Building Membership

A few weeks ago I began a litany of seven observations as to why people don't go to church.  The first reason had to do with how we do our best to keep people out of our little social clubs.  The face of Christ is revealed in every person that we meet but I suspect that even He, given his politics and the people he hung out with would not be welcome in some of our houses of worship.  Here I will discuss a very simple solution.

How many hours per week did Jesus spend in the office? He didn't. He went out to where the people were. That is what we and our clergy need to do. I knew a Presbyterian pastor who spent five days a week from 9 to 5 sequestered away in his office.  Most of his time was spent on homily preparation (which were quite boring).  His church is now closed.  In five years time, he brought no one into the church.

I also knew a priest who would prepare his homily on Saturday around three o'clock – one hour before the four o'clock mass.  His homilies were always magnificent and not because he was exceptionally good at extemporization, or that he quickly perused canned homilies for ideas, but because of how he spent his week; He was rarely in his office.  Instead, he was in everyone else's office. When not in the rectory he was out visiting people. He attended every single event that was held at the church. If he couldn't attend some gathering or meeting he would at least show up when it was over and always provided an opportunity to make himself available to the people. He knew everything going on in everyone's life and when he preached on the weekend, he always incorporated stories of the people in the parish and how the life of the parish sinuously intersected with the Gospel teachings. His every waking moment was preparation for his homily and his homily was always a charge to to everyone to walk the Gospel walk.  It was all quite simple.  His church went from three Masses per week to five in a fifteen year span.  Two of them were standing room only.

Have you ever noticed how people love to talk about something which they are passionate about? Sports, movies, music, a trip, politics, their job, family? People love to talk about what they love.  The priest in the aforementioned story loved people.

I once attended a music convention for the National Association of Pastoral Musicians and I left re-energized and newly inspired to do my job. I came home from the week long convention and told everyone about it and invited them to join me next year. The following year, no one joined me and that was okay but when I came back, all I could do was to reiterate how magnificent the experience was.  The following year one of my choir members joined me and when she returned all she did was rave about how magnificent the convention was and how inspired she became.  Indeed she was a changed person and became more active in the church.  Not only in music but in other ministries as well. The following year three more choir members joined us and the next year four more people joined us and they were not even in the choir.  Not only were we reaching out to people but so were my choir members as they began talking about the convention to music directors and choir members from other churches.  One year we had about 35 people go to the convention.  Energy begets energy.

One of the conundrums that churches have is that they like to talk about their problems and issues. When Jesus stepped out of the boat and walked on water, he invited Peter to join him but Peter was skeptical.  When he saw the storm and the high waves, he had doubts and indeed he failed. That is what our churches do, too.  They look at the storm and they talk about their failure.  We need to feel as big as the sky because it is just a storm. Have you ever seen a storm on the ocean from a distance?   It is just a storm.  I’ve never seen a saddle fall off a horse so the church needs to learn to become one with the saddle.  To not be afraid of the storm, the horse or the saddle.  Ultimately, to be one with the Gospels.

So, some of us come up with new ideas and gimmicks in a churlish attempt to attract people to our churches and often times they fail. If not immediately, eventually. One of the reasons is our methods of PR. Putting an announcement in the church bulletin only reaches the people who come to church and who read the bulletin.   Many people are also not interested in our movie night because they have Netflix.  Others are not interested in our educational programs because either they are too busy or we fail to inspire them to apply what they learn from those programs.   Algebra and geometry are perfect examples.  If you teach only the formula, it is difficult to understand.  But, if you teach real world application, they become valuable tools.  Just ask any construction worker or home owner who likes to fixit themselves. 

There is a church who about 25 years ago had a women's club who made it their mission to spend the year talking about their church to people in the community seven days a week. It could be a passing comment or an invitation, but they would talk about the church, the people, about the activities, the coffee hour, what they did as far as ministries and they wouldn't be preachy about it, either. The church saw significant growth over a period of five years all because of simple physics: Energy begets energy. As people joined, they too, from example, talked about the church to other people, made invitations and even more people joined. Soon the church was filled with life and many active groups. Then they stopped their outreach and enjoyed the fruits of their labor. The children of that growth spurt are now grown up and gone, those new members are now elderly and the church is now struggling, not seeing any new growth.

It is not enough talk to our friends and family members. We already know them and they probably already go to church if not the same one.  We need to reach out to the stranger and the lepers among us. I never understood fear and prejudice, that's not how I was raised but our parole shelters, AA meetings and food pantries are bursting at the seams with people who don't go to church but may partake in its largess.  I know a wealthy church who sponsors a weekly soup kitchen and they serve about 200 people each week.  Strangely, none of those 200 attend that church.

Jesus sat with ordinary people. He even sat down with even the disreputable.  Public opinion was never a problem with Jesus. He was a genuine human person, a real brother to the poor, the weak, the sick, the alienated. He was not a benefactor, or a patron, or a philanthropist - but a brother. 

In this lies the greatness of Jesus. To have real power and influence one does not control or manipulate. One serves and builds and loves.   Some people may come for the movie night or the free food, but what will make them come back is the listening ear and the welcoming embrace.

Immanuel, a name which means "God is with us."  It does not mean that God solves our problems, shows us the way out of our confusion, or offers answers for our many questions.  It means he is with us, willing to enter with us into our problems, confusions, and questions.  

I used to answer a suicide hotline and the first skill we were trained in was listening, being quiet and being present.  My greatest successes and breakthroughs were when I said nothing.  Henri Nouwen wrote, “The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing... not healing, not curing... that is a friend who cares.”
  
We, do not aspire to suffer with others.  On the contrary, we develop methods and techniques that allow us to stay away from pain.  Hospitals, nursing homes, rest homes, funeral homes, they all often become places to hide the sick, the suffering, and the dead.   Suffering is unattractive, repelling and disgusting.  The less we are confronted with it, the better.  It is something we want to avoid at all cost.  Among some people, compassion is not among our most natural responses.

But, in times of trial, if someone were to say to us, "I do not know what to say or what to do, but I want you to realize that I am with you, that I will not leave you alone," we have a friend through whom we can find consolation and comfort.

 
What really counts, is that in the moments of pain and suffering, someone stays with us.  More important than any particular action, or word of advice, is the simple presence of someone who cares.  They show solidarity with us by willingly entering the dark spaces
of our lives.  For this reason, they, like God, are the ones who bring hope and help us discover new directions.  From the Beatitudes, Jesus says, "Blessed are those who mourn."  Not because mourning is good, but because they shall be comforted.
  Do our churches comfort or have really good card parties and pot lucks? 

Courage is not the absence of fear.  Courage is dong what we need to do or is the right thing to do.  Even in the presence of fear.  Many people are afraid of bees because bees can sting and it hurts. Some people will even kill a bee on sight not realizing or, with little concern, that these industrious little insects are responsible for most of the fruit and vegetables which we consume on a daily basis. Something we hate and fear so much is also extremely valuable to us. Some of the people we hate and fear are strangers and lepers and, just like bees, they can bring value to our churches but first we need to go to where they are because they certainly won't come to us.  They have a perception that the church is full of hypocrites.  Hate begets hate and the people who bash the church the most are the people whom the church has had a history of turning away.  It is simple social physics.  hate begets hate.  Energy begets energy.

My sister was a Jehovah's Witness and instead of going door to door, she spent every day at the parole shelter assisting the men with transportation, support and navigating the DSS.  She brought over 50 men into her church. Some of them got jobs and some additionally got married in the church.  Many of them brought skills of construction, plumbing and electrical experience and volunteered their services to the church and its membership in appreciation for the kindness, grace and mercy it offered.  Energy begets energy.

I recently attended a one-day retreat where there was a panel of five clergy who talked about why they chose the church as their career.  A lot of the priests talked about their passion for Jesus.  One priest had an inner city church and talked of her (Episcopal) passion for the people.  At the end of the retreat, the panelists fielded questions from the assembled.   A question was asked "Is it possible to turn Jesus into a 'Golden Idol?'"  The woman priest said "Absolutely. It is easy to worship the messenger but fail to hear his message.  Just look no further than the Crusades where we killed people in Jesus' name."   The only priest who passed on answering that question was one from an affluent parish who had admitted to have been attracted to the church because of his love for liturgy, pageantry, candles, mystery, couture finery, documents and education.  He never once mentioned people in any of his answers.

It was also interesting to note that none of the clergy had a eureka moment or were struck by lightning when they fell in love with church/Jesus/ministry.  They all said it was a gradual process. One salient life moment they all had in common was that  there was one person in each of their lives who first made an invitation.

I know, strangers can be scary to approach but some of the greatest saints were murderers first. The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good people to do nothing. Imagine what could happen if all people did something. Jesus said in the book of Revelations that if a church is neither hot nor cold, but lukewarm, it is like spit in his mouth and he will spew it out.  I suspect that many churches today are lukewarm.

We turn to God when our foundations are shaking only to learn that it is God who is shaking them.  If the foundation of our churches are shaking we can let the walls crumble around us or we can go out into the world to get help. So with that in mind, do as St. Vincent de Paul suggests, "If a needy person requires medicine or other help during your prayer time, do whatever has to be done with peace of mind.  Offer that deed to God as your prayer.  Do not become upset or feel guilty because you use your prayer time to serve the poor.  God is not neglected if you leave him for real service.  You should prefer the service of the poor to making your prayer. For, it is not enough to love God, if, your neighbor does not also love  God."

-Malcolm Kogut.

Why Are the Institutional Churches Failing? Reason One: Vision, Fear and Apathy.

A favorite discussion topic of mine is addressing why churches across the country are failing or seeing diminished attendance with no sign of growth.  I have seven theories and I'd like to share my thoughts on the first.  So, keep in mind the old saying that the devil doesn't need to beat the church, he needs only to join it.  St. Augustine once said of the church, "So many sheep without, so many wolves within." 

Prayer is the least thing you can do for someone while still getting to grandstand like you are actually doing something.  That may sound harsh and irreverent but, if I fall and break my leg, don't pray for me - call an ambulance.  Then plan to come over for a few weeks to help with cooking and cleaning, then we can pray together in thanksgiving and praise for the gift of friendship, healing and ministry.  After all, isn't that what church is all about, taking care of their, uhm, own?

Religion is a great comfort - to a world torn apart by religion because we confuse the wrappings with the goods.  Let’s say Jane Doe walks out into a field one day and sits under a tree eating carrots.  For whatever cosmic reasons she becomes enlightened and when she returns home everybody can see that she’s got a light around her the size of Manhattan.  Within a week there would be thousands of us sitting under trees eating carrots.  Once a year on that day there would be carrot celebrations and rituals, rules and recipes.  That particular species of tree would become holy and we might even wear carrot pendants around our necks.  We’d wind up killing people on the other side of the world who aren’t interested in hearing about Jane.  Churches and pastors would spring up all over the place charging $200 per weekend to help us look and act more like Jane.  But Jane’s enlightenment may not have had anything to do with the tree or the carrot or what she was wearing or her personality.  Like the Buddha said, "Don’t follow in my footsteps, instead, seek what I sought."  Jesus said "Seek ye first the Kingdom of God."   Hafiz said simply, "Wherever God lays His glance life starts clapping and the myriad creatures grab their instruments and join the Song."  We would go to the mall to purchase stuff to show off their Jane spirit. 

Some of the most hate-filled, unforgiving, uncompassionate and merciless people I have ever encountered have been good church people (watch for my future "Mabel" blog).  A lot of the aforementioned qualities fall insidiously neat under the banner of Christianity.  I haven't been able to figure out why but I can only surmise that it parallels with what Shakespeare said, “Thou protesteth too much.”  Maybe it is that we hate most in others what we fear in ourselves.   Maybe we are afraid of  looking into the abyss and seeing what is staring back at us.  Maybe a vast number of church goers espouse that arrogance because they live beneath the mask of goodness.  The only way to deny what they fear within themselves is to stand on the sins, failures and faults of others.  Now, if your church is different, ask yourself if they would allow a murderer, drug dealer or sex offender to openly become a member of your congregation.  Nowhere else does the query “What would Jesus do?” hold so much irrelevance when you ponder allowing undesirable and sinful lepers to sit in the pew with your family.  All are welcome, except for those people. 

We discourage people from the church in order to keep the gene pool, as it were, clean and, protecting existing members is more important than fighting sin.  Many people who commit crimes and get arrested are good people who made mistakes, who got carried away with power and privilege or had a lapse in judgment.  Does that make them bad people?  Does that mean they can't learn, change or grow?  Do they deserve second chances?  Do we even know who is sitting in the next pew?  Oscar Wilde, who was sent to prison for three years because he was gay said, "Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future."

Altemio Sanchez was a pillar of his community, trusted and professional.  He was a church lector and Eucharistic Minister.  He also raped and murdered over ten women during a twenty year period.   He got away with it because the police arrested and framed the wrong guy.  Case closed, bonuses for everyone.  So, Altemio hung low for a while.  Despite that, he was trusted, loved and respected every Sunday in his own community flying well below the radar of the other good people of his congregation until after a ten year hiatus he did it again and got caught.  It was a shock.  Nobody saw it coming.  "He was such a good man."

Does a man change because you know more about him?  The answer is no but the new knowledge about someone can bring to the surface of our personalities some latent prejudice, hate of fear which is often stronger than faith and has little to do with the person.  It is easier to hate the gentle and child-like Frankenstein monster because you can label him than it is to face our own nascent monster within.  We humans do protest too much especially when we can point an accusatory finger at someone worse.  Remember, burning witches at the stake did nothing to resolve the witch problem, it just exposed more witches in our midst. 

I once had a man come up to me after Mass to inquire about joining our music ministry.  He said that he played the drums professionally and was looking for a church to belong.  He told me that he just got out of prison and was looking for a church that kisses the leper clean.  I told him that I would love a professional drummer and he could start with our variety show which was that weekend.  He joined me and he gave our music new life.  I never asked him about his past.  We were a church.  It was irrelevant.  All are welcome.  Cast the first stone, and all that. 

After a few weeks of playing, the priest came up to me and asked me who that new musician was and without thinking I said that he was a guy who just got out of prison and was looking to get his life back on track.  Fr. Leonard then approached him and told him that he likes to meet with everyone who is looking to join the parish and would like to set up an appointment with him.  The drummer eagerly acquiesced. 

The following Sunday, the drummer didn't show up for Mass.  He didn't show up for rehearsal or for Mass the following week either.  Since I didn't have a phone number for him there was no way to make contact so I asked Fr. Leonard if he had that meeting or if he knew why the drummer didn't come back.   Leonard just said that at their meeting, they both agreed that this parish was not a right fit for either one of them.  That was very strange because without knowing of his past, everyone made him feel welcome, loved, valued and respected and, he was eager to share his talent, faith, prayer life, witness and growth with us. I can only surmise that it was Leonard who didn't make him feel welcome.

A few years later, Leonard told me about a time when he was a priest at another church.  There was a DWI accident where the intoxicated person was a state trooper.  He crashed head-on into a van carrying a family and there were serious injuries.   The trooper was unharmed and quickly whisked away from the scene  by his cop friends in collusion to sober him up.  There were no charges lodged against him, it was just an accident.  Leonard witnessed the accident, knew that the trooper was intoxicated and was livid at the scandalous injustice so he decided to contact the DA and demand justice or he was going to go to the press.  That same day, Leonard got a phone call from the bishop and was told that he had three hours to pack up as he was being moved to a new parish immediately.   Leonard the ever obedient company man could take a hint and never mentioned the case to anyone.  Shortly after the accident, one of the victims died from their injuries. 

A few months later the state trooper completed suicide.  Leonard said “Finally, justice is served.”  He  totally lost my long waning respect for him on that day.  Social psychologist Ian McKee, PhD, of Adelaide University in Australia said that "People who are more vengeful tend to be those who are motivated by power, by authority and by the desire for status.  They don't want to lose face.  They must be right at all costs."  The few people that I have known who desired revenge or justice, seem to base their justification on some presumed idea that they were owed something.  Usually the "revenge" sought was somehow related to addressing a presumed injustice.  The priest in the above story rests on the assumption that his personal standards should be accepted as universal.  This viewpoint suggests that the individual has some secret access to the universal good.  Such a viewpoint will eventually be unsatisfactory because it doesn't allow room for personal or spiritual growth.  He felt that the suicide was justice and thus acceptable to him and right for society.

One of the flaws in our present legal system is the emphasis on punishment instead of restorative justice which would address the needs of the victim as much as the action and correction of the violator.  Sending someone to prison only makes them hate society and when they get out they feel that society owes them so they look for ways to take - often gleefully living off the largess of the social service department and taxpayer.   Instead of becoming a productive member of society they become a drain on its resources and a leper because we won't rent to them nor hire them nor let them into our good churches.  “If you can’t do the time, don’t do the crime” is just another way of arrogantly saying "We don’t forgive you."

Rather than providing closure for the victims and survivors, revenge does the opposite: It keeps the wound open and fresh.  I don't think revenge is really sweet.  If it is, it's an artificial sweetener.  It may feel good to get back at someone by sending them to prison for decades, but the feeling won't last.  My priest friend continues this day as a bitter, hateful, spiteful, vengeful person who surrounds himself with others with as much venom and blackness of heart as he possesses.  They spend a considerable amount of time at their men's prayer group meetings talking about other people and since a church’s most effective information source is its congregation, be it good news or gossip, they spread the word.  That word reaps what it sows.  Those with eyes to see, see and now his church is near death.

Leonard does however give great homilies and inspires many people.  Sometimes when someone knows the truth and they don't live it, they protest too much, in this case at the ambo in front of an adoring audience, with great fervor.  He is very successful at grooming them into thinking he is holy.  I don't want to fall into the trap of Godwin's Law so I'll just say "Heil!" as an example of this phenomenon.

The people who choose to seek revenge perhaps do so because they think it will make them feel better and they don't care or haven't thought about how it could actually make things worse.  Gavin Staulters operated a motor vehicle in an intoxicated condition and crossed onto the shoulder, striking and killing 14 year old Kari Liedel.  Gavin was sentenced five years in prison and Kari's mother said that she wished the sentence could have been longer.  The community and DA were outraged, too.  Their anger, hate and thirst for revenge is going to haunt them the rest of their lives because they didn't get what they think they wanted and Gavin supposedly got off easy.  In this case, nobody won.  If they first practiced restorative justice, forgiveness, compassion and healing mercy, everyone could win.  The tragic and avoidable death of Kari was because of stupidity, immaturity and weakness, not malice.  Revenge comes at a price. Instead of helping you move on with your life, it can leave you dwelling on the situation and remain unhappy because the revenge or justice wasn't sweet.  Meanwhile the offender goes on often unaware of the hurt the other person is festering with.  How ironic that our justice system just perpetuates this victimization of the victims.  Kari's birth into new life could have been the impetus of healing enlightenment for many.

Will more laws and more harsh punishment solve the DWI problem or bring Kari back?  There will always be drunk drivers and they will always be with us as long as there are people, alcohol and cars.  If I fall off a ladder and break my leg, you wouldn’t hate the ladder but you may compassionately heal me.  Too bad, before we carried out the death penalty on that convicted felon, Jesus, who most likely, he and his friends would not be welcome in many of our churches today, that we didn't learn his lessons about restorative justice.   I believe it was Gandhi who was asked,
"You are always quoting Jesus.  Why don't you become a Christian?"
Gandhi replied,
"When I meet a Christian who acts like Christ, I will become one."

Historically, there are two schools of thought on revenge. The Bible, in Exodus 21:23, instructs us to "Give life for life, eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot." Punish the offender.  But more than 2,000 years later, Martin Luther King Jr., responded, "The old law of 'an eye for an eye' leaves everybody blind." Abraham Lincoln famously turned his back on some crimes because he knew that punishment would not benefit anyone.  Hate begets hate.  Buddha called it "Karma."  Jesus said "Do unto others."  The world says "What goes around comes around."  The laws of physics are true even in our congregations:  Every action has an opposite and equal reaction.  Hate begets hate, absolutely.

I offered a church the opportunity to get involved in a prison ministry where I offer support, comfort and assistance out of my own pocket to the families of those incarcerated.  The families are the collateral damage of our justice system and they are often too ashamed to even go back to church (they are a goldmine of new members and wounded healers).  The church responded by saying that that ministry was not for them nor where they wanted to go at this time.  They then organized great and lucrative fish dinners for the Fridays of Lent.  Yay, praise Jesus (He likes fish and money).

So my first reason people don't look to join churches:  Many churches lack vision for compassion and love;  Many churches fear sinners; and many churches have apathy for people who are not good, like them. When looking for a church to join because you wish to be closer to God and make a difference in the world, would you join a church who first screens out the people whom you are looking to save? 

Disgraced SC Governor Mark Sanford said  "Don't judge any one person by their best day, don't judge them by their worst day.  Look at the totality, the whole of their life, and make judgments accordingly."  The highly effective cavalry commander George Armstrong Custer is unfortunately best known for his greatest failure.  If Jesus hung out with and went where the people spit and swear, lie and cheat, kill, rape and do filthy things, then who was it that came up with the bright idea to make the church some kind of anesthetized clinical environment of only "good" people, that is removed from the rigors of everyday life?

In a world gone mad with mistrust and alienation, the church like never before must present faith as a dynamic and relevant force for change and enlightenment.  It must be as yeast and unsettle the mass around it making the comfortable uncomfortable.  As a weird Biblical aside, I don't think Christ advocated revenge or praying for things from a selfish position or to alienate undesirable people.  I think churches that operate that way are doomed because church seekers with their hearts in the right place can see the hypocrisy and futility of the institution.  Before praying, maybe we should get up and do something such as kissing lepers clean, then praise God for the gift of love, for one another and for healing action - even for the lepers.  Some good people would vehemently protest - "That is well and good but, not in my church!"  And that, is a church nobody wants to be part of.