people to like and tag and share and spew; the politicians who will use this tragedy to look good, compassionate and caring will win as they let you know they are forging new legislation so that this never happens again—and BTW, vote for them next November.  This is also the opportunity for people with ulterior motives to hijack the event for their personal and lucrative cause such as the anti-gun or pro-gun movements, background check companies, security companies, registries and law enforcement grants.

Astrologically, as the age of Pieces draws to an end, we are entering the new age of Aquarius.  Aquarius is the age of enlightenment, the age of the “water bearer.”  Water is life.  I can think of a better way to enter the age of enlightenment than from the wellspring of forgiveness, love, compassion, patience and wisdom.   Those qualities are what many people in our society thirst for.  Why can’t we give it to them before they snap?

 In “The Art of Forgiveness, Loving Kindness, and Peace,” Jack Kornfield describes an African forgiveness ritual: "In the Babemba tribe of South Africa, when a person acts irresponsibly or unjustly, he is placed in the center of the village, alone and unfettered. All work ceases, and every man, woman, and child in the village gathers in a large circle around the accused individual. Then each person in the tribe speaks to the accused, one at a time, each recalling the good things the person in the center of the circle has done in his lifetime. Every incident, every experience that can be recalled with any detail and accuracy, is recounted. All his positive attributes, good deeds, strengths, and kindnesses are recited carefully and at length. This tribal ceremony often lasts for several days. At the end, the tribal circle is broken, a joyous celebration takes place, and the person is symbolically and literally welcomed back into the tribe."

Maybe if the positive attributes, good deeds, strengths, and kindnesses are also recited carefully and at length to the lonely, lost, forsaken, abandoned and confused, tragedies such as Sandy Hook will never happen again, in the age of enlightenment.